What to do with the attachment when therapy is over?

[UnicornSightings]

Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since therapy ended due to my t taking a sabbatical of unknown length. I need to move on. I know I do. It's important that I focus on myself and approving of myself and making myself proud in the way I wanted her to do. But this sucks. Sometimes it gets so overwhelming I find it hard to catch my breath. I'm sad. I tell myself it's ok to be sad. I remember other attachments and how it sometimes took YEARS to get over the person. I try to think of how I can approach things this time to make it easier for me. How I can be gentler with myself. I'm starting yoga for trauma but also considering a new t. It would be a way to get over the attachment although it could create a shiny brand new one. Do I go it alone during the most difficult season or risk another attachment?

 

[Eagle3]

Humans are designed to need attachments. I'd say make a new one. It won't be the same, but it will still be educational, and so beneficial if you find another good T. Give yourself the time and space to grieve the loss of the old one, yes, but you can use that as a launching pad for the next great adventure in human connected-ness. You can do it, I believe in you!

I'm sort of having to do that too. Left the best T I've ever worked with in another state when I left to follow a job and other opportunities. While I can still call him when I need to (and can afford to), this guy was very touch-centered in his therapy approach, and I can't find that here in person. Talking to him is still great, but its just not the same. I found a boyfriend instead! But I'm still on the hunt for a T locally that is not afraid to work on some touch-therapy. I need that, but its so hard to find.

Good luck to you in Yoga, that stuff is great! Also, good luck with your decision, whatever it is. :-)

 

[UnicornSightings]

Humans are designed to need attachments. I'd say make a new one. It won't be the same, but it will still b...

I really appreciate you commenting and congrats on the boyfriend! Woohoo! And good luck in your search for a new t. I don't think my attachment was healthy, though. I wanted so much for her to think I was special and all that stuff I didn't have as a kid. So not a normal, healthy attachment. I think I could really benefit from talking about it with a new t but I really don't want to have a new obsession. I want my own life and to be as strong as my last t. Thanks for the well wishes in yoga!

 

[deeplyloved]

I’m so sorry you have lost your therapist. I’m not in any kind of position to give advice about attachment or therapy in general. I wonder what will give you the most peace and the greatest healing. You deserve support. I’m terrified of my own attachment to my own therapist...and of talking with her about it. You use the word “obsession” but can I tell you that you really don’t come across that way. Maybe you’re being too harsh with yourself? It doesn’t sound (in this or other threads) like you are prone to obsessive attachments. It sounds like you’ve been badly hurt and your working very hard to heal. Take good care.

 

[UnicornSightings]

I’m so sorry you have lost your therapist. I’m not in any kind of position to give advice abou...

Thank you for replying! I guess I mean obsession in the fact that I can't let it go. During therapy I would count the days sometimes til I saw her and overthink on how she said certain things, practice conversations with her for future sessions, now I'm saving pics of her from Facebook so I feel connected to her in some way. I don't just STARE at them but I like knowing they're on my phone. I hate that I'll never see her again. I know how I feel doesn't match reality and if I DID get more sessions with her now I'd be like "uh... yo what's up?" lol and I wouldn't be all weepy. I've actually never cried in front of her. I feel like no one would ever compare to her.

I wasn't seen for myself when I was a kid. Or for most of my life. So when anyone in any sort of authority SEES me, there is the start of attachment and I start building their pedestal lol. It sucks. I DO judge myself for it a bit so thanks for the reminder to be kinder. My old t said to "turn harshness into self-compassion". I liked her so much.

I'm sorry that you are so afraid of your own attachment and I wish you courage in talking about it. It's hard.

 

[watundah]

I was terribly sad and full of grief when I quit my T but I got over the deep sense if loss much quicker than I initially thought I would. It was helpful to remind myself "It's a professional relationship and not meant to last forever." As important and helpful as she was to me, I knew it was time to let go. This, too, is a growth experience. Hang in there, keep busy, it will get easier.

 

[UnicornSightings]

I was terribly sad and full of grief when I quit my T but I got over the deep sense if loss much quick...

Thank you! I'm glad it was something that got easier for you! I think it's so hard because I don't have anyone else in my life, you know? I've always been one to isolate. I've been working at being more social but haven't made any close connections so I have no one I can be myself around. So it's attachment on someone who will never be what I want or nothing.

 

[watundah]

Right, attachment is a giant factor and so tough to let go of, especially if they modeled what a healthy, nurturing parent would have been like. I still like to check my Ts profile pic from time to time as a reminder, too, even tho we no longer have a relationship, Ill never forget how she helped me. We are fortunate in this way. Now is the challenge to find healthy relationships in real life. Youre on the right track w yoga. It's a great start - just keep putting yourself out there.

 

[deeplyloved]

Maybe I’m on the brink of an unhealthy attachment, too. I feel like my therapist is an important anchor in my week and I countdown the days until I see her. Well, for the past couple of months that I’ve been processing trauma, I rarely make it between appointments without needing to email, text or call her for support. I try, but sometimes it takes more energy to avoid it than to just allow myself to reach out. She says that it’s ok, charges me for contact that lasts longer than 30 minutes (as she should) and only asks that I try my other coping strategies first. But I’m still filled with fear of losing her...dread that I will become too much of a burden and she will leave.

I hope yoga is healing and nourishing for you. I hope you also find a few more connections with trustworthy, loving people. You deserve care and support.

 

[Scarlet13]

So, I would consider a trauma focused T with a psychodynamic bent.
If I recall your previous T was a DBT specialist, right?
That is great to learn skills.
It sounds like you attached to her and she did not help the attachment become healthy. A new T may help you manage an inevitable attachment way better. Your next attachment may function differently than your last one, you may feel like you are being "held" better and this will lower the desperation.
Going onto facebook to get pics of your T to save on your phone is not so healthy. This is her life, her space. You don't need that information.
You have what she taught you. She is apart of you and will always be because she has shaped your thoughts.
Find a new T because you need therapy still. Think about your issues and find the best professional who will serve what you need and ache for.
This may well be a trauma T who can navigate and heal attachment issues.