Hi. I'm a 22 year old Japanese Canadian guy. I have lived a life of severe social and emotional isolation. I was born to a caregiver who could not provide me the emotional attunement that every child needs, causing disorganized attachment. This emotional neglect ultimately caused me to dissociate which led me to live a life of anxiety, low self esteem, and depression. Also, I was separated from my father when I was ten years old. A year ago, I pretty much met the symptoms of avoidant personality disorder to a tee. However, in November last year, something triggered a state of chronic depersonalization/derealization. I don't feel worthless or have racing negative thoughts anymore, but I feel cut off from everyone/everything and my mind is blank. I'm not sure what triggered my DP. I had a very emotional conversation with my dad on Remembrance Day of last year telling him how I wish he didn't leave. It could have been that or smoking pot with a friend or just my struggle with long term unemployment. Anyways, I have some tactics in helping me get out dp/dr but so far they have not worked. I exercise, eat healthy, abstain from drugs/porn, and try to get a good nights sleep. I've used a lot of money on supplements/nootropics as well. I also have a bunch of nootropics coming in the next 2 weeks. That includes:
Lion's mane mushroom, cordyceps
Uridine Monophosphate+Alpha GPC+Fish oil
Bacopa monneiri
Rhodiola rosea
Black seed oil
sarcosine+NAC
CBD isolate
B complex/niacin/vitamin b12
magnesium malate
noopept
I want to pursue trauma therapy(EMDR/somatic experiencing), neurofeedback(I had an EEG session done yesterday) but, this all seems pointless if I'm chronically dissociated.
So.. it seems like ayahuasca/Iboga have the power to force myself to confront my traumatic memories and process them. I believe processing these traumatic memories is the key to getting out of dp.
I should say that I've only incorporated my tactics for the past 3 weeks. Although I'm pretty proud of staying so productive this long. Usually I quit after a few days. If exercise,diet,nootropics,sleep,abstinence from drugs/porn won't relieve my dp.. then psychedelics seem like to only option. I'm just worried it could trigger HPPD/ schizophrenia/ psychosis/ bipolar/ DID, or suicide.
I am quite new to dissociative disorders, CPTSD, and the treatment of these disorders. If you took the time to read my post, thank you. So.. what should I do?
Lion's mane mushroom, cordyceps
Uridine Monophosphate+Alpha GPC+Fish oil
Bacopa monneiri
Rhodiola rosea
Black seed oil
sarcosine+NAC
CBD isolate
B complex/niacin/vitamin b12
magnesium malate
noopept
I want to pursue trauma therapy(EMDR/somatic experiencing), neurofeedback(I had an EEG session done yesterday) but, this all seems pointless if I'm chronically dissociated.
So.. it seems like ayahuasca/Iboga have the power to force myself to confront my traumatic memories and process them. I believe processing these traumatic memories is the key to getting out of dp.
I should say that I've only incorporated my tactics for the past 3 weeks. Although I'm pretty proud of staying so productive this long. Usually I quit after a few days. If exercise,diet,nootropics,sleep,abstinence from drugs/porn won't relieve my dp.. then psychedelics seem like to only option. I'm just worried it could trigger HPPD/ schizophrenia/ psychosis/ bipolar/ DID, or suicide.
I am quite new to dissociative disorders, CPTSD, and the treatment of these disorders. If you took the time to read my post, thank you. So.. what should I do?