Sufferer Scared - childhood trauma & abuse

[Mumblina]

I'm not coping well anymore. I don't have anyone to talk to, in fact I haven't in a long time. I am isolated and it doesn't help but I'm not good with people at least not good at being myself. I can usually fake it pretty well. I am crumbling, I can't turn my mind off and it's consuming me. I can't stop crying and I just want it to stop. I feel like I'm suffocating. They keep saying it gets better... it's not. I'm in the darkest pit I have ever been and I'm scared

 

[SpacemanSpiff]

Hi there. Nice to have you here. I wish I could tell you when or how it will get better but I haven't been on this forum long though I find everyone here to be warm compassionate people. What's on your mind or more importantly what do you want out of your mind?

 

[Mumblina]

I would love nothing more to wake up with a clear mind and healed heart. I keep reading to try to keep my mind busy but I'm so tired. I'm afraid to sleep, and afraid to wake up. I use to paint and draw, I even wrote poetry. Do you like art?

 

[SpacemanSpiff]

I love art including poetry, photography, and even the five minute sketch. I only have about 55 poems on allpoetry but it's a good stress reliever.

I would love nothing more to wake up with a clear mind and healed heart. I keep reading to try to keep...

What do you like to read? I'm into classic literature and the American Civil War.

 

[Mumblina]

I read everything I get my hands on. Lately James Patterson. I never know what I will get when I go for new ones. I have a store near my house that has overstock books and I really just grab some and try them out.

 

[SpacemanSpiff]

I will pick up other books as well from time to time. So do you see a therapist or anyone? I read that you are lonely but I thought I'd ask anyhow. I also have problems sleeping and flashbacks as past trauma can wreck havoc on soul and body. Can I ask how long you've been struggling?

I was sexually abused by a way too old for me playmate when I was ten. And other things growing up as well. I wish I could say I'm recovered but I just started talk therapy again. So long road afoot.

 

[Joan]

Welcome. Glad that you reached out. Know that you are not alone. Hope that you can connect here and feel supported.

 

[Mumblina]

I was seeing someone for a while but i couldnt handle the medications and I just stopped going. I was abused, neglected, and abandoned as a child. Which set me up to be abused as an adult. I wouldn't wish any of these feelings I battle on anyone. And I'm sorry for any pain you have. I appreciate you talking to me. A lot

 

[SpacemanSpiff]

I was seeing someone for a while but i couldnt handle the medications and I just stopped going. I was...

Of course and you are very welcome. I totally get the adult abuse as well as a result of childhood abuse. I have problems setting boundaries and asserting myself to others. I grew up with an alcoholic father and remember going hungry during school lunches many times so he could spend his hundreds a month on booze. I wouldn't wish this on anyone either but I would be happy if the sheltered folks would emphasize a little bit. I'm sorry for your struggles as well. I think you made a wise choice by seeking out this forum.

 

[Mumblina]

My father was a drug addict and left. When he did come around it was rare and he would buy my bother and I lunch and you, just to vanish again. My mother was also a drug addict but unlike my father she didn't work. I seen a lot of violence. Men came and went and we moved a lot. By a lot I mean I went to 17 different schools before I reached high school. We often didn't have food and I recall not having water or electricity on many occasions. At maybe the age of 11 or 12, the details and memories are still blurry. She allowed men in my bed and I didn't understand it as I still don't. She to this day plays a victim and acts like she didn't know. I have been hit with any household object in reach. And after I became too much of a handful my mother sent me away to love with my father. Put me on a bus and well my father didnt show at the station to pick me up. I lived with my brother for sometime I was about 15 by then. Till I went and stayed with family in another state id never met. Things were better but I wasn't. I have been married twice both hateful and abusive. I have struggled with feeling so unlovable and unwanted.

 

[Mumblina]

You shared with me so I shared with you. It's hard for me still. I would hug you if I could.

 

[Esterio]

hi there Mumblina welcome
sorry for what you had to go though to need a site like this, I am glad your were able to find us. I hope this site is as helpful for you as it has been for me. Lots of good people here ready to listen and support when needed. Again welcome you are not alone in this any more.
Peace be safe