Not One Of Those Nights...

[Grizzly]

Yep what Dutchie said.

But hopefully you have disclosed these thoughts to your therapist. I'm not judging cause I get it. But if you're having these thoughts of hurting yourself; isn't a firearm is just a more efficient method of action?

 

[holdenmonty]

I have disclosed it to my therapist and we have discovered that they are just fleeting thoughts that pop up and go away. But I am going to talk about it more in-depth though because it seems like I have the fleeting thoughts a little to often.

 

[Grizzly]

I have disclosed it to my therapist and we have discovered that they are just fleeting thoughts that pop up and go away. But I am going to talk about it more in-depth though because it seems like I have the fleeting thoughts a little to often.

Probably...

But more often than what? Someone without PTSD.

These are only discussions. I think to recognize that you would be safer is a step of progress. I have recognized it in myself as a problem. So it allows me to explore the why.

 

[holdenmonty]

to often then what I would be comfortable with which really would be none at all but I'm gonna talk to them about it. I hide some stuff from them when I first started getting help in 2011 and it only caused more problems for myself. I need to stop worrying about what my therapist will think.

 

[Grizzly]

I need to stop worrying about what my therapist will think.

Me too brother.

I think its a by-product of the beast.

FWIW...i think about it nearly every other day. Although there are long durations where i don't.

It's not so much offing myself. Its more of wanting to be void of lifes chores. But i also leave the task to fate. Like today and the past few days I've been solid.

 

[Friday]

Hey Holden... Know too, if you've got a good therapist, they get it. They're not gonna be calling 911 to lock you up or away every single time you're struggling with ideation or retribution. Hell, I think I may have converted mine to the idea of simple solutions being best. But in the absence of best, he helped me work out next best. But he could only do that only because I was honest with him. The big effing caveat here is how honest you feel you can be. If you feel your therapist would freak out and make things worse, instead of helping you, then time for a new therapist.

 

[holdenmonty]

Thanks guys. You truly are amazing. I'm nervous but excited to go to my next therapy session

 

[LocaButt]

Being new to this forum, I am just starting to scratch the surface in reading through some of the threads. Already, I realize I am not crazy. I'm not retarded. You guys describe so many things that I deal with and I just can't believe it. It makes me want to bawl my eyes out, honestly.

Link Removed I won't go in to my story because i don't want to hijack your thread and I feel I have probably exceeded my lengthy post limit already. I went through the same things you are describing. I still am, minus the drinking part now. What made me stop was when I woke up one afternoon and I couldn't remember going to bed. I'd had little blackouts before, but there were still flashes of memory. This one really scared me. And sure, I was only inside my house, but who knows what I did. I still drink, very seldom, as a social thing, but never alone.

I am so sorry that you (all) are going through this. I don't wish it on anyone. I would take it away from you if I could.

 

[holdenmonty]

That is one of the best things about the forums LocaButt you realize that you aren't alone in the things that you go through.

 

[holdenmonty]

O I also wanted to say that I have given my pastor my glock to hold onto and my counseling session went much better. I explained how different things she has said in the past has bothered me and I was completely up front with her about everything and it went really well. Now part of me makes me wonder if she did that to test me and see how I would react.