I’m falling apart. too much thrown at me at once

[Smile]

Had my first proper doc appointment in over 2 years and I’m def not in tip-top shape. I had a feeling bc I don’t eat and then I don’t eat properly, just what’s easiest. So now I have to deal (or ignore) with scary high cholesterol, questionable heart problems, etc.

Next. I moved to another state about 4 years ago and was living in my car until it became physically unbearable. So I jumped around from one backhouse to motels and back to my car again. Then my disability came in. Woohoo. I got an apartment that I’ve been living in for 11 months. Lease is almost up. My back pay is practically gone so I was in a turmoil over whether to resign the lease or move out.

Decided to stay bc no energy to move again. Told my landlord. Now he tells me he’s raising the rent for this coming year.

Soooo.... I’ve fallen on my face again. It’s back to my car. Or moving back to mom (which is really not an option bc that will certainly send me to the psychiatric ward).

Or, easiest way, just getting up the gumption to die.

 

[AnD]

You are not alone. Keep on writing here. I'll read it all.

 

[ladee]

Dieing is really not the easist way. Or at least I hope you come up with something else. Maybe by broadning your horizons... there is an answer... not knowing where in the States you live and what the cost of living is... I live in rural Texas... coming up on being homeless, I drove around looking for small mobile homes that might be for sale... small campers, ects.... I found an old '76 Winnebago in a pasture. I asked around, found the owner, and asked him if it was for sale... he was asking $600 for it... I told him I only had $200 cash, and he sold it to me.

I waited until my next payday and had it towed to a small travel trailer park.... it cost me $200 to have it towed, and $200 a month for space rent, all bills paid.... I have been here for over 6 yrs now.. It's not pretty, with the last Hurricane I now have a few leaks, it has no running water, no way to cook and no fridge..... I fill jugs with water for flushing the toilet, someone gave me a tiny fridge, and I use bottled water to drink. A friend lets me cook at her moms house.

The rent of course has gone up since moving here, we recently have new owners of the park.... they did not raise my rent!!! I hugged my new landlord, he was a little taken aback, but I was grateful... I have a roof over my head, a huge bed to sleep in, and only pay $300 a month to live here.... I have a very small income (retired) and some how, some way, I make it every month... I do have friends that take me out to eat at the end of the month.... as they know times are hard...

All of this to say, desperate times calls for desperate measures... it's not much, but it's home... I am independent, my own little ratty house to live in... and I am reasonably content. Think outside the box.... possibly you won't have to be homeless.... sending hope and energy to you to find a way to live, not die.

 

[saraemerald]

What @ladee said. There's always a way. And if you don't already, try to find people in your area that you can connect with and maybe they can help out.

 

[mumstheword]

I'm praying you will find a way and that you will stay with us. I've done years of vehicle living too and it's hard. The tiny home option somewhere peaceful?
I lived in the bush.in a little humpy once, the rain came in through a hole and I shared it with a nest of what looked like red back spiders but it was in the beautiful bush and nature has always been there for me and is a huge part of my healing.

I pray you can envision the kind of home environment that would be healing and the easiest option and that that vision will guide you to finding a way to make it a reality.

I realize things are probably very different in America to here, but I'm sure there are pockets of goodness and nature and kind souls and support to be found.

Please try to find a flicker of hope and know that no.matter how hard and horrible life has been for you and to you, things can get better, with a little faith and self-love and the "where there's a will there's a way" attitude.

I'm feeling for you and rooting for you.

 

[LuckiLee]

After my divorce I was broke too. I didn't want to go to an apartment because I wanted a yard. I checked out the local mobile home parks and found a "handy mans special" for $1. Everything worked however it needed some cosmetics done. Carpet and paint mostly. Now I only have the lot payment and utilities to pay for. And it's on a lake too.

Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[Deleted member 37868]

Had my first proper doc appointment in over 2 years and I’m def not in tip-top shape. I had a feeling b...

Tell me if I’m wrong, but these all sound like outside problems, things that are all going my wrong and are absolutely terrible, I’m not minimizing at all for one second I would never do that, but luckily they are things that can be changed even if you don’t see a way or a solution now, don’t give up! Of course it’s getting you down, it would get anyone down, I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now, but if I didn’t have a good relationship with my family I would probably be in a similar situation. Reach out, you probably don’t wanna to, but ask a friend if you can crash, chances are they won’t say no, even though the asking is hard. I don’t know what other mental health issues you have going on rn but I’ll assume ptsd is one of them, see a doctor make sure you’re taking your medication and taking care of your body and mind during this very stressful time in your life. See if there’s programs in your area to help get ppl back on their feet, and keep fighting. I’ve been at the brink of suicide so many times, so whenever I see someone post on here I respond, because when I look back and think that I could be dead now instead of being here it terrifies me. Life’s worth it