Anxiety & work

[lostforgottensoul]

Well, I finally got my first talking to at work about sounding frustrated. It was not towards a customer (though I have had some very bad calls) but towards a mentor during phone OJT (on the job training).

I adore this job, get paid very well for the job, and the enviorment is super unique in it's open-ness, friendly-ness, family friendly-ness, cozy-ness and yeah, a very unique good feel. I don't want to loose it or even be close to a write up.

I lost my FMLA breaks that my other job gave. Cannot get FMLA until a year in. I've not gone to my therapist's in a few weeks due to phone training and OJT so I felt it building but had no outlet for it. Nothing worked. But not seeing my therapist in so long has a big factor in it.

My mental state is effecting this job so much that it is getting hard to hide that I have an issue.

Also, when it happens it's like I am blinded at that moment. Like if its a customer I have no idea how bad it really was until I am off the call and have some seperation from it. My sup gave me the ok to use the personal code to get a breather for a few mins but it is to be used super sparingly and on a call there is no break or seperation and I have no idea how to be more self aware of it. The only thing else he could say was to talk with HR for an accomendation but that is a medical must. Though I will speak with HR. But being aware that it's even happening is a great first step. Anyone have ideas other then to try to stay aware of my mental state the entire time I am working (which I plan to try to do)?

I have the DBT book and am trying to go through it but today my brain is a circling fog. I found myself kneeding these tiny rubber caps that came over the old vaporizers I used to buy that are in the center consol of my car when driving home today. I need a stress ball for sure! But I am so wound tight that I cannot seem to release that. Done all the breathing techniques, images, metaphors, done all of that and its not helping.

Anyone have any suggestions on how to become and/or stay self aware of my anxiety and how to lower that while talking on the phone (or in person since this was a mentor in person) with someone?

 

[Scarlet13]

I would say becoming aware of your triggers. Are there any patterns? What about this conversation was frustrating to you?
What are your triggers and then your response? You may have to do this after the event and then start to detect patterns.

 

[Justmehere]

I agree with identifying triggers -- and then engaging in the DBT skill of "opposite action" when the triggers pop up. Just assume frustration will be there and smile while taking (this weirdly works for me now and then when talking to my health insurance case manager who will get nasty at the slightest hint of annoyance.)

A DBT style diary card or log sheet might help - but one that is very simple. Perhaps times of the day in one collumn - 9, 9:15, 9:30... amd then write a number, 1-10, to rate your current level of tension or frustration in that moment. Then you can see when the numbers are rising. Or you could rate overall stress levels since an overflowing stress cup is when symptoms will show up to others.

Positive affirmation cards to counter any cognitive distortions that regularly come up when frustrated.

It's not just about awareness in the moment when the frustration is noticeable to others, but preemptive use of these techniques to manage it and lower the stress cup overall.

 

[FauxLiz]

I know you don't want to ask for accommodations but it might be better for you than losing your job. Two accommodations that are available for PTSD include extra breaks to help control anxiety and time off for doctor and therapy appointments.

But in answer to your question how do I control my anxiety while I am on the phone? I employ several methods I don't know how well they would work in your environment but they are: stress balls I have a large collection of all shapes, sizes and styles. So that I don't ruin any one I rotate using them. I have a doodle notebook. This works two fold I can take notes/write down the things I wish I could tell the person on the other end of the line and I can doodle in the designs. The last thing I do is count backwards from 1000 I find it calming and it helps me focus.

 

[Sideways]

Maybe practice the Stop Think Go method when you're not at work, as a way to combat some of the emotional reactivity that you experience.

It's evident from following your threads and trauma diary that you seem to boil over about a lot of everyday situations. Especially if you perceive that someone is criticising your knowledge or methods.

I practice slowing myself down, and using my suds. When I'm noticing my suds getting higher, I take a lot of internal pauses, take a breath, remind myself that it doesn't actually matter what other people are thinking or saying. Because dozens of people might come into brief contact with us throughout the day, but they're going to pass through a lot quicker than the emotional rise that we give them.

So, when you're not at work, like when you're out with Chopper and every other person is making your training difficult and just generally interfering? Try and notice yourself just slowing your mind down, and letting them and their issues just come and go.

"I Don't need to get agitated about that idiot, they actually don't matter". Breathe.

If you can practice your coping strategies away from work where there's less pressure to get it right first time every time, it might give you the confidence you need to apply the same skills at work with less effort:)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I know you don't want to ask for accommodations but it might be better for you than losing your job. Two accommodations that are available for PTSD include extra breaks to help control anxiety and time off for doctor and therapy appointments.

I actually don't mind asking for accomedations anymore (I used to) but that is what I had at my other job but they were FMLA. An accomendation without FMLA is like a desk that can rise for standing. Basically a medical must or medically necessary. Like if I had to take off work to fill my internal pain pumo that's an accomendation as it's medically necessary. If it runs dry I run the risk of it getting infected amd dying basically. So, I guess I would need to see if these things would be considered medically necessary. I am not sure mental health falls into that catigory but need to speak with HR and see. I don't want them to know I have PTSD (thougj starting to become hard to hide) I just advised my therapist anxiety and that I had a therapist (reasoning on why it was building up). It's hard to know what to say when you are put on the spot like that.

My service dog (once fully trained) would be an accomendation I think. FMLA doesn't cover that.

It's evident from following your threads and trauma diary that you seem to boil over about a lot of everyday situations. Especially if you perceive that someone is criticising your knowledge or methods.

Maybe. I honestly don't know my triggers.

I would say becoming aware of your triggers.

I agree with identifying triggers -- and then engaging in the DBT skill of "opposite action" when the triggers pop up. Just assume frustration will be there and smile while taking (this weirdly works for me now and then when talking to my health insurance case manager who will get nasty at the slightest hint of annoyance.)

How does one identify triggers? The only one I know of for sure is someone telling me that I am doing something wrong, thus in my head bad...thus I'm bad. It circles around to that from my trauma. But at work I take constructive critisims well. Like how I could of made a call better etc.

I think, during this, I was frustrated at the new system for phone, the switch, as its rather complicated and I get frustrated at myself a lot if I cannot seem to self teach or if I feel I am not following along with the class (in the training emviroment) and that then boils ober to OJT where we take live calls for phone issues only with mentors around. So, I think (though not 100%) that's what it was about. But then yesterday I was fine with a mentor that actually tells me that what we were taught in the class was wrong (though there are a ton of short cuts) and has a heavy accent so it's hard to understand her. I would of thought I would have had the same level of frustration at her but didnt.

I actually displayed this frustration to this same mentor during several calls. I know it was anxiety as I had to walk away and take an early break as the anxiety was just too high. I do have as needed .5 mg Xanax I can start to take in the day again. I stopped taking them in the day because of the exhaustion/sedating feeling that happens some days (and some days now though all medication is constant - and I already lowered my Seriquel XR and about went off my rocker but it still happened) and just having to balance everything. I didnt want to pour on medication that sedates on top of that but I have taken it in the day a few times since I've worked there whem I felt the anxiety really increase a lot.

My biggest issue is becoming aware of it when its happening because then I can deploy a ton of methods and/or take medication but if I'm blinded by it then none of that will matter.

A DBT style diary card or log sheet might help - but one that is very simple.

I have two of them. From the orginal tome I went through the DBT book. One fot self soothing and one for distraction. There are things on both that I can't do at work so combine them maybe?

Perhaps times of the day in one collumn - 9, 9:15, 9:30... amd then write a number, 1-10, to rate your current level of tension or frustration in that moment. Then you can see when the numbers are rising. Or you could rate overall stress levels since an overflowing stress cup is when symptoms will show up to others.

That's a good idea aa is positive affermations.

But in answer to your question how do I control my anxiety while I am on the phone? I employ several methods I don't know how well they would work in your environment but they are: stress balls I have a large collection of all shapes, sizes and styles.

We have "slip seating" which is basically any open seat so I don't have a desk that's mine (which I hate) so anything I bring to work needs to fit in my backpack so I can take it back out with me. I can fit stressballs on there but not a ton of stuff.

I have a doodle notebook. This works two fold I can take notes/write down the things I wish I could tell the person on the other end of the line and I can doodle in the designs.

Yeah, I've done that too. I have a large notebook and since we cannot surf the web between calls I have been trying to figure out things I can write.

Also, I can bring one of my adult coloring books and colored pencils. Just thought about that. I helps A TON with self soothing!

ETA: I cannot find the adult coloring books & colored pencils. I thought they were in a location but come to find out they aren't and it's just some books. So will need to hunt for them when I get home from work today.

 

[Justmehere]

An accomendation without FMLA is like a desk that can rise for standing. Basically a medical must or medically necessary.

The language and terms and standards you are using to describe ADA accommodations on the job is not quite accurate and might be closing out options that would otherwise be avalible to you. I know it's what a supervsior said, but they probably don't know the ins and outs of what HR approves and doesn't. They are probably thinking of the needed to medically verify a disability.

One should not have to use FMLA for an ADA accommodation request to see a counselor once a week. Mental health is a qualifying disability under the ADA and flexible scheduling of work hours is a reasonable accommodation that can be requested under the ADA without FMLA. It seems pretty essential to being able to perform the duties of your job too.

In general, an accommodation is any change in the work environment or in the way things are customarily done that enables an individual with a disability to enjoy equal employment opportunities."(3). Reasonable Accommodations and Undue Hardship - EEOC

There are three categories of "reasonable accommodations" and you would fit under this type:

(ii) modifications or adjustments to the work environment, or to the manner or circumstances under which the position held or desired is customarily performed, that enable a qualified individual with a disability to perform the essential functions of that position... Reasonable Accommodations and Undue Hardship - EEOC

I'll give you two examples; I had an accommodation on the job of going a task in a quieter space. Was it medically nessecary to keep me alive? No. I would medically be fine without that.

But I would not be able to perform my job as well. I also had to take off two hours every Friday, even during training, to attend to medical care/counseling. So they adjusted the policy that I had to attend all training and had a trainer work one on one with me later.

The key is to show that the accommodations would help you get the job done.

 

[FauxLiz]

This site might help you understand what are considered reasonable accommodations for ptsd. I haven't had to use this list as of yet as my current position is very self directed but I am looking at other opportunities where this would come in handy.

Link Removed

 

[lostforgottensoul]

One should not have to use FMLA for an ADA accommodation request to see a counselor once a week. Mental health is a qualifying disability under the ADA and flexible scheduling of work hours is a reasonable accommodation that can be requested under the ADA without FMLA. It seems pretty essential to being able to perform the duties of your job too.

I have Mon & Tue off normally and that's when I see my therapist. This Mon - Fri schedule is phone training & phone OJT. It was the same for the orginal training & OJT but longer. They offer very flexiable schedules which is why that is something that would not be needed or approved. They would just give me a schedule with a weekday off, which I already have.

Missing even a day of training is a lot and missing a lot thus the need of "medically necessary".

 

[Scarlet13]

This is a great thread. There are a lot of good ideas here. PTSD in the work place is so hard. To answer your question about identifying triggers, this can be tricky because of disassociation that may be happening and even just being in work mode and the distraction this brings which is good.
I just can notice my triggers by thinking of them as markers or sign posts. My therapist says its like a wound that is there that someone has touched.
I have read some of your diary and I can say that sexual abuse and bullying (and like every trauma) can play out in the work place under neith the surface. For example, for me my sa trauma is triggered not always by sex or intimacy, but by words, tones, conversations, instructions and being told what to do. My abuser would criticize me and my "performance" during sa. And there was a lot of teaching and instructions during this abuse. So this gets triggered in the work place in non obvious ways.
Bullying triggers can happen in the work place easily with again performance and competition under currents which you may not subscribe to but that can trigger you. So maybe think about any themes or patterns in the triggers, it could be giving instructions for example, things that might not be obvious, but through observation you could see patterns.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

For example, for me my sa trauma is triggered not always by sex or intimacy, but by words, tones, conversations, instructions and being told what to do. My abuser would criticize me and my "performance" during sa. And there was a lot of teaching and instructions during this abuse. So this gets triggered in the work place in non obvious ways.

Hmmm, that's an intresting way to look at it. I've never even thought about this before. When the incident happened with the mentor he was giving me instructions in the switch (the very complicated system that works just about every phone service programming wise) and I can think back to several calls (they all sort of mesh together in my head but basically the bulk of them) is when I am giving instructions to the customer that they cannot follow...which is most of the customer base but it's those "I have told you 10 times in 10 different ways on how to do the most basic thing and broke it down to the most simplest pieces I could and you STILL cannot follow them" ones that really get me. It's not the irate caller. Scream at me enough and yeah, I'll snap but mostly I can handle that. I used to work Sprint Retention so had more then enough irate-ness exposure. Sometimes a fast trigger happens with certian words but for the most part the irate customer doesn't get to me like it does most.

My trauma was nothing but instructions. Rituals were instructed to be done a very specific way. Even down to the exact cuts (sorry - I try to stay ungraphic where I can) and where and how deep and how long and yeah, super detailed. If not exactly so we went back to drowning in the bath tub or locked in the closet or chained to be dealt with later. If I got it right I got more freedoms. Less of the punishments and more freedom stuff. So it was super important to get it perfectly correct the first time.

Holy crap that trigger is like super obvious now. How did I not see that?

Ok, well, what about staying aware? I mean, I can deploy what I can inside of DBT when I can but the blindness is just a huge issue. How do I deploy those skills during the trigger if the entire time I am like blinded in a way? My entire job is nothing but instructions. Either me giving them to a customer (99% of my job) or them being given to me. That is my job. So my entire job's a trigger. Ugh! Life couldn't just be a tiny bit simplier for me could it? I mean, f*ck all!

 

[Scarlet13]

Oh wow, that does suck. But you sound so strong. So I feel as though life is a trigger. My pantry is a trigger, food, my children-all triggers!
I am a teacher and laughing children or noise is a trigger.
All I can say is that you have awareness now.
You can get inpatient it seems in the face of repeated instructions because your abusers showed that to you, the idea of being disapproving if someone isn't getting it.
But think about what you did learn. You learned how to put up with shit, how to be pleasing, so customer service is going to work for you.
I learned how to read faces really well and keep conflict to a minimum.
You have the awareness now. Triggers are like sign posts. Keep being aware for patterns. If you get triggered look at the random aspects of the moment. Are those random aspects there in your abuse?
Especially with sa, triggers might not be obvious.