Feeling Alone.

[Raven]

Former Army medic here. Deployed to Diyala Province in Iraq in '08-'09. I live by myself, and it's like living with a crazy person. While I hate living alone, I dislike being around others. I have trouble making friends and meeting people because I have the charm of a pissed off porcupine. How do I sleep at night? How do I get up in the morning? How do I resist the urge to bang my head against the wall over and over again? Writing helps. I don't know what to say at the moment, other than I hope to talk to some like-minded people here. I'm not sure what else to expect from this.

 

[Anglesachse]

Welcome to our slightly dysfunctional family Raven.

You will find we all read the same book, saw the same film and have the same tshirt so to speak.

What your feeeling is normal, but knowing there is a problem is a step in the right direction to geting yourself sorted.

Grab a chair and rest a while. its a long hard road ahead.

 

[Zipperhead]

Banging your head against the wall burns 6oo Calories per hour. Never resist the urge to bang your head against the wall. If you do it often enough things actually start making sense. Even politicians.

 

[Raven]

@Angelsachse, Thank you for the warm welcome.

@Zipperhead, LMAO. I should try it, then.

Lately I've been cutting back on my drinking habits--more so to save money than because I no longer wish to get stumble drunk. I've become a magnet for people who either are currently or have been in the military, usually former soldiers and Marines. It doesn't help that my small circle of friends consists of other messed up vets, but I usually seem off-putting to civilians, or I find them somehow off-putting. My father is a retired Marine; he did a whole handful of deployments to Vietnam. He's the only fixture in my life who puts up with the "real me" that most of my friends haven't even met, and he gives me the tough love treatment when I need it.

 

[BV101]

I live by myself, and it's like living with a crazy person.

I live with my wife and its like living with a crazy person. Welcome to the site. You will like it here. Although to be honest, if I've left it for a bit, then it all turns to shit.

 

[medic5]

Hi Raven,
First welcome to the site . I to served as a medic in both the Army and Air Force, so I know where you are coming from. THere a many medics and corpsmen on this site which really helps.

Sit back and read a few posts, vent if you must, cry rant rave. This is a safe place and we all have your 6. If need be several people on this site can dole out tough love. This is a long bumpy ride we all are on, but we aren't traveling it alone. We are in this together

 

[Jimmy1]

I have the charm of a pissed off porcupine.

Welcome Raven, I love that statement.

You will find that the majority of guys and gals on here have felt the way you do, but the good news is that it does get better.
You just have to find the right medication (temporary for some) to calm the mind, then find a good therapist to help you get you head in some sort of order and keep the memories and nightmares in check.

Once again, welcome and we will look forward to your input.

Jimmy

 

[reddevil1111]

Welcome. Wish you didnt have to deal with PTSD. Its a curse for life and we are all in different phases of coping and learning to live with it. I think there are a few others that find solace in writing and I think we all know about the booze as well. It is easier to learn how to live a better life if your sober thats for sure. Glad to meet you.

 

[abnvet]

Welcome aboard. I live with my wife and at times I still feel alone....Sometimes it feels as if I can't live alone and can't live with someone

 

[JarHed]

Hey Raven

Welcome to the forums. We all feel alone at times. Before I realized how many other people there were that were having the same experiences as I was I really felt shitty. Misery really doesn't love company but here at least we support each other. We're all in the same boat. Glad you found us.

JarHed

 

[Brokencop]

I can relate...I have recently started to really get some serious help, starting with the VA (I don't know if it's real help or not yet, but at least it's better than ignoring it or half assing it with an outside therapist that normally deals with teen eating disorders.)

I noteticed that my real slide down the shit path began when I moved away from all my friends (all of them I went through the shit with). Once I lost that support group I Had no one. My wife is great and listens all the time, but it's just not the same. I find it EXTREAMLY difficult to form new relationship with people who just muttle through life with now real concept of ugly it really is. The closest they get to it is the TV remote. Military is a rarity around me and to find a former jarhead is like finding a needle in a haystack. What I find difficult (or I guess others do) is my (dark humor) I've been told.

Well I new hear, and recently unemployed, so maybe we will both not be alone together.

 

[Raven]

@5150Marine

I'm kind of a magnet for men who either are currently or, more commonly, have formerly been in the military--usually the Army or the Marine Corps. In NYC, there are quite a few of them around. I don't know what it is about me because you can look at me and tell I haven't been in the military for a very long time. I dress like a stupid f*cking hipster and I have four piercings in one ear, and a piercing on my face. However, if I'm at a bar and a guy starts talking to me, 99% of the time, it turns out he is or had been in the military. Things is, I can usually tell before it even comes up. There's something about the way we walk and stand, and then there's something else you cannot quite put your finger on but it's there. One fellow a couple years ago straight up asked me what branch I had been in. It's like we can all smell it on each other.

I saw you're in the Midwest. I'm not sure whereabouts, but there are a lot of veterans in the Midwest. We're all over the place but most of the time, we try to hide in plain sight. I do. We get out and grow our beards or we get lots of piercings, and we don't wear our mil swag around like banners.

@medic5

It's rough being a whiskey. And the tough love approach has always gotten through to me the best. When people offer comfort or sympathy, it makes me feel like they pity me and I don't want pity. I tend to dole it out to other vets (or anyone who's wallowing) when they're in their moods too, even when it's unwanted. I bit back on that after nearly losing a close friend because I said some very hurtful things to him when he was actually looking for my pity.