How do i concentrate on my project-a mess because of flashbacks & abandonment?

[hithere]

Trying to work. Had a horrible session with my T. Horrible. I'm probably being abandoned. I don't know. Flashbacks are intense and huge and I'm stuck inside of it for the whole day! It's night right now. I have a presentation in the morning. I have NOT EVEN STARTED IT. Sitting at laptop for 5 hours staring, then crying, then obsessing about abandonment. I need to do my work. any tricks to help me?

 

[EveHarrington]

Can you get an extension?

 

[provencepearl]

I don't know how I do it. But I somehow push back and lock up bad memories for short times to be able to do what I have to do. But the ability to do that is getting less and less. Too many things to be locked up. Things that are very painful. I probably learned to do this as a child. Grew up in home with alcoholic step-father and domestic violence. Blocked it out. Not imagination or false memories. Many things to confirm. Just strong sense of self-preservation. As a child, this is common response to abuse by adult caretaker or in home. Survival instinct.

Can you get your inner self to commit to working for 5 min and then taking a break? Then another 5 min? Don't overwhelm yourself with requiring all at once. Give yourself rewards for small steps in right direction. Once you get started, you might be able to focus and push back other stuff.

 

[hithere]

Can you get an extension?

I could not. Thanks tough. Your response means a lot to me. I had already blown these people off for WEEKS! I'm blown away at their patience and their desire to work with me.

 

[hithere]

I don't know how I do it. But I somehow push back and lock up bad memories for short times to be...

Thank you so much for this. This is actually helpful. I'm just now reading this and the presentation was this morning. I gave up last night and drank alcohol. (trying to totally quit) slept maybe 5 hours and when I heard the birds chirping I drove to my office and I pounded it out in two hours. It was Serendipitous that an office mate came in--he is encouraging me to stop drinking. Seeing him and laughing at his jokes just really helped me cope. Somehow I dressed, made it to the location and did it. I didn't use a professional presentation at all. I drew pictures on a scratch pad to illustrate my points and support my data. haha! On the way there, I actually did what you suggested! (I'm just seeing this now though) On my way to meet the potential clients I told all my inner "selves" (I don't have just one) I need all of you guys--and no one's getting locked up like I used to do to cope. We are all going in there to meet these people whether we are a freaking orphaned disaster or not! I don't care what age you are, you are coming in there with me. We all felt like bad asses! Now that the work day is over-- oh boy, here comes the abandonment stuff again. I hate it. I really do. I'm so sick of it. On a happy note, it went well and I think they like me and I think they are going to hire us. It seemed that way.

 

[hithere]

I think they are going to hire us

by this I mean the company... not "all" the me's. LOL.