Gaslighting

[Wjk]

This has come up several times from professional people, friends and family. That my husband is doing this to me. I'm on angel, but I DO know that so SO many times, I have spoken about things and questioned him on things for him to answer me with,.. That's not how it was, or, that's not what they said. Or, that's not how I saw it/remember it.. Never EVER has he said, oh I remember that, or, of course, that's what happened!! Nothing. It's always me not quite got it right. Or I'm being over sensitive, or I'm tired or I've not had enough to eat so brain not working right. Or that's how my mum treated me, don't tar him the same. Even to, blaming my son for taking a photo of my husband out of my purse, when truth was he gave it to a woman he was txing. She told me.! He still Denys that n says exactly that same story. The event happened in 2006. Why am I still with him? I have no idea, do I love him? I can't ask myself that. What happens now? I don't know. Who's going to believe me????

 

[Deleted member 29920]

I believe you :hug:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Who's going to believe me????

I believe you. I do not like it when the feeling like I am going crazy feelings and thoughts happen, but at this point I am learning slowly to trust my gut instincts and realize that there are lies being told to me when I begin to second guess or doubt myself comes into play. This is a new step for me in my life and it really does help me to hang onto my own reality in the face of gaslighting. I believe you.

 

[Wjk]

Thank you.. That is HUGE. one of the things I noticed in 2012 (second time he broke trust vows) I began to not feel my gut instinct. Since then felt a zombie. He kept telling me how my gut feeling was wrong. It's the old saying, if your told something enough it becomes real.
Now, time for recovery. Hospital appointment next Wednesday, mental health team. Going to print off what I have found and take it with me. Thank you, again!

 

[Teasel]

You can believe you :)
Why do you need someone else to believe you?

 

[Wjk]

Self worth, esteem. That's what gaslighting is about. Destroys faith and believing in yourself.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

It is insidious and a way to destroy someones belief in themselves. It makes one feel like they are going crazy and feel so sick inside and doubting oneself very much. Which leads to second guessing and confusion and low self worth and low self esteem. I can now recognize when this is happening to me and although it may take a while to come to trusting myself it really does get me out of the crazy making impact into doing something to help me to hang onto my reality.

 

[Wjk]

So you've been through this?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Yes I have and I totally get the effects on me. I am going no contact with my alcoholic adult daughter who has been doing this to me the last six months of my life. It is a hell of a brutal learning experience that is all I have to say. I am just now beginning to feel stable again.

 

[Wjk]

I appreciate you sharing this with me. Gives me hope I can move on. Even though it's my husband and I can't see either of us leaving. I am able to get on with life. X thank you

 

[Deleted member 12723]

You are welcome and I hope that you can gain much strength in moving forwards with your husband. Having good boundaries takes a long to enforce but does work most of the time. It is going to be a process of gaining the inner strength and healing in your life as far as your self esteem goes. Good luck.

 

[EveHarrington]

There is no such thing as boundaries when it comes to abusive people. (This is what makes them abusive.)