Ice_Fire
VIP Member
...especially if they're expensive. Even if they are kind of necessary, useful, would pay for themselves etc.
So, over the years, I've swung from buying stuff for myself which, frankly, was frivolous in a weird bid to be good to myself. However, mostly those things came with a lot of guilt, being sold on again and generally didn't last very long. The exception being my acoustic guitar, which is high-end. Even that, I sold and then missed terribly and in a fantastic stroke of luck, managed to buy back. The exact same one.
The other extreme is not buying myself things which, although not necessary, are what would be considered rational, useful things to have.
Today I am out in town, to buy underwear of all things. Basic as basic gets, right? So why has it taken me over two months of putting them on everyday going "I need to replace all these they're done", before I've managed to actually do it?
I struggle with replacing clothing in general, especially shoes. I was raised wearing the most ugly cheap horrible tracksuits. Usually the ones in horrible colours which were on sale from an already bargain type sports shop here in the UK. My trainers were bought too big for me on purpose to grow into and then, were forced to keep wearing well after I grew out of them/they had started to fall apart. The only time they get replaced was when other family members or teachers passed comment.
I recently sold my car and am down to motorcycle only. I went away camping with it earlier in the week. I got drenched to the point of having to cut the trip short. Essentially it came down to having cheap gear. A basic pack-a-mack waterproof (with did not work at all) over the top of an entry level jacket that hits the mid-tier European safety rating (AA), which I only got because the cheaper A rated jackets are only certified to 30mph. I do much more than that so that was a 'it is what it is' kind of thing. Clearly, living in Scotland, if I've a hope in hell (whilst it freezes over up here), of surviving the winter; I need to not be getting soaked through on the daily. I might be forced into buying a cheap run around car even with good gear, but the idea of making it without becoming ill without it is laughable. I know this.
I've also gone down multiple dress sizes since I bought my current kit so it's debatable how well it would save me anyway.
The answer is invest in kit, right? Obviously. Yet I can't do it. I see how much it costs, and keep wearing the baggy cheap stuff that gets me soaked through. All the pros and cons lists and justifications in the world are not helping because fundamentally, I don't feel as though my safety and comfort are worth investing in.
Another example from today but it's been an on-going battle since forever is skin care/hair care. For years now and I wish that was an exaggeration; I've been on this slow development of self care. For years I only bought the really cheap, horrible, supermarket own brand shampoo. Didn't bother with conditioner at all. Clean is good enough. Didn't bother with cleaners or moisturisers or any of that. I've had the same one bottle of palmers butter stuff for years which I do use when my skin is crying out for something. I'm getting better at that but not great; I make myself use it all over once a week at least. I have now found and buy and use a decent shampoo and conditioner which suits my hair. I only buy it when it's on offer which I'm sure is normal. Not yet ran out and it's not been though. Unsure what I'd do, buy it anyway or go back to supermarket stuff? The answer should be buy it anyway and watch out for it being on offer again, right? Not sure that's what I would do.
Face cream has been a slowly slowly thing too. I have girl friends who use a million different things for this and that. They're not on huge amounts of money, same as me and it boggles my mind. One such friend bullied me into getting a cleanser and a daily spf moisturiser. I use the latter daily, but the cleanser? Honestly mostly I just use my cheap-ass soap and then a couple of times a week I go "ah yeah, do it properly". And then I wonder why I've not been able to clear my skin all these years.
Le sigh. So whilst out for my pants, I bought an spf that's not the cheap own brand, it's a decent one. And a serum thing to use after the cleanser. And I'm sitting here, writing this, feeling dreadfully guilty that they're in my possession. You don't need that, little voice in my head says. How dare you be so vain, etc.
Yet my friends would call that the very basics.
So, over the years, I've swung from buying stuff for myself which, frankly, was frivolous in a weird bid to be good to myself. However, mostly those things came with a lot of guilt, being sold on again and generally didn't last very long. The exception being my acoustic guitar, which is high-end. Even that, I sold and then missed terribly and in a fantastic stroke of luck, managed to buy back. The exact same one.
The other extreme is not buying myself things which, although not necessary, are what would be considered rational, useful things to have.
Today I am out in town, to buy underwear of all things. Basic as basic gets, right? So why has it taken me over two months of putting them on everyday going "I need to replace all these they're done", before I've managed to actually do it?
I struggle with replacing clothing in general, especially shoes. I was raised wearing the most ugly cheap horrible tracksuits. Usually the ones in horrible colours which were on sale from an already bargain type sports shop here in the UK. My trainers were bought too big for me on purpose to grow into and then, were forced to keep wearing well after I grew out of them/they had started to fall apart. The only time they get replaced was when other family members or teachers passed comment.
I recently sold my car and am down to motorcycle only. I went away camping with it earlier in the week. I got drenched to the point of having to cut the trip short. Essentially it came down to having cheap gear. A basic pack-a-mack waterproof (with did not work at all) over the top of an entry level jacket that hits the mid-tier European safety rating (AA), which I only got because the cheaper A rated jackets are only certified to 30mph. I do much more than that so that was a 'it is what it is' kind of thing. Clearly, living in Scotland, if I've a hope in hell (whilst it freezes over up here), of surviving the winter; I need to not be getting soaked through on the daily. I might be forced into buying a cheap run around car even with good gear, but the idea of making it without becoming ill without it is laughable. I know this.
I've also gone down multiple dress sizes since I bought my current kit so it's debatable how well it would save me anyway.
The answer is invest in kit, right? Obviously. Yet I can't do it. I see how much it costs, and keep wearing the baggy cheap stuff that gets me soaked through. All the pros and cons lists and justifications in the world are not helping because fundamentally, I don't feel as though my safety and comfort are worth investing in.
Another example from today but it's been an on-going battle since forever is skin care/hair care. For years now and I wish that was an exaggeration; I've been on this slow development of self care. For years I only bought the really cheap, horrible, supermarket own brand shampoo. Didn't bother with conditioner at all. Clean is good enough. Didn't bother with cleaners or moisturisers or any of that. I've had the same one bottle of palmers butter stuff for years which I do use when my skin is crying out for something. I'm getting better at that but not great; I make myself use it all over once a week at least. I have now found and buy and use a decent shampoo and conditioner which suits my hair. I only buy it when it's on offer which I'm sure is normal. Not yet ran out and it's not been though. Unsure what I'd do, buy it anyway or go back to supermarket stuff? The answer should be buy it anyway and watch out for it being on offer again, right? Not sure that's what I would do.
Face cream has been a slowly slowly thing too. I have girl friends who use a million different things for this and that. They're not on huge amounts of money, same as me and it boggles my mind. One such friend bullied me into getting a cleanser and a daily spf moisturiser. I use the latter daily, but the cleanser? Honestly mostly I just use my cheap-ass soap and then a couple of times a week I go "ah yeah, do it properly". And then I wonder why I've not been able to clear my skin all these years.
Le sigh. So whilst out for my pants, I bought an spf that's not the cheap own brand, it's a decent one. And a serum thing to use after the cleanser. And I'm sitting here, writing this, feeling dreadfully guilty that they're in my possession. You don't need that, little voice in my head says. How dare you be so vain, etc.
Yet my friends would call that the very basics.
