Funny Deployment Stories And More...

[Raven]

One guy was balding very rapidly, and it really wasn't a good look for him because all the hair on the top of his head was gone, but the hair stayed on the sides and back of his head. And then he had that random wispy little tuft right at the front of where his hairline had been. The poor kid was only 23. Our SSG somehow procured whole crates full of Rogaine boxes, and used them to wall the kid into his cot. He used duct tape and boxes of Rogaine to make a wall and trap the kid!

That's Army subtlety for you.

 

[Raven]

Oh, another one. One of the mechanics found a whole iPod full of just squirter porn in a Bradley. He actually tried to spread the word that he wanted to return the porn-filled device to its owner, but nobody claimed it...

 

[Dustin]

So that's where my ipod went. I've been looking for that. :ROFLMAO:

 

[Raven]

I wonder if the iPod's owner didn't know that his porn device was found, or if he was too mortified to claim it... if I were him, I'd want that thing back. It would have taken months to upon months to gather a porn collection so vast and yet so specific.

 

[Wagon]

One of my ships had the largest pre-internet porn library. It was down in after steering. About 3 or 4 filing cabinets full. I was the clock guy so I got to go down and sit in the library while I checked their clock. The guy who ran it sounded like Deputy Dog....only he was the king of porn. He would send his minions ashore with money in every port to find "the sickest shit possible"

Every time I went down there I had to stop at his desk because he had discovered something new and twisted. Italian porn was a horror. Just say no.

 

[Raven]

Someone had to explain to me that this was NOT an iPod full of weird golden shower porn. ...Yeah, a bunch of us looked. >.> It then clicked. So THAT's why they call runners from buildings "squirters".

 

[shogun]

In 06 our fob took mortar and rocket fire one night while I was showering, grabbed my rifle and daypack, and ran the 300yds back to our mortar pits dick flapping in the wind...made it back just in time for our counterfire. Gunny was not impressed that I was not in full PPE.

That same night a friend was on a portashitter, mortar landed not 5 ft in front of the door. Peppered the whole thing but didn't so much as scractch him. The guys trousers were shredded in between his legs!

 

[Sludge]

One of my ships had the largest pre-internet porn library. It was down in after steering. About 3 or 4 filing cabinets full. I was the clock guy so I got to go down and sit in the library while I checked their clock. The guy who ran it sounded like Deputy Dog....only he was the king of porn. He would send his minions ashore with money in every port to find "the sickest shit possible"

Every time I went down there I had to stop at his desk because he had discovered something new and twisted. Italian porn was a horror. Just say no.

I was on one of the first sexually integrated ships in the fleet with a 50/50 male to female ratio. We had a very common official midwatch and dogwatch called "The Bone Patrol", which consisted of some poor bastard checking every storeroom, disused space, and closet for, well...boning...

It was a necessary evil as many of us were tired of standing double and triple duty as we lost a good portion of the female crew to pregnancy.


As for porn collections, I feel that Japanese and Brazilian porno makes Italian porn look tame. For some reason it appears to me that snipes are always the major Spanktravision collectors. (Or wanktravision for you folks that actually speak real English....)

 

[Wagon]

You mean people were shagging between 16 and 2000 during chow? Strange time. Midnight and that?

 

[Sludge]

You mean people were shagging between 16 and 2000 during chow? Strange time. Midnight and that?

Yeah, during all hours of the day and night. For us, Midwatch was 2200 to 0200 and Dogwatch was 0200 to 0700 on that boat. We had to use non-standard rotations due to the lack of qualified personnel . This is one of the serious disadvantages to Naval Reserve platforms if you are one of the few active duty crew. (We all wore many different hats as a result. I played helmsman, FC, OS, ET, and GM in addition to an aftersteering helmsman to name just a few of my "jobs" dependent on our operational readiness conddition. I was not alone in this.) Operations and Deck-apes handled the nights. The snipes added an extra body to Sounding and Security during the day shifts to deal with it. It was almost unbelievable how much of a problem that stuff was for the first year or so. It got even worse when we had MARFORs onboard.

 

[armyvetwolf]

I wonder if the iPod's owner didn't know that his porn device was found, or if he was too mortified to claim it... if I were him, I'd want that thing back. It would have taken months to upon months to gather a porn collection so vast and yet so specific.

Boy, does this remind me of when i first got to Baghdad at FOB Falcon. We were doing "right seat ride" or w/e you call it with the NG unit that we were replacing. While we were all jammed up in one single room, men all in one room, nut to butt and women crammed in smaller rooms together, i got to talking to some of the NG guys. One of them asked if i wanted some movies and of course i took sum DVD-R's from him that were unmarked. He gave me extra ammo that they had leftover and all the lil goodies they didn't or couldn't take home with them.

I get back to my cot and start watching some, found out it was porn of course. The best porn is free ;) ....Ahem, anyways, I get to a movie finally called Caligula based on a Roman emperor known for his sexual exploits. Not bad for 70's historic porn...LOL. Well, one day as i am working and pissed off for some reason, my coworkers asked if i had any new movies and i said yeaaaa. There is this movie called Caligula, you should really watch it! Bahahaha.

Needless to say they never asked for anything else from me again.

 

[tho9900]

lol my first deployment with 22nd MAU it was 24/7 porn... that is where I learned to appreciate the humor of Ron Jeremy.. midget sex kinda scared me tho... then they moved some of us to berth with Weapons Platoon... omg I watched, well heard Ferris Buellers day off 3167 times... it would end they would rewind it.. start over...

Second deployment was with 26th MEU and going across the pond it was I Love Lucy... better than Ferris Beuller for sure... we were berthed in the same area as Force Recon... It kinda spooked me to see the sniper clean and oil his weapon day after day chuckling to Lucy screaming at Ricky... yrs later I saw Full Metal Jacket... Animal Mother could have been this guys twin for those who have seen it.. same look, same attitude

ok decided this clip prolly was safe to post... imagine him with a Remington model 700 SPS instead of an M60