We have to learn the word Forgiveness. For past mistakes. For present mistakes that hurt someone, your wife, your kids, YOU.
Forgiveness applies to you too. You have that power and right within you to forgive yourself and move on.
I killed an NVA soldier that I would have guessed to be all of 15 years old. He was trying to be brave by jumping out of a hole and shoot the two guys who were heading toward the Jolly Green. I dropped the guy I was fire carrying and punched the kid in the chest so hard I felt the bones in his back. I felt his rubbery heart burst. He dropped his AK and sank back into the little river behind him. I didn't think at the time. I grabbed the crewman, a captain, and put him back up my shoulders. The only words I could think were Sonofabitchsonofabitchsonofabitch.
I had killed a kid with my bare hands, I killed a kid was on my mind all the way back home.
Counselors have told me "He had an AK, "He could have had you both in a matter of seconds,"
Yeah, but the sound he made as he fall back never escapes me, and negates all forgiveness I could forgive myself for. It was a sigh, a painful sigh. His face looked at me as if he wanted to die but shock fell upon him quickly and his legs gave way.
A memory I will never forget but someday I will forgive myself for it and I will be a free man. I have seen that kid in a baseball uniform, a soccer uniform, or just a kid in a t-shirt heading for school.
Forgiveness is sometimes all it takes.
