Alright We Need More Jokes

[Sludge]

 

[Sludge]

 

[Docrobert82]

For the Surface Navy please replace statements with:

Wondering why CIWS techs are waving at you from the life boat.

A corpsman saying "Drink this and I'll get ya a saline drip before quarters tomorrow morning."

Explaining to an Army captain they aren't real captains.

Arguing a 1.5 mile timed run is a stupid requirement for shipboard sailors.

Attempting to explain to submariners that hotracking is in no way, shape, or form an acceptable way for healthy people to sleep.

Claiming to be a SEAL when you weren't.

Hey, I'd get you an IV....... It's better than when we have to tell people to bend over, it will only hurt for a bit....

 

[Wagon]

You missed.

"This is what they taught me in the Naval Academy"

 

[SpentRound]

 

[Jimmy1]

A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which country had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.
The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.
The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to ...peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'impeccable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers).
The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.
The two of them flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called 'impeccable' tree almost without breaking a sweat...
Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?
After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:
Apparently, Tiger Woods was right, when he said, your pecker gets harder when you're away from home.

 

[Jimmy1]

An American tourist asks an Irishman:
"Why do Scuba divers always fall Backwards off their boats?"

To which the Irishman replies:
"If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the f*ckin' boat."

 

[Lee C]

I know it says the Britsh Army but it covers nations over:

 

[Sludge]

Hey, I'd get you an IV....... It's better than when we have to tell people to bend over, it will only hurt for a bit....

Doc on my third boat always got me into trouble out in town with his gallons of local booze and the promise of a "free" IV before quarters. To this day I know of no better hangover cure.

 

[Wagon]

A bit long. But my favourite Alan Partridge episode. The Geordie ex Army guy is a gem.

 

[BV101]

This is all wrong, but please enjoy... It is black humour that we all understand.

Whats the difference between Sarajevo and Auschwitz? Auschwitz had a regular gas supply.

Angle, bring me my MOL suit, I am going to hide! Next to a big yellow tree obviously...

 

[Lee C]

Got better coordination than the young ones coming out of training now but probably not as camp, RLC maybe ? lol