Sharing details?

[scout86]

however selfish that might be.

It doesn't seem selfish to me at all.

Here's another angle to consider, though. Leave her out of it for the moment. The betrayal of trust is a real thing, but maybe this would be a good time to explore how "having other people know stuff" makes you feel. I get that it's upsetting. I'd be pretty freaked out too. But..... One of the things I do, to try to gauge the reasonableness of my reactions to things is ask myself "What would a 'normal' person do?" Not that that's the ultimate guide, but just to help me recognize if what's going on is "appropriate" or "a symptom" of something. Does that make sense?

So, right now, what do you think about the "total panic" thing? How "normal" does that strike you? If it's a PTSD thing, what is it? Where is it coming from? What are you actually panicking about? Maybe this is a chance to work on something worth working on.

There's a part of all this that's totally normal, I'm sure. People can be judgemental. That can complicate your life and just plain hurt. On the other hand (and I've been thinking about this, for reasons of my own) what's behind the panic, do you think? Can you pick it apart and analyze it a little? We all have our own version of reality. In your wife's version, apparently, this is no big deal and it doesn't matter if other people know. (Maybe because it's you, not her.) But, if she really thinks it's not dangerous for other people to know that stuff, how does THAT work? Does it mean maybe you can, somehow, learn to see it the same way? Would that be an ok thing to do?

I don't mean to minimize any of this. I'm just suggesting there might be some interesting or useful ideas to explore since it's come up. (Since it seems you haven't quit therapy yet, and you can joke about it, seems to my your decision making is working fine so far.)

 

[hymnless]

It doesn't seem selfish to me at all.

Here's another angle to consider, though. Leave her out of it fo...

Oh man. That's meta. Thanks for breaking that down into something that made sense. I don't think you were minimizing, just reframing. And no, I haven't quit therapy yet lol. My T did point out that I am allowed to quit and that I get to have that control. She cannot make me show up and she cannot make me talk, etc. Her point being that you still have control over some things, even when you feel like you don't have control over anything.

 

[scout86]

My T did point out that I am allowed to quit and that I get to have that control.

I once renamed to mine that I no longer worried (very much) about whether or not I could beat him the door. (This was supposed to illustrate how much more I trust him these days.) He laughed & asked if ever considered the possibility that he might just let me leave. (That possibility had never crossed my mind.)

I think you have a pretty good attitude, all things considered. :)

 

[Milo's papa]

I don't blame you for feeling betrayed, you told your wife some very private things and without asking, she shared them with others.

It was 7 and a half years after my wife told us ( my children and I) what she went through. Even then, her T forbid I her from telling us the details. He explained to her that we didn't need to know know them. I couldn't agree more. These things happened to her, not us. Even now, 10 years after she started therapy, we still don't discuss the details of her abuse. We know that it was horrible and that's enough.

My advice to you is not to tell anyone except your T any details you would not be comfortable telling a total stranger. Better to err on the side of caution than to regret it later..

I'm sorry, the first line of the 2nd paragraph should say, it was 71/2 years after my wife started therapy.....