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So I researched for a good 6 months to maybe 1 year before attempting a therapeutic mushroom session to help resolve past trauma.
I had previous experience with mushrooms but in a more social surrounding however was fully aware of how introspective and powerful mushrooms are, I thought after hearing all the latest research and how they could help cure depression I was on board. Anything to just get better.
I planned a weekend away with my partner we both dosed in a relaxing and warm environment it was truly healing.. I had extreme catharsis whereby my body shook violently, I could only let it happen and rest in the knowledge that I had faith it would all be fine. After maybe up to an hour or so of catharsis I began to calm down. I spoke with my partner about my current life situation and past trauma.. I was able to not only perceive the trauma but feel it in a different perspective.. Sort of the perspective of 'oneness'.. And then suddenly everything felt okay I opened up a part of me that had been long missing for a decade or more.. Suddenly I could feel happinneas, motivation, safety, general well being.. I felt a profound sense of 'yes this is me!'
I was so happy for hours, I cried so hard, I was truly happy to be reconnected.. I then made two fatal mistakes afterwards.. I smoked MJ (I became overly confident thinking I was now 'fixed') this brought on slight anxiety and shortly afterwards I went to meet my partner in bed (second mistake) and lay there, gradually I began to dissociate and drift slowly into a freeze state of tonic immobility, suddenly bam I was thrown into a flashback I had never experienced before.. A flashback of the moment of my first trauma and it's accompanying horrifying terror.. I instantly jumped up from the bed and had a extreme panic attack I felt I was falling to my death backwards.. At first I was concerned I was having a heart attack as It was that intense.. It lasted hours but eventually It gradually subsided over a period of the remaining night... The next morning I was exhausted, booked another night to rest up and drive home the day afterwards.
Luckily I was in therapy at the time so I had a support network to call on, in addition I had some knowledge of how to handle a flashback and panic attack if they ever occured.. Over a period of the next 3-4 weeks I required these skills massively as I was having flashbacks every other day and panic attacks all most daily..
It took a period of 3 months or so for these symptoms to calm down. Anyway that event changed everything.. I now and still do have increased PTSD symptoms and serious hardship with depression but I recovered a part of my self.. I recovered my voice. I recovered a part of me that I now know it still there and each test I get brings me closer to healing and moving towards what I feel is 'I'...
I wanted to share as I know a lot of people are riding the new psychedelic wave to cure mental illness (which I feel it had massive potential) however I would warn that I would do it with a professional team that truly knows what they are doing, these are serious chemicals requiring respect.
I hope my story can inform others of the dangers but also of potential benefits if undertaken with appropriate supervision (not a trip sitter but a therapist).
I had previous experience with mushrooms but in a more social surrounding however was fully aware of how introspective and powerful mushrooms are, I thought after hearing all the latest research and how they could help cure depression I was on board. Anything to just get better.
I planned a weekend away with my partner we both dosed in a relaxing and warm environment it was truly healing.. I had extreme catharsis whereby my body shook violently, I could only let it happen and rest in the knowledge that I had faith it would all be fine. After maybe up to an hour or so of catharsis I began to calm down. I spoke with my partner about my current life situation and past trauma.. I was able to not only perceive the trauma but feel it in a different perspective.. Sort of the perspective of 'oneness'.. And then suddenly everything felt okay I opened up a part of me that had been long missing for a decade or more.. Suddenly I could feel happinneas, motivation, safety, general well being.. I felt a profound sense of 'yes this is me!'
I was so happy for hours, I cried so hard, I was truly happy to be reconnected.. I then made two fatal mistakes afterwards.. I smoked MJ (I became overly confident thinking I was now 'fixed') this brought on slight anxiety and shortly afterwards I went to meet my partner in bed (second mistake) and lay there, gradually I began to dissociate and drift slowly into a freeze state of tonic immobility, suddenly bam I was thrown into a flashback I had never experienced before.. A flashback of the moment of my first trauma and it's accompanying horrifying terror.. I instantly jumped up from the bed and had a extreme panic attack I felt I was falling to my death backwards.. At first I was concerned I was having a heart attack as It was that intense.. It lasted hours but eventually It gradually subsided over a period of the remaining night... The next morning I was exhausted, booked another night to rest up and drive home the day afterwards.
Luckily I was in therapy at the time so I had a support network to call on, in addition I had some knowledge of how to handle a flashback and panic attack if they ever occured.. Over a period of the next 3-4 weeks I required these skills massively as I was having flashbacks every other day and panic attacks all most daily..
It took a period of 3 months or so for these symptoms to calm down. Anyway that event changed everything.. I now and still do have increased PTSD symptoms and serious hardship with depression but I recovered a part of my self.. I recovered my voice. I recovered a part of me that I now know it still there and each test I get brings me closer to healing and moving towards what I feel is 'I'...
I wanted to share as I know a lot of people are riding the new psychedelic wave to cure mental illness (which I feel it had massive potential) however I would warn that I would do it with a professional team that truly knows what they are doing, these are serious chemicals requiring respect.
I hope my story can inform others of the dangers but also of potential benefits if undertaken with appropriate supervision (not a trip sitter but a therapist).
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