Children of abusive parents

[Chem Lady]

What a great loss and added life-difficulty it is when you grew up without supportive parents! I find it difficult when I am disappointed by other relationships as an adult. Partly because no one was there to comfort me when I was bullied as a child or ignored or forgotten. No one was there to care about the relationship hurts as a child. Now, as an adult, when I experience these same things, they are more difficult for two reasons: 1. It’s just another painful relationship experience on top of a large pile that never were cared about. They just seem to add up. And, 2. Without any family to care about me (past or present), it just reminds me of how alone I am all the time and constantly without those supportive relationships. I look for support in non-family people, but they never seem to replace the care I should’ve gotten or could have still received from a caring parent.
Today was a tough day relationship-wise at work. Sometimes it really gets me down. It helps to share here because I’m sure some of you understand what I’m talking about. Thanks for listening. I’ll take any hugs you care to share.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

the care I should’ve gotten or could have still received from a caring parent.

I can relate and understand. The soul murder was complete. Now I am trying to parent me and I am still very brand new at this and not yet very good yet. Here are some healing hugs and to tell you that you do matter and and are worth taking good care of.:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

 

[EveHarrington]

I think the key is reparenting ourselves.

 

[Chem Lady]

Thank you both. I am doing pretty well, but I still have a bad day from time to time and it’s just hard to find support in those moments.

 

[lostnconfused]

Hello.

I relate to your life story. What has helped me a little, in re-parenting myself, was discovering adult who were around my parents' ages (e.g., teachers in real life, college-educated adults or Ivy League professors online I'd never met) whose careers or positive life advice interested me and whom I felt like I wanted to emulate. It really helps remind me that not all adults act abusive to others or are emotional volatile, spending their lives swearing and shouting about petty things all the time.

Maybe doing something like that would help you, too.

 

[mumstheword]

I can totally relate! (((((((Hugs))))))))
It's really hard. I hope you have some loving friends in your life. Life's too hard to get through without friends.

 

[Rose White]

(((((((@Chem Lady ))))))))) I can really relate to your post. Sometimes I just wonder if any human will ever hold me without wanting to have sex with me or take my money. Actually I think I'd rather pay someone to hold me because then I wouldn't feel like I owed them something afterward.

@Rain

I can relate and understand. The soul murder was complete.

Yesterday, for the first time ever I felt like I could understand what it means to be a zombie. I felt like I died when my dad sexually abused me. He killed my heart and my ability to connect with other people. I feel like part of me is already dead. I feel like it's so hard to make friends because when people find out that I don't have a circle of friends and I am not close with anyone in my family then they realize that I'm not like them, not like a "real person," and they leave me alone.

The weird thing is that I'm super nice and friendly in my professional life (elementary teacher) and I feel purposeful. However, in my personal life I am super alone and wondering how I can continue without friends or self nurturing skills.

This forum is super helpful for helping me to pick myself up from the mud because every single person on here is trying to do the same or has already been through it. I am so grateful for posts like this, where you open up about your pain, which helps others like me to open up about their pain. My to-do list: 1) Turn toxic shame into rage against abusers, 2) Reach out to friends and family for support, 3) Do what you want to do when you want to do it. :hug::hug::hug:

 

[Starfish]

I so relate in most of your circumstances and am feeling,today, a lot of pain about the inability for me to form trusting friendships. I have locked myself in my room (i have a roommate)and am watching movies and crying sometimes. I have my phone off in case my grown kids try to call, since it is Sunday. I know in my head this is what happens when one has non-supportive parents. And yet, at 64 years old, sometimes it seems so dark and alone.
I will relax in my bed until this passes and not criticize myself for "being lazy" or "not using one of my ptsd tools". I know this will change eventually.
I am grateful I have this forum to make reference to when i feel like this and know it will change and that there are lots out there suffering, like me. that does help.

 

[Rose White]

:hug: ((((((((@crushed )))))))) I’m having such a hard day too. I’m just numbing, starving, and dissociating into mindless housework.

I should commit to doing one thing for myself right now, like eat. Or the very least not criticize myself for feeling this way, like you said. I have to know that feelings change and experiences are temporary.

 

[WhiteHatGirl]

What a great loss and added life-difficulty it is when you grew up without supportive parents! I find...

I completely identify. I am from a very confusing alcoholic family with a lot of shame based thinking. My identity was shown to be of no value to my family over and over and I've found a way to have it repeat into my adult life with part of the family as an adult as well. I just want to be valued and loved for who I am unconditionally.