Worthlessness

[Chin Strapped]

I am lucky to have a decent life, got a decent job and I am working towards a poxy degree which will help with future employment; life should feel great. It just simply does not.

I have consistently struggled to feel a purpose with life since leaving the Army, I feel everything I do ultimately has no meaning, now since the numbness has worn off and I have tasted proper ptsd, I have sadness chucked in for free.

I left the Army double time and spent the last 2 and a half years getting hammered like a squaddie, only as a civvi student; student bit meant I could swap booze for weed (good contacts). Although I'm sorting my shit out now, literally in last 8 weeks; I continue to feel worthless.

I am reasonably young with allot going for me, but I have little interest in anything, I am only just getting better with my children; I feel detached from normality almost. I do still get excited by the Army and have quite a few close pals who I still see here and there (last reunion was the last time I drank, I'm still tipsy :eek: ). I am obsessed with Afghan, that place changed my life, but it has also made it worthless.

How long can this last? be nice to feel a sense of purpose soon. Just feeling this allot at the moment, hence the thread.

 

[Jimmy1]

Dan, a lot of veterans throw in the towel once they know they are faced with a life of struggle, but with PTSD you get good times and bad times. It's about finding the balance between the right medication, therapy, and general everyday life. You are going to get days where you still feel like crap, but that is the nature of the beast, you could be worse off.

I know we should never compare and it won't make you feel any better, but check out these people with no arms and legs or the ones who have to have dialysis every week, yet they still smile daily.

I won't harp on this again, but in all seriousness mate, weed is no good for PTSD.

 

[Chin Strapped]

I know we should never compare and it won't make you feel any better, but check out these people with no arms and legs or the ones who have to have dialysis every week, yet they still smile daily.

It is natural to compare and I have, just makes me feel even more like I should just enjoy the life I'm lucky to have. Frustrating that I can't.

The weed took over my life, currently 6 weeks without.

 

[Afghanmadman52nd]

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS. My fellow afghan vet, I feel worthless and hopeless too. But we are not. our souls and minds are trapped in that shitbox of a country. I am too obsessed with Afghanistan myself. I just want to get it all out. Dont forget that im here for you bro, and reach out if you need to.

Good luck bro.

Spc. Dave

 

[Jimmy1]

Dan, six weeks without awesome. I was consumed by it too and thought it was the answer to everything. I researched it's medicinal purposes dating back to 16th century China and all, I even had a grow tent and imported genetically altered seeds to get a pure smoke. After this I cloned my own.

It's illegal here and I risked everything, my son, my pension, everything for a bit of gunja.

I am still a firm believer that there is awesome healing and pain relief properties in their, but one day maybe, they will research it enough.

You know I have to keep reminding myself and being on this forum helps me, but you have to find the small things in life first.

 

[Chin Strapped]

I too believe there are soothing properties in cannabis, it's also a nice feeling, I much prefer it to alcohol always have, but it too can be abused. I relied on it to chill out and feel complacent. illegal here too, it accounts for 90% of police stops and cautions. I think you should be able to grow it if you want it, under licence.

But it's certainy not helping in the grand scheme of things, so I binned it.

 

[Afghanmadman52nd]

I had a MMJ licence at one point, and it was unfortunately not helpful for me. It did calm me down a little bit, but made me gain weight and increased my hypervigilance x10.....
I guess its helpful for some, and makes things worse for others.

Spc. Dave

 

[Jimmy1]

Dave, there are strains out their that have built in appetite suppressants. Some target Anxiety, others Depression, there is a whole seed shopping list and explanation.

In two states here it is not legal, but it is decriminalized. In other words you can grow up to two plants without conviction and be carrying a couple of grams and no fine. People with a terminal illness can have a doctors certificate. The police usually leave them alone unless it is proved they are dealing.

 

[Sarg]

Dan, you rose one step above all the "civies" around you as soon as you put on that uniform. It takes guts, love of your nation and it's people and the fundamental belief that freedom is worth the sacrifice. It's the PTSD and not you that is saying these things. Relative to my war, you're fresh back from the sand. You have shit hitting you from every quarter, best you can do at this point, is let em' hit, pick up, dust off and ready for the next hit.

Over time (and I know how hard it is to be patient now) the sharp edge wears off and the waves don't come near as often.

So, keep that head up, fellow warrior, your motives have been pure. Most can't say that.

sarg

 

[Afghanmadman52nd]

Sorry for my ignorance, Jimmy, maybe I was just smoking the wrong strains :(

Apologies,

Spc. Dave

 

[Afghanmadman52nd]

And I agree with Sarg, PTSD sucks, and it rears its ugly ass head when you least expect it. Being home not too long now, I have my good and bad days, but the important thing to remember is to know that there WILL be better days, and with "The Beast" you have to take baby steps, which has been hard for me because I've been a very impatient bastard since birth. So one day at a time buddy, and we are all here for you

Regards, and best of luck

Spc. Dave

 

[Chin Strapped]

Allot to get your head around. Currently visiting family, rather be in my house with my tribe. Going to be a long 4 days. Anyone kknow where I can buy some enthusiasm? ;)