General What are they thinking?

[Freida]

I did not want someone prying. I did not want someone curious. I did not even want someone to be concerned for me. I wanted no fuss made over me or the H visit. I just wanted to go on as if nothing had happened. But of course, that is probably unrealistic on my part. Or maybe not....

@SheilaKathy that makes perfect sense to me. It's pretty much what I would be thinking. I'm curious to see what supporters think....

 

[Changing4Best]

Starting to put up my Christmas stuff and yep -- makes me want to bail. To many memories - both good and...

OH, I am not hardly in the mood for Christmas at all. I did put up a small tree, I set out my fake pointsetta, I decorated my front door a bit with a small Nativity and some fake red flowers, and that was it. The tree? It is maybe 2 feet tall. The ONLY thing that cheers me up is the lights on the tree. I gaze at them and I am happy for the bright colors. Still, I am not in the mood this year. Other years I have been, but too much stuff is going on in my life to do with the H bills, (just got more of them today) to keep my mind focused on what it really should be focused on at this time of year, but I just cannot do it. So far, as far as I know, I will be alone on Christmas, which I am glad that RAIN put up a place for us to be on that holiday here. Were it not for that, I would be doubly sad.

 

[Changing4Best]

This thread has been so educational and eye opening. It's given me a new perspective on man...

I was married for 23 years to a wonderful man. He passed away in 2005. I doubt anyone would ever live up to his standards, so I am not planning to ever marry again. However, God might have other plans, ya never know....

I never ghosted on my husband. I did not have to. He respected my privacy. He respected me period. In fact, as I look back on it, he was too good to me! (Ashamed to say it). He put up with a lot though. And yes, there was a lot of love.

As to the "stare" I think I do that too, sometimes. I live in the mountains and you can see about 10 miles away sometimes in good weather. I take advantage of that as often as I can, gazing out at the peaks. I look out the window a lot, that is one of my favorite escapes. I did that as a child too. I would sit by a window and just gaze out it for hours contentedly. I still do that today and I choose a window that has a good view, with some distance to it.

 

[LuckiLee]

@SheilaKathy and @Freida. I agree. When J is in PTSD mode i don't pry. He'll share when he's ready. I never ask about his trauma's. Those are his. But i am always here to listen. And i know he feels safe because he does share with me.

The day he told me he had PTSD is the day i started my research. And we've been together quite a while so i know when to give him his space. If i hadn't done my research i would probably be begging for answers too. And we probably would have never made it this long.

 

[Changing4Best]

Anniversary dates, only one. Beginning of Nov. (I got out of the Hospital on Halloween). What is the anniversary? Hubby's death. nuff said. tears want to come./

 

[LuckiLee]

Hugs to you @SheilaKathy. So very sorry for your loss! XO

 

[EveHarrington]

Can we ask ANY question here? Why do Vets have „the stare“? In Germany we call it „the stare...

It’s not just a vet thing. It’s a ptsd/trauma thing.

 

[Changing4Best]

Hugs to you @SheilaKathy. So very sorry for your loss.

Thanks.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I'm curious to see what supporters think....

What would you think if your supporter went to the hospital and then refused to tell you about their prognosis, treatment or state of health?

 

[Freida]

@Sweetpea76 well sure -- when you put it THAT way .......;) yep. that's why I started this thread. Nothing like a good ole smack upside the head to keep me honest -- because yes. If hubby refused to talk to me after getting out of the hospital I would be furious. Other supporters? If they said they weren't ready to talk I could probably accept that... maybe......?? damn. I really don't know. :banghead:

 

[Freida]

OH, I am not hardly in the mood for Christmas at all.

@SheilaKathy I''m so sorry for your loss. Llast year was my first in EMDR and I was barely able to make it thru the day. The idea of getting into Christmas was just beyond me. This year things are better. I'm tired but I'm able to work on it a bit at a time -- which makes the family happy. Hopefully things will get easier for you next year....

 

[LuckiLee]

My Mom passed away Thanksgiving night (11 years ago). After that we changed how we do the holidays a little bit.

On Thanksgiving we BBQ. For Christmas we pick names now and changed the menu. Small changes but they are helpful.

Maybe a few changes are what you need too. Merry Christmas!