I have been left with this very murky, intoxicated, blur like sense of things and struggling to trust my perception after briefly dating someone who to me was giving mixed signals -- come here, stay there.
I won't go through all of it but here are two examples. I am curious to know what people make of this. Do you think there is gaslighting going on in these examples?
1. Being told that meeting someone and after one of knowing them sending gifts, romantic gestures and daily texting, was 'simple and slow'. After ending the situation because something didn't feel right, I went back, expressed my anxieties and said I would like to get to know her in a way that was slow and simple. (Basically in a way that felt safe for me, considering) She said simple and slow is what she thought we were doing!
I don't know if this is just her perspective or her gaslighting or both. It feels mad to think this approach would be simple and slow for two people with PTSD and attachment issues!!
2. I expressed feeling confused and anxious by the mixed signals I felt I was receiving. I asked what she thought about this, her response was, 'nothing'. I then asked what her experience was and she told me she tries not to overthink things (bit shaming no?) then after a while said she had taken distance but on the basis she thought I was doing so. So, had I not pursued it she would have left me feeling it was all going on in my head!
On top of it when I reassured her I wasn't distancing, told her I liked her, had space and time for her she slid away from me to the other end of the bench!
I am just left feeling a bit nuts, asking if it was all in my imagination and like I am the one causing drama. It is worse because on the outside she was the one being nice, giving gifts etc whilst withholding real engagement and in trying to address this I end up looking like, feeling like the one bringing the drama!
Can anyone relate to this? If so how do you deal with it?
I guess I am trying to make sense of it because the IC is trying to kill me right now.
Maybe the point of gaslighting is major doubt of perception. Urgh!
The wiser part senses acceptence of what is, is the best thing but it's hard when reality is jangling.
Thanks for reading.
I won't go through all of it but here are two examples. I am curious to know what people make of this. Do you think there is gaslighting going on in these examples?
1. Being told that meeting someone and after one of knowing them sending gifts, romantic gestures and daily texting, was 'simple and slow'. After ending the situation because something didn't feel right, I went back, expressed my anxieties and said I would like to get to know her in a way that was slow and simple. (Basically in a way that felt safe for me, considering) She said simple and slow is what she thought we were doing!
I don't know if this is just her perspective or her gaslighting or both. It feels mad to think this approach would be simple and slow for two people with PTSD and attachment issues!!
2. I expressed feeling confused and anxious by the mixed signals I felt I was receiving. I asked what she thought about this, her response was, 'nothing'. I then asked what her experience was and she told me she tries not to overthink things (bit shaming no?) then after a while said she had taken distance but on the basis she thought I was doing so. So, had I not pursued it she would have left me feeling it was all going on in my head!
On top of it when I reassured her I wasn't distancing, told her I liked her, had space and time for her she slid away from me to the other end of the bench!
I am just left feeling a bit nuts, asking if it was all in my imagination and like I am the one causing drama. It is worse because on the outside she was the one being nice, giving gifts etc whilst withholding real engagement and in trying to address this I end up looking like, feeling like the one bringing the drama!
Can anyone relate to this? If so how do you deal with it?
I guess I am trying to make sense of it because the IC is trying to kill me right now.
Maybe the point of gaslighting is major doubt of perception. Urgh!
The wiser part senses acceptence of what is, is the best thing but it's hard when reality is jangling.
Thanks for reading.
