General Feeling At The End Of My Rope.

[becvan]

I am both a carer and a sufferer. This question should be asked in the Chat PTSD section really.

I will give you my sufferer perspective also though. It is a complete waste of time. I am way too busy trying to manage symptoms, stay alert, ensure safety and control my brain to stop and waste time trying to concentrate on meaningless small talk.

Small talk requires energy, concentration, observation and comprehension. All of which I rarely have at the same time.. and some one wants me to work my ass for for a how's the weather, what was your day like conversation?

I realize this is important in society (however I will never understand why) but it is simply asking an awful lot of someone with PTSD.

bec

 

[Lola]

I have spent the last 11 months trying to do everything I can to control the environment around my sufferer so that he won't trigger and so he won't have unnecessary stress. It's nice that I've tried to do this, but with all my effort and hard work, guess what? He still triggers. I have tried to make myself into the "perfect" girlfriend in hopes that it would help him and it hasn't helped him at all. After months of therapy and some real progress, he had a major relapse and now we are both back at square one. I doubt this is an uncommon experience.

I tried everything but detaching and now because of what happened I have no choice.

Uncommon experience? I don't know. But this describes my situation exactly. The only question that remains is: Will our detachement help repair the relationships or end them?

 

[Nicolette]

Will our detachment help repair the relationships or end them?

Ahhh... we as Carers take so much responsibility for our relationship which can be damaging to us also. :rolleyes:

Detachment helps short term issues or trigger situations but if the Sufferer does not continue to maintain themselves nothing a Carer can do will change where the relationship heads.

 

[Carolina]

I'm just trying to keep being myself, and act the same way I acted before we got together and when everything was great together. I still tell him I love him and he says he doesn't understand why I would but at least he doesn't reject it too much.

I said I'd like to see him before I fly back to Europe and he said he it's a possibility so we'll see how that goes.

I'm definitely putting myself first and keeping busy, seeing my friends etc. Frustration and hurt just creeps on me sometimes and that's not easy to deal with.

 

[Shoka]

As a carer I've had to learn and take responsibility for the fact that I tend to get "enmeshed" with my sufferer. It's terribly toxic to be enmeshed with anyone no matter whether they have PTSD or not.

Nicolette speaks the truth in saying that carers take on alot of responsibility and it is damaging. How to change this behavior pattern is the real question. These days I'm detaching and keeping the focus on my life first. The relationship might actually end, but I will survive.