Confused about therapists emotions?

[DiamondBug]

So yesterday therapy was really difficult for me, I felt that numb and distant that I couldn't really verbalise what was actually wrong with me. A lot of therapy was me sat in silence. My t kept asking questions and I kept giving quite short responses. I think partially because I couldn't stop crying and also I knew something small could really push me over the edge. He went off the normal stuff we try and talk about (Abuse, neglect, etc.) and he started asking when I was a little girl who were the people I looked up to, I really thought about it and realised I didn't really have anyone so I just explained that, he knows I was neglected and abused. He said that I'd developed into the person I am today by myself and without others influence, he wasn't sure how it happened but that proves that I'm strong and a good person to end up the way I have. Then we started to talk about the negative feelings I have about myself, he said he was just trying to understand what's going on, he kept trying to reassure me I'm not bad and stuff, it's hard though because I feel like the more I tell him the more bad stuff he'll see. I also feel like I can't talk about the issues I have with the way I look which are really deep and painful, I feel like he'll just think I'm vain or want compliments. So I just spoke about things I felt I could that session.

The main thing I was left wondering about this session was he kept sighing a lot when he was talking, he does it all the time when he speaks about my parents, I think out of frustration, but he also did it this time when I spoke about how I felt about myself. It just felt a bit like he was getting angry or frustrated with me, i don't know whether it bothered me especially because I feel like a waste of space recently, it didn't really sound like an angry sigh but to be honest I've not really seen many other emotions in general so I sometimes confuse other feelings with anger. it's made me feel like he's disappointed with me. Which is making me feel so much worse. Sorry if this is long and all over the place, I'm in a really really bad place and I just needed to get it off my chest :cry:. My main questions are; Has anyone else had the experience with your therapist? If so, what did the sighs mean?

 

[AllSheWouldntSay]

You're okay. Thats number 1.
The hardest thing I'm learning is to reassign meaning to things. You've gone to a person who has the schooling to help you. (Just like I go to a mechanic when i have an issue wth my car).
I know how difficult it's been for me to take people at face value, because of my extensive history with unhealthy individuals. So. Every thing you're saying hits home for me. I grew up recognizing certain signs from the people I was raised by. They may have sighed out of frustration (that does not mean I was bad) in the past, but someone sighing now has meant this current person is relaxed. Does that make sense?
I was never taught "healthy self esteem and copping skills". So practicing them now feels so un natural.
I was preoccupied with how i came off to others. That I am needy, over sensitive, and a victim. None of that is true. The environment I was raised in; no emotions were shown. So before I learned to stuff and detach from them, the messsage I always received was that I was bad for feeling or wanting to talk.
Having clinicial experience also; it seems as though he's gathering information to see how he can support you and help you feel safe. You're not doing anything wrong with your communication style. You're doing what you learned.
I will email my therapist to say,"this is what I want to talk about in my next session", because I don't always have the words in the moment. And it feels safer to write than to speak. If you can't do that, maybe write down what you want to say and hand it over at the start if the session.
You're doing great, remember to breathe. You're okay now. You're not alone. You deserve support, to be heard, and admired. You do have strength- any therapist with clinical instinct can feel that. Regardless of the individuals ability to see it.
You will see It. And being proud of yourself isn't bad or wrong. I promise

 

[Muted]

I would ask yourself what the sighs signal or mean to you? It's normal to interpret certain things a certain way based on things like how someone treated you in the past, a general understanding of nonverbal communication, etc...

Each therapist is completely different. What one person is communicating with a sigh may be interpreted by the individual hearing the sigh, based on that particular individual or based on that relationship.

You pretty much answered your own question when you stated how you felt. I think it's important to trust your own interpretation.

How long have you been meeting with your therapist?

 

[UnicornSightings]

I'm not a fan of the sigh! I take it to mean the therapist is frustrated BUT that's just how I interpret it. My first therapist sighed a lot. She was rude in a lot of ways so I think I was right about why she sighed. I keep waiting for my current one to sigh but she never does. I love that. That's gotta be hard. I sigh a lot there lol.

Honestly if you feel comfortable enough, ask your t why he sighs. Tell him how it makes you feel. It could mean something completely innocuous. Maybe he doesn't even realize he's doing it.

 

[Emotional girl]

Sometimes it is really hard to read what our therapist are thinking and what their body language means.
I find this difficult to deal with as I have trust issues ect so what I do is go into my therapy sessions with some questions w which have come up for me from my last session and my T goes through them and sets my mind at rest.
Could you write down any issues that you have( such as the sighing )for your T and say it is concerning you and could he explain why he does it.I am sure once he explains it to you then you will feel more settled.

 

[Muted]

I think it's also important to

Does that make sense?

@DiamondBug , I'm sure you would agree that this is an example of a phrase that many people say. When I hear that phrase 'does that make sense' my mind goes on alert, because the old man that was my boss constantly asked me that. He sexually assaulted and constantly harassed and repeated things like that over and over and over to me.

Every time I hear it now I have to remind myself that whoever is saying it isn't my perpetrator. The other day my dr said it several times and that makes it harder, because I get flashbacks of his office and that happened years ago.

 

[DharmaGirl]

ask your t why he sighs.

This is important. I was so hypervigilant at first, he couldn't move without me interpreting it to mean something. I sent him an email asking him why he did something, and he told me and said he would stop if it bothered me. I was stunned. No one had respected my boundaries like that growing up. After that I would ask him often to clarify. It's worth a try, since we can't read minds.

 

[ShodokanJenn]

My T sighs sometimes when I reveal distorted cognitions and emotions. It's not because he's frustrated - I've asked. It's because he's sad I am going through it and he needs to release the emotion so he can stay focused. As hard as it is, I think it would be a good idea to discuss this situation with your T and tell him how you feel. Once I finally asked my T about it (it took a couple years to gather the courage to do so), he started telling me what emotions my words invoked in him. That has really helped me. It's validating and also has helped me to learn how to name my own emotions.