Why

[LuckiLee]

(((Snowflake))) . Go try to get a good nights sleep. Start over tomorrow.
We're here when you need us.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Snowflake You've been given good advice so far. I remember my sister telling me once' "that no man is an island" someone more important might have said that in the past, but she made the point I needed to hear. We can't do it alone!

Yes, I hurts to open up. There ar so many emotions involved with doing so, but you can not do it alone. I wonder if you have truly opened up with your therapist?!?!?!?

Baby steps, but you need to take them. And yes, we DO understand!!!!

 

[Snowflake]

@Snowflake You've been given good advice so far. I remember my sister telling me o...

I have opened up a lot about my trauma. Sometimes, I feel like it's been worked through and I'm okay with it. We are currently working on memories with my parents and it's really hard. Sometimes, I feel therapy is focused on the trauma and not me-my feelings. (This is totally my fault because I don't like talking about me and feelings .

I know it's hard to open up to people you don't know.... and only share what you are comfortable with......

I am tired. Tired of memories, thoughts, dreams, lack of sleep, talking, being alone etc.

I see my therapist 2x a week and it's an exhausting battle to survive the in between days -I'm alone-my inner parts are constantly disagreeing, I keep busy with work because the second my body stops moving my mind is a mess. Regardless my mind and body is drained.

I have no friends. I do EMDR on mondays and then I go back to work-

My therapist has taught me coping skills like breathing, journalling, using oils etc.

It's still not easy-nothing is.

 

[The Albatross]

Don't get the idea that the way you're feeling is ALWAYS going to be the way it is... if you're doing your therapy, using your coping skills, and doing self care... things can and do change. Sometimes they are just barely noticeable improvements and a lot of the time they aren't noticed in the midst of a depressive cycle.

 

[ladee]

And you are right. It IS exhausting. And it gets to the point we wonder why we are doing any of this... with the question always being... what's the point.... and you are doing everything humanly possible to keep your head above water and still work....
Work saved me many times over. Just so I did not have to go home and think.
Is there a possiblity you can take a break from EMDR for awhile? That by its self is exhausting.... it's adding too much to your brain to process... Are you seeing good results from the EMDR ? Do you have time to settle down before you go back to work?

It took a lot of courage for you to share, and it is appreciated.... it's hard to reach out to people you don't know one thing about.... but you did it.. and you are doing everything humanly possible to stay on track.... EMDR is very hard work..... very hard... and your life is turned upside down. and even when we do all the breathing, and grounding and everything else we are taught, we are still sad and exhausted...

And I am sorry you are so alone... is that by choice , or do you have no opportunities to meet people, or just too tired to put forth the energy? It would be understandable if it's all the above....I know we are not a replacement for real life friends... but we are a good healthy substitute....
There are so many here who are right where you are. And it does make a difference to have someone or many someones to talk to ....

At this time in your healing journey, these next words just really don't mean much.... but it does get better.... there are too many of us here who have survived this part.... for that to not be true. But when we are where you are, it seems like there is no reason to move forward...

What would you like to see happen with all your hard work....??? I know you are sick of being asked questions but this is something to think about... having a goal of some kind of freedom on the other side does help us to move forward.

Thank you for sharing.... that speaks volumes about how hard you are working on yourself. You are not alone here.... it's not the same, I know, but you will always find understanding, support and encouragement here.....If nothing else we realize many people are going thru the same thing... and there are people who care and want you to succeed... the forum is not a magic place where everything gets better and we all live happily ever after.. but it is a place where you are accepted, for who you are, and where you are, right now...

Are you on any meds that help you sleep? Sleep is our biggest enemy sometimes... and possibly you can plan a weekend to do nothing but rest and sleep.... when we are this exhausted.... what we are trying to learn just seems to float on the surface, adding to the hopelessness of it all..

I really hope you come back and let us know how you are doing.... that you share when things are bigger than your shoulders to carry it. Read around the forum and see that you are not alone... and maybe something someone is doing, will click with you , and it will help....
Thank you for taking the risks to put yourself out here... gentle hugs if you accept.

 

[Snowflake]

Is there a possiblity you can take a break from EMDR

I took of the last two weeks. When I don't do EMDR I feel like my trauma and me is ignored.

I have seen results from past trauma that I did EMDR with. This is mom and dad.

I work with foster children and parents. If I don't have a visit/meeting after EMDR- I can relax alittle but usually I need to be kept busy.

Being alone hmmm- I'm married with adult children (2). They are not supportive. I don't share. Friends...no. Why??? They get to know crazy me and leave.

I want to be at peace. I want to feel okay. I want to like me and my body. I want triggers and voices to quiet down.

I am on prazosin for sleep. Lexapro and lithium too-I'm not bipolar. I'm on cancer med too.

I have therapy now-not sure what to expect.

Thanks-

 

[Snowflake]

Monday is EMDR. At least I think it is. I left 3 messages after session for my therapist. Not sure if she will want to do EMDR or deal with my crazy thoughts and take another week off to get stable

 

[Deleted member 541]

Your thoughts are not crazy... your thoughts are from trauma and the inability to control them right now. I don't even know if the word control is right but it's what came to mind right now. Your thoughts are scattered, all over the place, an upheaval.... all pretty normal for uncontrolled PTSD...

 

[Snowflake]

Your thoughts are not crazy... your thoughts are from trauma and the inability to control them right now...

My thoughts are definately scattered.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Snowflake Better scattered than crazy!!!!!

 

[Snowflake]

Lol true.

 

[chipman]

I am drained, exhausted. I think I failed at life and parenting - death seems like my answer.

The parenting part. Being a parent is the only job where no owners manual is provided or a return policy offered. You are it and yes sometimes it sucks. If children were issued by the government there would not be any children. There is no support center to call at 3:00 A.M. when you can't sleep. Despite all these problems you are the most important person in some young persons life. Cut yourself a little slack. Cut the hole bag of slack. You are a lot better than you think you are and oh maybe 20 years or so you will find out that you did things your way and better than most.
The death part is not an answer. The trivial words that tell you it is not as bad as you think are just words. Believe in yourself. When others bitch and complain about you turn a deaf ear. Your life and your plan. You don't owe anything to others who will say that is not how it should be done. Sit down and take a few deep breaths and remember that you can and will succeed. Not on the world's schedule but your own. Don't be afraid to ask for help. You know who wrote it takes a village to raise a child. Lookout for you and yours first, second and third. You can succeed.