Question About P*rn

[Karmic Dreamwork]

First - ugh, I'm sorry, that totally sucks. And second - this is a super-important insight. If you...

Thank you. it is an interesting read and it makes a lot of sense. I try to look at things in a logical perspective but sometimes that doesn't work, hence my posting here lol. ptsd doesn't seem to follow anything logical since trauma is very emotional.

ill try to keep that cup in mind

 

[Casey_03]

Living with your mom right now may also be making your triggers worse. It might be easier once you move out.

 

[Twilight]

Thanks. I don't think he actually looks at porn, just that TV show. Which this guy means every...

Believe me, I dont think you are ridiculous and I dont judge you or your boyfriend. I just wanted to encourage you that if in your gut you do not want something in your relationship (as I said, like illicit drugs, for example), you are entitled to that boundary. But, as others have pointed out, yes, that will limit your pool of who you wish to date. I agree porn is everywhere, so you might have trouble finding a partner who agrees with you. It is all about choices of what and who we allow into our life, that is all. I just don't want anyone to feel like they "have to allow" something in their life and they have no choice.

 

[lilol123]

This is exactly me.
I found out my boyfriend had been watching GoT (with his mum) and I completely lost it. It wasn't just the fact he did it, it was the fact he'd watched at least 5 seasons and all the while led me to believe he wasn't watching anything like that. I found out by pure chance and the shock of it meant I cried on and off for the whole day, in front of him. I cried for so long that he eventually got angry at me for crying.
This was the one thing I knew and he knew would take me over the edge if he watched it. So I felt deeply betrayed.
I tried to break up with him and then had an even bigger panic attack and tried to resolve the situation. I woke up this morning and the first thought was of him watching that and the pain it makes me feel, so I woke up and started crying.
I stopped watching shows/films that contained nudity years ago and I don't know if that's actually helping me.
I have a milder case of what's considered a breast deformity, so beyond the abuse I suffered, I'm incredibly insecure. I'm the most insecure person I've ever met. I have to stop myself from cutting my breasts. I despise them. The hilarious thing is my reaction to nudity would reduce to almost nothing if I had fake boobs, but being able to afford that would take years and this trigger is ruining my life right now.

Sorry I can't help. But I feel slightly more normal knowing other people suffer from this trigger too.

 

[Karmic Dreamwork]

f*ck, i know that feeling. I cried for weeks. I ended up asking him to not watch it anymore after explaining i tried to get over it but couldn't. He agreed and it wasn't an issue. If your boyfriend understands your struggle and that you are trying, i hope he will stop or at least try to help you. I bet you are beautiful and i would say try not to be so insecure but then i know its not so easy. I wish you luck in this struggle. Its neverending for me

 

[EveHarrington]

Game of thrones is porn?!?

I really don't have a problem with porn. At all. And yes I am a CSA survivor.

On the one hand, you do have a right to only date guys who don't watch porn.

On the other hand, since this is a triggering issue, it could be seen as a "trying to control the world" scenario which isn't a good thing to do when you're trying to conquer your triggers.

 

[Isobel Wolf]

Porn is awful. There's tons of resources that support why, don't listen to liberal mainstream garbage that defends it. It's an instructional manual teaching men and women that women are good for one thing. Nothing can make exploiting our bodies for profit feminist, or healthy for anyone. DUMP HIM if he doesn't get it. Swift and fast, the sooner you move on the sooner you can meet a man who shares your views and is sympathetic to your history, which is shared by too too many women. Suzzan Bloc Abasement of Dolls artist, check out her web site. And Feminist Current. and iloveradfems tumblr's porn section. And Getting Off by Robert Jensen, there's a pdf online. You are strong for standing up and fighting this!

 

[Casey_03]

I think the problem is this isn't "standing up to porn" so much as it is giving in to triggers. I already commented further up in the thread, but there's more to it than just being against porn. If someone is against porn because porn objectifies women and turns them into sex objects, that's great. But if someone is against porn because it reduces them to a withering mess and causes full-blown panic attacks, that's a different issue entirely.

 

[Friday]

@Casey_03

In need of the SuperLike button.

 

[olilolly]

I think the problem is this isn't "standing up to porn" so much as it is giving in to triggers. I alre...

What if you feel both? :L

 

[Casey_03]

I think you can have both but I'd be willing to bet that one stems from the other, and if you were to deal with porn as a trigger, you'd stop feeling the need to "stand up to porn" for it generally being wrong. At least that's how it was for me. It's a control issue, plain and simple. It's not about fear so much as it is control.