New To This Site, But Not To Ptsd

[Crazy_mother_f**ker]

So I am a combat veteran who served with 1st Armored Division in Ramadi, Iraq in 2006. I was there for 15 months and saw a bunch of messed up shit. Coming back, I realized that I could no longer feel emotions even for people who we lost in Iraq. I didn't know how to handle it, and at the time I didn't think it could be attributed to PTSD. I also soon found out that normal activities were all mundane and that I couldn't sleep. I don't have nightmares, but I often wake up with panic attacks in the middle of the night, so I feel exhausted all the time.

I need somewhere to vent my frustrations. I am a student (about to get my degree in chemical engineering), and I have a significant other. The problem is that I cannot talk to anyone about how terrible and debilitating PTSD is for me. I am like the walking dead, but I feel like most people view me as some apathetic, lazy ass hole. I am not; I just don't enjoy things like I used to.

Sorry to get so negative on an introduction post, but I feel broken today. Depression is another symptom of PTSD for me, and today seems to be the darkest it's ever been.

 

[BaMuoiBa]

Welcome CMF (I was wondering how I'd get around that one) to the forum. Your among friends here who have been through much of what you speak. We all felt like the 'square peg in a round hole' upon our return and each handled it differently.

The problem is that I cannot talk to anyone about how terrible and debilitating PTSD is for me

Simply, it does not have to be that way. You didn't mention if you were diagnosed with PTSD by the VA because there are several avenues of approach the issues which you speak. After I was diagnosed I was introduced to a therapist at one of the local Vet Centers who got me involved in a group of VN vets. It was there began to deal with all the other issues and learn to cope with them.

There are many Iraq/Afghan vets on this site who may be able to help you out. Feel free to look around and get comfortable.

Ba

 

[Spock]

Welcome CMF to the group. Everything you're feeling is a new normal, now you start to learn how to cope with it one step at a time. As for venting, I highly suggest you seek group therapy with other vets that will understand and bring you some camaraderie.

Stay safe, stay strong...

 

[Jimmy1]

Welcome CMF, I too was in Iraq in 05/06, I wasn't in Ramadi. You would of been involved in what they call 'The Battle fo Ramadi' were you?

You are correct in what you are saying though. 'Untreated' PTSD can lead to symptoms that are truly terrible and debilitating, and it's an invisible condition that people don't understand. If you say Asthma, Diabetes, Depression, etc, they understand those. Most in the civilian world will say "I have been depressed', or 'I hate going into crowded shopping centres' and they are correct. What they don't understand is how being hyper alert 24/7 just sucks the life out of you, or how your depression does not just last for a few days, it is deep and dark and can last for months if not years.

The good news is that you don't have to live like that.

Learning how to tackle the beast head on through therapy is the one thing that every single veteran on here will agree with. You have to get down to the root cause. You will always have symptoms associated with PTSD, but they don't have to knock you on your arse.
Some veterans like me opt for medication to take the edge off, they work for me.

Are you on any medication or on a therapy program??

By all means vent away on here, we don't mind, just be mindful of the content as it can trigger some of your fellow brothers and sisters on here.

 

[Fargo1]

Welcome CMF

 

[Crazy_mother_f**ker]

@Jimmy--Yea that was us in the "Battle of Ramadi." I was with 1st Brigade Combat Team of the 1st Armored Division. We were right under 1st Marine Expeditionary Force's command. You know how it is though, when you're actually there you have no clue what the politics are LOL. You just do what you're told and look forward to getting home.

I am currently seeing a great therapist at my Vet Center and am looking forward to getting into groups there. It will be awesome to finally meet people who have been through combat experience, so I won't feel as crazy as I always do when I am around others. As for meds, I tried Zoloft and Welbutrin for a while, but they didn't seem to work with me. My buddy from the Army uses Zoloft and says it has changed his life. Glad it can help some people. As of right now I use a MMJ license in Colorado for help with sleep and to relax a little at night.

 

[Jimmy1]

@Jimmy--Yea that was us in the "Battle of Ramadi." I was with 1st Brigade Combat Team of the 1st Armored Division. We were right under 1st Marine Expeditionary Force's command. You know how it is though, when you're actually there you have no clue what the politics are LOL. You just do what you're told and look forward to getting home.

I am currently seeing a great therapist at my Vet Center and am looking forward to getting into groups there. It will be awesome to finally meet people who have been through combat experience, so I won't feel as crazy as I always do when I am around others. As for meds, I tried Zoloft and Welbutrin for a while, but they didn't seem to work with me. My buddy from the Army uses Zoloft and says it has changed his life. Glad it can help some people. As of right now I use a MMJ license in Colorado for help with sleep and to relax a little at night.

Mate you have to try heaps to find the right combination. There are hundreds out there. There are a heap of different drug families too.
I personally found Zoloft stopped working. I am now on a drug called Pristiq.

 

[CAFTT0607]

Welcome CMF. I hope you do find a good group to get into. Group therapy has helped me. We have a small group that meets everything other week and it is nice to be in a situation where everyone around the table gets it. Hang tough. If the f*cking Iraqis didn't get ya, don't let PTSD take you down.

 

[Sleeping Dragon]

CMF,

Interesting choice of names. But, keep in mind that you're not crazy. Survival skills that helped keep you alive are now getting in the way of many of the things that were precious before you saw combat.

I say this a lot. You didn't loose what you no longer feel. Rather, you set those feeling aside. They're still there, but buried under layers of survival skills. And, those skills are not going away.

But, as Jimmy pointed out, there are ways to work through them to find all the things that make life worth while. It takes time, patience and help. You've already taken your first steps back. KEEP GOING.

SD

 

[Zenmaster1]

CMF,
Congrats on getting your degree. It does seem hard to talk about our experiences to others who do not understand what we are going through. I believe coming here is a great step. You need to contact a local Vet Center. They can help you
set up appointments with the VA Center closest to you.

The main thing to remember is that you are not alone in your feelings or lack thereof. You would never give up on a mission, so now your mission is to get better and seek treatment.

As hard as it seems, try to do something each day that you enjoy. Exercise can help. Post often and keep us up to date.
We are here for you. It will get better, if only just a little bit each day.