Valuable forums: invaluable me

[anonymous]

I've been contemplating a post for some time. I have even gone so far as to write it on multiple occasions, yet always delete before I work up enough nerve to tap the "create thread" button.

Does anybody else see so much value in the forum and the information it provides yet have trouble bringing themsleves to post anything?

If so, why? Has anybody started off this way and gotten over their hesitation?

I find myself feeling very guilty for not being able to comfortably and openly post like the rest of the members.

 

[420kitty]

I was like this in the beginning of my PTSD. I think I didn't want to accept it. Finding other people that understand and have been through what I am going through is extremely comforting.

When I would try and tell my family, or friends they would tell me to: change my mindset, stop thinking about it, just get over it, etc. This made me feel guilty as if I wasn't strong enough, and that held me back in talking about my trauma. When I worked up enough nerve the site started to help me accept it, and I realized I'm not the only one with certain dark thoughts. Although, I did stop coming on here for a few months. Certain topics trigger my ptsd, and I would get angry;but now I stay out of those topics. Welcome to the site! :)

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug:

I think you'll find that you're not alone in your struggle. I think many of us go through this at some point. I know I have.

How did posting this feel? Was it not so bad as anon?

:hug:

 

[Deleted member 37474]

I think that I have the opposite problem right now, I am starting to not care what I write about. Words that used to bother me, not a problem. One of the hardest words to write or say was "rape or rapist" I would replace it with the word trauma or perpetrator or f*cking monster asshole or find some other way to say it without really saying it.

But the forums have helped me a lot. And you can't get specific help or validation if you don't post anything. And if you post as you, people don't judge. Someone might pm you as well. I made a close friend on this site. She and I have actually gone off site to be real life friends. Kind of wish we lived in the same country. Lol. We met because we are similar and our traumas are similar. Posting can only bring help and good.

 

[Crow]

I was a member three years before I liked or posted anything. Now I'm sure some folks wish I'd shut up lol.

This is normal and imo should not be rushed. You'll know when it's the right time to start sharing.

 

[anonymous]

@CrowFeather, thank you for saying that. Really.

Did you worry about getting banned for not posting?

 

[EmmaOwl]

I think that I have the opposite problem right now, I am starting to not care what I write about. Words that used to bother me, not a problem.

TexCat: When I first read this, I thought it was more of a good thing than a problem... Now I'm re-thinking, (and editing!): Is it a problem that you don't care? Do you think you're too apathetic? Or am I reading too much into what you wrote here?
Just curious.

 

[anonymous]

@EveHarrington , it is certainly better as anonymous, but this post isn't much of a post compared to most. I again just wrote a paragraph or two and deleted it. Argh! I am not excelling at this care and share thing. Maybe one day. Those of you who post, I'm envious that you are able to do it.

Thanks to everybody who has responded.

 

[digger]

I wonder if starting off by responding to threads in the social forum might be helpful - a way maybe of getting used to seeing your name on the page without too much of a personal element to the content?

ETA - I find it easier to post in some areas of the forums than others. I'm reasonably comfortable posting in my own diary but still find a lot of anxiety over starting threads of my own. That said, any threads I have started I have survived ;) I find responding to other people's threads generally is easier than starting my own. I find chat difficult.

Which is all to say, I think it comes down to finding what works best for you as an individual rather than comparing to an 'everyone else' that doesn't really exist.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

TexCat: When I first read this, I thought it was more of a good thing than a problem... Now I'm re-thi...

A little of both. I am waiting to start with my new therapist. It will have been over a month when I finally start with her. I can't shake feeling abandoned. I don't know if it is making me less guarded in what I write or if I am just becoming more comfortable, or if I just need to process and this site is all I have?

 

[anonymous]

I wonder if starting off by responding to threads in the social forum might be helpful - a way maybe of...

Perhaps. I find myself searching the topic to see who has posted. If there have been posts, I like to see the nature or the responses. By the time I'm finished doing my legwork of trying to decide whether or not it is a safe topic, I come to the conclusion that a) my question has already been at least somewhat answered someplace else or b) whatever I was going to write about doesn't really matter and isn't good enough for the forum. Or c) whatever I might say may be the wrong thing, and I may upset somebody else. That is the last thing I want to do. I also don't like the idea of being searchable. I do realize that is how I found this place, so it isn't really fair to say that. At the same time, the thought scares me.

 

[EmmaOwl]

Can you write them to yourself? Maybe if you wrote a post, you could copy & paste it into a word processing program, or an email... Sometimes, I do this. If I write a long message, or if I go off topic - if I change my mind for any reason - I cut and paste into email or another word processor. Then I can either save it as a draft, or email it right back to myself. I do that, occasionally, when I feel uncomfortable with something I've written. I can always post it later on.

You don't have to permanently delete your words, and you can go back and look at them when you are in another mood. You might even decide to post them, later on... But either way, you'll will at least have a copy of your posts. Sometimes if it's a reply to another post, I will cut an paste the URL, too, so I can link right back to the same spot. Maybe you'll feel more comfortable posting, if you can look back and maybe edit, after some time has passed. Cut and paste back here, and voila!

Does that make any sense at all?