Can’t speak.

[BoN-bOn]

I know I’ve read multiple posts about people having difficulty opening up & speaking during therapy sessions. For whatever reason, I have a terrible time being able to just talk when I go to therapy. I don’t even understand it. I can talk with ease anywhere else....I can even talk to my T with ease outside of the office. There’s something about sitting on that couch that makes me mute! I WANT to talk...sometimes I feel like I’m racking my brain trying to think of words to speak...they just leave & I sit there SO tense & ashamed! Is this disociation?? Is there something that happened to me before I was verbal!? I just don’t know where this behavior is coming from and I am so frustrated with myself!!

I have been with my T for a year. I trust her. I have talked about a lot of my trauma with her already & im beginning to connect emotions & feelings with some of the traumas. She pushes me. I do a lot of emailing & have gotten a lot out that way. When it comes to talking in therapy it’s just so difficult & it’s been that way for a year.

Can anyone help?? Has anyone found a way to push through the silence & really find your voice??

 

[Rumors]

Nope..can't help and haven't gotten there but sending good thoughts that you do..

 

[Muted]

I know I’ve read multiple posts about people having difficulty opening up & speaking during therapy s...

Ugh! I get that, my big accomplishment is kinda recently I was able to force myself. I don’t know how I did. Sometimes I have the words in my mind, but I can’t verbalize them. It’s like a stuck feeling. At times, I think it can be an inner battle of some of my parts wanting to push my t away, other times it’s the trauma triggered. I think it could be a younger proverbal part also though.

 

[BoN-bOn]

Nope..can't help and haven't gotten there but sending good thoughts that you do..

Not very encouraging @Rumors ! Haha! It is SO hard! :( I’m sending you good thoughts as well. It’s so crazy how our brains work.

 

[hymnless]

Hey! So this is a problem that I've gone through for a really long time, but has intensified since getting deep into trauma work (especially trauma I haven't discussed before). I don't know if this is how you feel, but I will often have the words that I want to say screaming in my head, but I open my mouth and they don't come out. I don't have that problem at any other point in my life, only the moment when I have to say something about my own trauma and have to hear myself say it or know that there might be a follow up question. Even if you don't answer the follow up question it's still so scary to know that it could exist. I'd been with my previous therapist for 5 years and still struggled with this. For me e-mailing has made a huge difference because then they know what questions to ask or even not ask. Recently I was able to say some things out loud that I'd been so terrified of for a really long time. I wish that I could say that there had been a magic bullet that made it happen, but there wasn't. I just finally got so overwhelmed from it building up inside forever that I had to finally give up a piece of that power to someone else.

The only thing that I can think of that's really changed for me was my new therapist's self-disclosure in a very stressful and vulnerable moment. I finally just shouted at her "how the f*ck do you know that this is going to get better?!?" and she told me that she knew because she had been there and that she had been in the same place that I'm in right now. I didn't really see it coming and I know that it's not something that is terribly likely to happen to others, but just being able to put a face to the words of someone else having been through that made it a lot easier. I don't think it would really have mattered if it had been her or not who'd said it- I just needed to hear someone else say that I'm not the only one. It's one thing to read it or logically know that others have been through similar situations, it's another to actually hear it and sit in that moment with them. So perhaps if it's an option it might help to find a support group or something where you can just hear someone else in front of you say that they've been through something similar. You don't necessarily have to say it back but it might help just to hear out loud that they've been there and they've seen the other side, or at least seen the part where they can start talking.

 

[Justmehere]

Reading out loud what I have written down has helped me talk more.

 

[BoN-bOn]

Hey! So this is a problem that I've gone through for a really long time, but has intensified since ge...

Thank you @BookerNoe ...it is very helpful to know that I’m not alone. I think being understanding with yourself about having a hard time & knowing that you aren’t just bat sh*# crazy or the only one to have ever experienced this is helpful also. Even when I am able to speak, it doesn’t even sound like my voice coming out! Like some terrified little girl...SO quiet she can barely hear me, & she has pointed out to me that I often don’t finish my sentences. :banghead: This isn’t “normal” for me in everyday life.

Reading out loud what I have written down has helped me talk more.

That’s one thing I haven’t tried @Justmehere ...as my T usually reads what I’ve written. Sounds very uncomfortable but maybe it would be a start for me.

 

[NightSky]

How are you in the room emotionally? Do you cry? Are you afraid to cry? If so, could a fear of becoming emotional keep you quiet?

 

[hymnless]

Thank you @BookerNoe ...it is very helpful to know that I’m not alone. I think bei...

My therapist will often ask me to repeat myself because she can't hear me because I talk so quietly. Outside of her office I've only ever been asked to keep my voice down! No one else in my life would describe me as quiet or at a loss for words. I also have a hard time finishing my sentences in those moments. Sometimes you've just go to be ok with only getting it halfway out.

 

[BoN-bOn]

How are you in the room emotionally? Do you cry? Are you afraid to cry? If so, could a fear of becomin...

I’ve just recently been able to cry @NightSky With the help of Yoga & learning how to connect with myself in a new way...& that’s kind of big for me because I’ve never really shared tears with people unless it has to do with THEIR pain...not mine. I have had a hard time in the past being able to cry. To the point that i questioned how i could talk about such terrible things, but never show any emotion. I guess I do go in to sessions feeling very guarded/protective & I don’t know why or how to fix that. Lately it seems the floodgates have opened & I’ve been able to let go of some of the blame/control & get in touch with some of the sadness surrounding what happened to me. It’s just words that I can’t get in touch with. I don’t want to be silent forever. :(

 

[NightSky]

You won’t be silent forever. How long have you been with your T? Being able to cry is really a step in the right direction for some people who are unable to speak.

 

[BoN-bOn]

I’ve only been at this for a year @NightSky ...total. I’m 37 & just facing a LOT of abuse for the first time. I touched on it briefly about 11 years ago when I was going through a bad divorce, but I know i couldn’t have handled it then. I know this process takes time. I just get so impatient with myself & I want the healing to happen right NOW. I guess I still need to work on self compassion. :(