Alright We Need More Jokes

[Sludge]

True story, but funny:

A US Navy Recruiter called me yesterday. I talked with him for nearly 30 minutes. Had him ready to stop by the house with paperwork to show me...

He was really excited when I told him my ASVAB scores and work experience/education.

He decided he wanted to come over right away to show me what the US Navy could do for me.

Then I asked him if Combat related PTSD would disqualify me from service.

Bastard hung up on me.

 

[Jimmy1]

I'm working on a memoir. It'll be called...

Best Way to Plug a Hole: Stories from Iraq.

On the cover will be a tampon.

I'm actually working with an agent on this; he's an OIF vet himself. But the whole thing will be done with archetypes instead of people I know so it'll be kind of surreal.

Cast of characters:

Private Eager: Bright eyed and bushy-tailed.
Sully: The salty perennial lifer NCO or warrant officer who's been there, done that, seen it all, served in every war from WWI to Trashcanistan, in every branch. And he always knows that to do.
Sergeant Sunglasses: Always looks and acts like he's on a movie set. Who knows how he'll react when shit hits the fan, but at least he's got swagger.
FOB Bicycle: Self-explanatory.
Tank Boy: He does not exist outisde of the turret. In fact, his torso is man but his lower body is the whole f*cking M1 Abrams.
Glenn Close: Hardass female CO.
Spec 4 Shitbag: Absent of any morale whatsoever.

And so on... But I am open to suggestions!

So the reader will wonder if Private Eager in Chapter 8 is the same Private Eager from Chapter 5. Does it matter though? Not really. I figure it's a different spin on the war memoir.

I take it the FOB Bicycle was named Cindy or something, or am I on the wrong track..........

 

[Anglesachse]

LMAO, I was thinking along the line of a PB Garden gate. Called Kate.

probably related to Cindy, a distant cousin or something.

 

[Raven]

I take it the FOB Bicycle was named Cindy or something, or am I on the wrong track..........

AKA Barracks Bunny. :p

Thing is, the characters in the memoir, the people, won't even have named. They'll just be these archetypes. So FOB Bicycle will be named "FOB Bicycle". The reader may wonder if the FOB Bicycle in chapter 4 is the same FOB Bicycle from chapter 1, but it doesn't matter. It's an absurdist way of writing the damn thing, and parts of it will be surreal (like how Tank Boy is some straight up Starcraft shit) but the whole experience was absurd and surreal. The only way I can possibly make a memoir out of it is by writing it as the blackest of humor.

Some more that I just thought of!

PT Stud: Also self-explanatory.
Corporal Cuckold: Undergoing a brutal divorce while deployed. He will only be seen on his way to and from the JAG legal offices. (Which was totally me for a while.)
Zeus: O-6 or higher.

 

[Wagon]

I'm absolutely lost.

 

[Wagon]

Ok. I get most of it but what is FOB. Obviously not Free on Board. And OIF. Officer in Front? Officer in Fight? Officer in Footlocker?

 

[Sarg]

Go for it, Raven!!!! People don't even come close to know what happens in war. To them it's Patton standing on a stage with a huge American flag behind him.

Along with others, my therapist said that I should write down my memoirs. So I am. It may stink. Nobody but me may read it but it's me. My growing up a military brat, my war, my struggle with the beast and my being among an elite group that really gave a crap.

Rock on!

Sarg

 

[Wagon]

Oh and Sounds like a good approach. Unique.

 

[Anglesachse]

This is definatly proof that the Navy has no idea what goes on, on the ground LOL

Ok. I get most of it but what is FOB. Obviously not Free on Board.

FOB= Forward Operating Base

• A FOB is in theory, the place where the shit starts to hit the fan, they are usually supported by a MOB.​

MOB= Main Operating Base.

• Who in theory should only smell the shit on the moring breeze, that has just hit the fan at the FOB.

A FOB will usually support a couple of PB`s.​

PB= Patrol base

• Where you generaly live neck deep in the aforementioned shit.

I think that was a pretty simple summary that anybody could understand.

And OIF. Officer in Front? Officer in Fight? Officer in Footlocker?

OIF= Operation Iraqi Freedom.

I would of thought that this terminology would be standard use in US Highschool class work degradation of the Military.

"Look children, this is where Chucks Dad is Killing babies in the pretence of bringing world peace! Isn`t that right Chuck?"

"Chuck?"

"I think he just ran away Miss"

 

[Raven]

Thanks for clearing up the acronyms! The military uses too many of those and I find it annoying.

It's weird. I take a certain rebellious pride in having fought a war deemed "illegal". Politics, ideology, and public support never came into the question for me.

 

[Jimmy1]

You could always have PTE Skinoffhisthing. Well you know, hours to himself. lmao.

 

[Wagon]

Thanks for that. What exactly does define "Forward"?

I was in when the Russians were a concern. Also not in the US for last two undeclared excursions. Why not Iraq I and II.