Buried past...told to put down the shovel

[Tinyflame]

One last thing @TexCat , whoever used that analogy was wise, digging for what has no part of your present or future (though I can see how you think it might) has a tendency to leave (me) in the bottom of a deeper hole.

(Cross posted with She Cat.)

It's not over for us, but it's over.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

One last thing @TexCat , whoever used that analogy was wise, digging for what has no...

You can thank @anthony for that guidance. ;)

 

[Tinyflame]

Not surprised. Good advice to take. ;)

I think some of us have already tried different methods and found we are no better or worse for it. Just delays healing if it's negative.

I like the song by Magic, No Regrets. No point looking for blame for what's lacking, we'd forget the past if we could.

 

[Nessa7]

There is a limit to what answers can be found by digging, but the number of questions is infinite. I sometimes feel that urge to poke around and see what I can stir up, but it's never satisfying. There are always more unknowns that I can't figure out.

 

[Deadman]

I want to be in control!!!

How do you control the past? Is it possible to change it? Or do you think you can turn the tables now?

 

[Deleted member 37474]

How do you control the past? Is it possible to change it? Or do you think you can turn the tables now?[...

I want control over when and how the information comes to me. I know it already happened and can't be changed. But I don't like taking a shower and all of a sudden feel a mild panic attack. Or all of a sudden terrified of Florissant lights. I want the memories to come to me on my own terms. This is why I may go into a store and know that the color green and cold air will set me off, but I am prepared and in control because I know what to expect. Knowing where my abuser is also gives me a sense of security to some degree, but I might get a bit stuck when I research that.:banghead:

 

[Deadman]

I don't like taking a shower and all of a sudden feel a mild panic attack. Or all of a sudden terrified of Florissant lights.

That is easily understandable. I'm struggling to get better control of my symptoms too.

I want the memories to come to me on my own terms.

Yeah. I'm not sure that is possible. It would make things so much easier though wouldn't it?

Knowing where my abuser is also gives me a sense of security to some degree, but I might get a bit stuck when I research that

Short of becoming an abuser yourself I'm not sure that it is possible to control someone else. In fact I suspect the more time and effort you devote to him the more power you surrender.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

That is easily understandable. I'm struggling to get better control of my symptoms too.



Yeah. I'm no...

I was just going to click like, but I am going to have to process your last statement first. ;)

 

[Deleted member 41765]

@TexCat I think there is wisdom in "the more time and effort you devote to him the more power you surrender" AND please overlook the sentence that came before as I'm fairly certain it was not intended as you read it. Rape, unless a man has had the singular misfortune to experientially understand, can be difficult for a man to understand.

 

[Deadman]

I in no way meant rape. And I certainly don't mean to imply that you would respond in kind. Just that I know the desire for revenge. And that I know it doesn't help.

 

[Deleted member 41765]

@Deadman Of course I know your words didn't mean rape and I am so sorry you thought I implied that. And I, agree with you that desire for revenge doesn't ultimately help. I only meant to support TexCat in that rape survivors, and she is a rape survivor, often go through a different anger-grief-healing process than that of other types of trauma. Peace to you!

 

[Deadman]

@ShikibuZ I think we understand each other. And I actually do understand, to a limited extent, the trauma of rape. I've never been raped but I have met so many people who have been. I seen a lot of bad things but but seeing the pain of women and children who have been abused has been the hardest for me to understand. Its incomprehensible to me how a man could do such a thing.

I think I'll bow out of this conversation as gracefully as I can.

I'm sorry if I caused undue pain.