Therapist revenge

[Friday]

After the convo in chat today I stumbled across this article by chance... Thought you might be interested. Vengefulness Is Driven by One Dominant Personality Trait

"Do you have any actionable advice for someone reading this Psychology Today blog post who self-identifies as being prone to vengefulness but wants to stop impulsively acting out on his or her revenge-seeking behavior?"

"If vengeful individuals are motivated by the pleasure of the act of revenge, then they can do a few things:

• Distract themselves with another, pleasurable outlet that isn't harmful.
• Re-construe their "sweet revenge" in constructive, non-harmful terms (e.g., working out to make their ex regret breaking up with them)
• Adopt mindfulness techniques to help them disconnect the emotions surrounding revenge from their actions.

 

[Deleted member 38906]

After the convo in chat today I stumbled across this article by chance... Thought you might be intereste...

I'm not sadistic, thank you very much

 

[EveHarrington]

Uhm but aren’t you if you are this driven to get revenge on someone?

 

[Deleted member 37085]

I believe the lines are blurred a bit when only "thinking" about revenge suddenly becomes the sadism de jour of course only IMHO.

And some who may be thinking about revenge are not always (black or white) again IMHO seeking or deriving "pleasure" from same. Love and Peace.

 

[Hooper]

Driven to get revenge and actually doing it are 2 completely different things. The article states "What drives some people to act out of vengefulness more than others? Sadism is the dominant Link Removed trait that makes certain people more likely than others to seek revenge." The OP as best I can tell is fantasizing about revenge in a sleep deprived state and disturbed enough by it to discuss it publicly albeit anonymously. I've wanted revenge since justice was not a viable option and depending on what was done I've had anger keep me on a 2-3 hour a day sleep schedule for weeks. Insomnia isn't fertile ground for rational thinking. I know my most vengeful thoughts come from extreme anger combined with a lack of sleep. When you have been wronged you have limited options to deal with the anger:
1. Legal/justice system with hardly any guarantee.
2. Revenge which can come in legal and illegal forms.
3. Letting it go.
I don't know the situation to know if the justice system was used and worked/failed but from what I've read all she has done is considered revenge to the point it bothers her enough to seek advice/help. Since the suggestion of letting it go set the OP off I'm sure that option was off the table. I bought 5 power ball tickets tonight for the entertainment of fantasizing over winning $200 mil. It hardly means I'm a multimillionaire. I am $10 poorer though. I know the saying is actions speak louder than words but in this case actions speak louder than thoughts and thoughts that are not acted on hardly define you. They may not be healthy but it's better than the action of revenge.

 

[shimmerz]

I guess I would have to wonder what the ultimate purpose of the revenge is. Is it to make them stop something? To hurt them like they hurt you? To teach them a lesson?

And how will you know that revenge has been exacted? How would that look to you? Would you smile? Laugh? Be happy for the rest of your life?

I can't help but think that perhaps your anger and need for revenge isn't being placed on the actual abuser/s rather than your ex T. Does that feel more dangerous to you?

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Could the thinking about revenge be a way of not feeling helpless.

Usually when I have these feelings, it´s because of this. I feel like someone;
- betrayed me in one way or another or did me wrong
- or they made me feel vulnerable for which I want payback

Revenge is not the same thing as sadism. Revenge is a (not necessarily healthy) response to pain. Whereas sadism I believe is the intent to inflict pain merely because it gives the perpetrator a sense of satisfaction. I can see why people would equate them, but in their core they are quite different.

I agree with the suggestion to follow the anger trail. What "did" this person do to you personally? In terms of emotion? If you have got that pinned down precisely, you can see if there are other ways to manage your sentiment.

 

[Deleted member 38906]

Usually when I have these feelings, it´s because of this. I feel like someone;
- betrayed me in one way or...

That person encouraged me to trust her because 'she knows what she is doing'. After I did and opened up, all she could tell me was to forgive, wish well and move on. It doesn't sound like a big deal but when you are already feeling guilty about the anger you are feeling towards your abuser who is also your mother (someone you are supposed to love unconditionally), it feels like an arrow right in the middle of your heart.

 

[EveHarrington]

Driven to get revenge and actually doing it are 2 completely different things. The article states "What...

OP has already started ACTING out the revenge per other posts where she’s left fake online reviews about her therapist.

 

[Deleted member 38906]

OP has already started ACTING out the revenge per other posts where she’s left fake online revi...

The fake review was deleted and the fake part was all positive information about my therapist. If you want to refer to a previous thread or action of mine please don't take it out of context.

 

[EveHarrington]

The fake review was deleted and the fake part was all positive information about my therapist. If you want...

It wasn’t out of context. This thread is about revenge. That thread was about you seeking revenge on your therapist by leaving false information in a review. You took it down because she could threaten legal action on you, correct? It’s all relevant and related. Removing the review is immaterial as you still took action to write the review with a fake name and leave false information.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

@Moo can you tell us what you needed her to do? In order to feel safe?
If I´m understanding you correctly, you feel unsafe now because you shared something and then nothing was done with that information other than telling you to let it go.

I had an abuse mother too.
In that context, could it be that you´re angry at the guilt you are feeling? Try and see if you recognize this train of thought:

Your therapist says: move on and forget it, and forgive her.
Your guilt says: move on and forget it, you should be bigger than that, forgive her, don´t be angry, bla, bla, bla.

(I know because I´ve been there).

It could be that your anger is for your guilt, not for your therapist. Your therapist is not forcing you to move on. At the same time, your therapist cannot look into your head, and so her guess will always be a guess (even if it´s an educated guess, and even if she tells you she knows best). Your guilt has more power over you than your therapist.

Anger (and these very intense feelings of destruction and rage) are tools that you can use. They can either destroy you, or you can harness them and use them against the emotional blockades that are going on with YOU. Meaning that if you harness this anger against your guilt (or feelings of what you "should" do, instead of making your own anger valid), you can tell it to get lost.

I hope this helps.