Funny Deployment Stories And More...

[armyvetwolf]

Oh the memories of jokes about women in the field and i was one....I was the only chick in my section. So, you guys go ahead, i get a kick out of the jokes too, cuz some of them were true...hahaha. Especially when you have your own experiences with them ;).

Oh, the women giving head to guys in the port o johns, true story, but only cuz we knew a girl who was caught doing it...remember the stories, names and pics written on the inside of the port o johns? Yea........

 

[reddevil1111]

WE didnt see any women for over 2 years. Not one was allowed even near our camps. No booze either but we did manage some. Same with porn mags and things like that. We did have a lot of sand. And MRE's filled with freeze dried servings. 12 versions 54 days in a row eating them.No water for 4 days one time. Tainted water happened more than I can recall.
Pulling endless patrols on the border. Capturing an Iraqi and serving them up to the higher ups for intel debriefing. We could tell they knew nothing and in a sad sorry state long before we attacked.
Then seeing premade coffins stacked like cordwood at an army depo. Being "briefed" by Army intel guys that they expected 1/3 of my unit to be dead in the first 4 hrs of the attack. We knew we had to clear trenches and practiced for weeks on mock assaults on trenchlines the army dummied up.
And more patrols. Endless sand. Then snow that winter and no real warm weather gear to speak of. It was so hot you could boil a cup of water if you set the cup on anything metal. So cold that winter that it was just surreal.
The endless fear of landmines in the shifting sands. Scary.Boring.
And I have patroled jungles in Panama,Honduras and Columbia so dark that you couldnt see more than 5 feet. Doing drug intel sweeps location processing plants and semi submersible boat production areas. Working with men from the country your in knowing they are working for the cartels and could turn on you in a moments notice. And then the surprise of loyalty from one of them that showed that some of those old boys were serious about fighting to free the area of drugs. Discussing with them why we didnt seal our borders? How if we wanted to shut off the flow we could in a week. And it was all true. We blamed them and yet it was us that allowed the flow. How do you face them the next day without feeling like the little Dutch boy with your finger in the dyke? I risked my life for meaningless objectives and wasted almost 7 years of my life fighting in wars that were unwinable and I knew it. Now, back to the stories!

 

[tho9900]

Dammit Sludge why did you have to make me go all soft on you? Did blue side and green side both as a Corpsman.. awesome man... and ya from Doc they woulda taken that stuff in a sec even if he was dressed in blue.. but ya.. there was an innate distrust on both sides... Man... I remember hitting those 30 and 40 foot seas and seeing yall in those flat bottoms roll and disappear under a wave then resurface.. I was on a LPD then a LPH so well above the water and we had a keel to keep us steady (kinda).... I always felt bad for you bastards... which LST were you on? and ya it was some County I remember that lol.. LPD's were cities, LPH's LHA's etc were WWII island amphib assualts.. (Iwo Jima, Guam etc)

Semper Fi on the commendation you earned it for sure... earning trust from the corps is an honor hard to come by... even as a Doc you have to prove yourself just once... much harder for a true blue sider...

Odd note related to the post... I got to fly in the gunners seat of an AH-1W Cobra... the Corps had a policy if a married man esp an officer got an STD a letter was sent back to the command and the spouse... we had only been underway about 12 days and dude comes up and explains the situation.. no way he got it since we were just deployed and hadnt hit a liberty port, his wife was a slut.. he told me help me out... lol I diagnosed him with bronchitis and gave him 4.8u of Wycillin (omg I got my ass reamed for that)

A few days later he came down to berthing where I was and told me meet on the lower bridge at 1400... I got there and there was a helmet and flight vest waiting on me.. man walking up to that bird was like nothing I can describe.. flying at 200kts at 50 ft above the floor in between the ships in the fleet priceless..

Awesome story you told and ya... I think you earned that commendation even tho you couldnt wear it..

 

[armyvetwolf]

ummm don't know how to bring this thread back after that...i wasn't offended you guys, spill your guts, i will listen. i don't judge, just ask tho9900. i am pretty cool gal once you get to know me, i can share some funny as well as f*cked up stories. being a female, i didn't get any special treatment. trust me. i was a mechanic. working with the men, side by side. got any questions, don't be afraid to ask. if there is just ONE thing you liked or made you smile while in the field or deployed, talk about it!!! I know a lot of ppl didn't have females around, every branch is different. but then again i ended up being the only female around....LOL. hell it doesn't have to be a deployment story, hence why i added AND MORE...it can be from when you were at port, in a FTX or training...go for it! and go.....

 

[Wagon]

Chaf. SUPER RBOC. Kind of a little rocket that goes up and explodes a fine mist of aluminum in the air. Also a source of entertainment and terrible naval embarrassment.

When you launch a bunch of this into the air in a line it tends to look like a line of thunderstorms on the radar. So when this happened I would march into the Weather shack and say. "Hey WTF. You didn't forecast rain today?" And then they would march out and look at the radar and then look out to sea and then march back into the shack and come back out again. Only good a couple times but worth at least 30 minutes of entertainment on a boring ass watch.

At one time during some sort of stare down with Russians and Syrians it was decided to launch some chaff and stop all this "lock on" business. So the man at the controls duly pushes the button......to the windward side launcher. Phoosh...bang. And a fine mist of aluminum settled onto fresh haze grey paint. Now we had sparkly Battleship and angry Bosuns. We were also not a problem for anyone to see or lock on to.

 

[Squaddiedave]

Ok, I know Im gonna regret putting this one, but it was probably the best stitch up I've ever had done to me,,,,,
Coming up to R and R in 08 and my lads start noticing that Im getting "Cranky" I make the mistake of confiding in them that its because I've not,,,,,,"de stressed" (if you get my meaning) since being in country. They all think this is ace and rip the p*ss for the next couple of days.
About 2 weeks later we're going on job to pick a Rupert up from Kabul international. Usual drills for me, 3 half litre bottles of water in a fridge, 2 for my camel back, one to sip when doing my pre move brief.
We had a couple of low move days so had planned a round route, so the guys kept situational awareness, after about 30 mins of driving, my driver asks if im feeling ok, "yeah fine"
Then the chase car asks, slightly suspicious now, I start double checking my kit to make sure I didnt have Gaffa Tape with the word twat on it, stuck to my helmet, as was the usual joke.
About 5 mins later I still feeling hot in the face, with the start of a dull headache,,,,,then proceed to get the biggest hard on I thik Ive ever had, not fun when in a Up armoured CMV with Osprey body armour.
Only thing I can say is "BASTARDS!" My driver then gets on the PRR and lets the chase car know "Its worked!! Hes got a stonker!!!"
Neadless to say I didnt meet the Rupert at the terminal as I wouldnt leave the CMV, aircon on trousers open trying to calm "him" down.
12 hours on and off with a raging stonker, not good with communial showers! The Team did give me the other 3 500MG Kamagra tablets they had brought of the net for R and R. The misses didnt complain.
Awesome stitch up by a great bunch of lads. Chemical MRE bomb was employed for revenge, with cylume addative so targets were marked!!:whistle:

 

[tho9900]

just ask tho9900.

who are you lady I never met you!!! lol and you KNOW I am kidding.. sorry I have been lax on replying lately... life has been hectic.. ya we kinda strayed off the funny part but it's cool getting to hear the stories.. The squids here will all remember this...

new boy, think it was a FN striker.. came down to sick call telling me his LPO sent him down for a set of fallopian tubes... I gave him an IV tubing set and told him if it was gonna work he needed to go down to the engine room and get a bucket of steam to soften them up first..

I loved the wide eyed innocent look on those boys faces...

 

[Sludge]

Dammit Sludge why did you have to make me go all soft on you? Did blue side and green side both as a Corpsman.. awesome man... and ya from Doc they woulda taken that stuff in a sec even if he was dressed in blue.. but ya.. there was an innate distrust on both sides... Man... I remember hitting those 30 and 40 foot seas and seeing yall in those flat bottoms roll and disappear under a wave then resurface.. I was on a LPD then a LPH so well above the water and we had a keel to keep us steady (kinda).... I always felt bad for you bastards... which LST were you on? and ya it was some County I remember that lol.. LPD's were cities, LPH's LHA's etc were WWII island amphib assualts.. (Iwo Jima, Guam etc)

Semper Fi on the commendation you earned it for sure... earning trust from the corps is an honor hard to come by... even as a Doc you have to prove yourself just once... much harder for a true blue sider...

Odd note related to the post... I got to fly in the gunners seat of an AH-1W Cobra... the Corps had a policy if a married man esp an officer got an STD a letter was sent back to the command and the spouse... we had only been underway about 12 days and dude comes up and explains the situation.. no way he got it since we were just deployed and hadnt hit a liberty port, his wife was a slut.. he told me help me out... lol I diagnosed him with bronchitis and gave him 4.8u of Wycillin (omg I got my ass reamed for that)

A few days later he came down to berthing where I was and told me meet on the lower bridge at 1400... I got there and there was a helmet and flight vest waiting on me.. man walking up to that bird was like nothing I can describe.. flying at 200kts at 50 ft above the floor in between the ships in the fleet priceless..

Awesome story you told and ya... I think you earned that commendation even tho you couldnt wear it..

Over the years I was on the La Moure County lST 1194, the Mount Vernon LSD 39, and a whole mess of random shooters in my "better call that guy in to fix this stuff" mode.

 

[Sludge]

Leave it to Navy folks to speak in another language. P.S. cute pug my late brother had one as his last pet, whent every where with him.

now you understand how I feel when you ground pounders start rambling on...

 

[Sludge]

Chaf. SUPER RBOC. Kind of a little rocket that goes up and explodes a fine mist of aluminum in the air. Also a source of entertainment and terrible naval embarrassment.

When you launch a bunch of this into the air in a line it tends to look like a line of thunderstorms on the radar. So when this happened I would march into the Weather shack and say. "Hey WTF. You didn't forecast rain today?" And then they would march out and look at the radar and then look out to sea and then march back into the shack and come back out again. Only good a couple times but worth at least 30 minutes of entertainment on a boring ass watch.

At one time during some sort of stare down with Russians and Syrians it was decided to launch some chaff and stop all this "lock on" business. So the man at the controls duly pushes the button......to the windward side launcher. Phoosh...bang. And a fine mist of aluminum settled onto fresh haze grey paint. Now we had sparkly Battleship and angry Bosuns. We were also not a problem for anyone to see or lock on to.

LOL Chaff...
CIWS techs we call that "fairy bullets", but not around the OSs and ETs...they get all upset when you make fun of their party favors.

BMs hated me and my babies, as there is nothing like having your freshly painted decks covered in DU contaminated sabot jacket quarters.

 

[tho9900]

Sludge... I was blue side too.. just did a lot of time on the green side.. (Corpsman)... The LaMoore and Ashley County were out with us both deployments.. poor suckers... we had waves breaking over the deck of the Guam... the size and height of a WWII carrier.. I can't even imagine what yall went through.. lol and I bet those Marines were as green as their uniforms... even on the Guam they tied up the head...

The ammo locker for the CIWS was in our berthing are on the Guam.. omg... it was like a porno holding one of those rounds and thinking of 6000 of them a minute spouting out at whatever came at us..

Funny story think I might have told it I dunno these meds have my head all crazy...

Had a chopper towing a target for the CIWS crew... it drifted over our deck and the CIWS let loose... of course now there are tons of radioactive shards all over the flight deck from the target... it was like lil cockroaches... Marines coming out of every porthole it seemed stuffing those pieces in their pockets.. ends up they had to call a dcon team in from the Eisenhower because of it..

 

[Sludge]

Sludge... I was blue side too.. just did a lot of time on the green side.. (Corpsman)... The LaMoore and Ashley County were out with us both deployments.. poor suckers... we had waves breaking over the deck of the Guam... the size and height of a WWII carrier.. I can't even imagine what yall went through.. lol and I bet those Marines were as green as their uniforms... even on the Guam they tied up the head...

The ammo locker for the CIWS was in our berthing are on the Guam.. omg... it was like a porno holding one of those rounds and thinking of 6000 of them a minute spouting out at whatever came at us..

Funny story think I might have told it I dunno these meds have my head all crazy...

Had a chopper towing a target for the CIWS crew... it drifted over our deck and the CIWS let loose... of course now there are tons of radioactive shards all over the flight deck from the target... it was like lil cockroaches... Marines coming out of every porthole it seemed stuffing those pieces in their pockets.. ends up they had to call a dcon team in from the Eisenhower because of it..

That is was pretty common. No radioactivity though, just really really toxic. Is why the use tungsten nowadays.