Emotions

[Michael.8282]

I got out of the military In march 2011 from then till June 2012 I spent my time drunk or smoking meth mostly meth it helped block out all emotions I was able to feel nothing an do nothing finally in June of 2012 I moved back to tn I gave up the drugs moved back in with my mom I bounced from job to job usually keeping just enough money to buy smokes an liquor or beer as of now I hav given it all up I have a full time job an a fiencie and I have found god but I now have all these new emotions I don't know how to use an everything turns to anger its the only way anything comes out here recently I have found its harder an harder to sleep I spend more time thinking about being back in Iraq I can still smell the gun powder I can still taste the dust in my mouth like I said earlier my only true emotion is anger anger has been apart of my life for so long g I'm scared to let it go I feel by letting it go I'm loosing a piece of myself I'm looseing who I was

 

[Sayeret_Sam]

Wow man, that's intense. I think you will find that in life, addiction usually makes things worse in the long run. I also don't think you can just "let things go". I have tried as well, it doesn't quite work. You gotta learn to live with your memories, and not always struggle against them.

 

[Sarg]

Good on ya', Michael! Cutting the drugs is the best thing you could do for yourself. Expect the anger, as there are many real reasons for it. But you have many resources at your disposal. First, the Vet Center is an excellent place many with combat experienced counselors. You can try the VA but right now, they're having their problems.

You've gone to the church, some of the best discussions I've had about life skills came from discussions with the clergy. A stringent PT program can help. Call on your wife to be. This is going to be a big part of your life, so, she needs to be directly involved in it.

Anger (rage) can be overcome, but it does take work. And be sure to check in here. Good videos, published papers and just the wisdom of us old guys.

Sarg

 

[atilla]

The rage will always be there. Learning to cope with it and dial it down until its needed is key. We controled it in the battle field, we're just in a different combat zone bro. And Sarge is spot on about including your fiance in this battle. It takes time man.

 

[vikingr24]

All good ideas. I would add that I don't see where a lot of guys go on vacation or just out of the grind they ae in, even for a day.

TN is a beautiful state. There are places to walk. Take your fiance with you and just walk and then talk when the feeling is right. Drain your mind of all that bitterness and resentment, and fill it up with Nature and your beautiful woman.

I knew lots of special forces guys that found religion after they came back. They had to. And they're head is on straight now and as long as the Beast is petted, they are fine. Lots of good things happen in churches. I am close to God, even have my own prayer place with candles and a statue of Buddha. All gods are the same in my mind. I have to have a sense of god or I will go apeshit. So no reason to feel as some feel that god is a crutch. Maybe it is. But it keeps me from clocking someone.

Good luck, my friend.

 

[Sludge]

Like everyone else said, good on you! We all have developed our own ways of coping with the Beast, everything from classic cars to digging in the dirt for fun and profit. I highly suggest you find some stuff that makes you happy and run with it.

 

[BaMuoiBa]

Michael, welcome, can't add to what has been already said. Just like to echo what Sarg had to share:

First, the Vet Center is an excellent place many with combat experienced counselors. You can try the VA but right now, they're having their problems.

Been exactly where are a long time ago - put the booze behind me as well. Things did not get better but got manageable. Manageable enough to get over *the f*ck-it's* and get some help. Your on the right track don't get distracted.

Ba

 

[Sludge]

Both my wife and I have benefitted from the AtEase program. We each see a different person on our own, and then once a quarter see a third together. Results have been spectacular so far.

We prefer it because they are an independant organization, so the VA, the Military, the local PD, none of them have access to our personal lives.

Plus they accept insurance, or will do a sliding fee scale. We both use the pay in cash sliding scale.


It really, really helped us out.