Gs172003
Diamond Member
My husband wants us to go to marriage counseling and I don't think I can do it. I don't want to go back over my stuff yet again. I can't.
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Avoiding marriage counseling
- Post starter Gs172003
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D
Deleted member 541
Keep saying you “can’t” and you won’t be able too. Exposure therapy and going over stuff is hard, but in the end it’s worth it. Going THROUGH our trauma is the only way to get better. You can’t go around it.
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- #4
Gs172003
Diamond Member
I will at some point have to talk about my past. I don't want to.
Not to mention the guy he wants to go to is a former sex addict turned counselor. I told my husband I'll go but not at his office. I refuse to go to a guy like that where he has power. My husband knows him through the men's addiction group he goes to.
Ugh I guess.
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Usually marriage counselling wouldn't be about the past or exposure therapy. It would rather be about the relationship. It sounds like you have excellent reason to not want to see this t. It is also usual to have an impartial new couples t and not someone your husband already knows. I know that if intimacy issues are part of the relationship difficulties that can seem impossible and does bring things up but you get to decide what you can speak about and cant. It may be wise to have a marriage counselor who has some understanding of PTSD. I am assuming your husband knows you have PTSD?
Yeah, the fact that this counselor is agreeing to this type of arrangement, means to me that he isn't the one to go to. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that this is far from an equitable arrangement for you.
I get the apprehension about going to a marriage counselor. They are less likely to get trauma and it could well be setting you up for being scapegoated. I feel like if your husband wants to go to counseling that perhaps you should be looking for the therapist. One who is trauma informed and one that you feel safe with.
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Deleted member 541
If you decide to go, You and hubby must decide on a T that neither of you know. That’s the fair way to move forward.
EveHarrington
VIP Member
I wouldn’t want to go to a reformed sex addict!
(CSA survivor.)
(CSA survivor.)
D
Deleted member 12723
I think your instincts are spot on. I agree with everyone to go to a T that is trauma based if you can find one, for that would be safer for you. Good luck.
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- #10
Gs172003
Diamond Member
He does but doesn't understand it
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Avoiding Stupid = The Smart Thing To Do
I would be exceptionally leery of seeing anyone in a 12Step / Anonymous format when dealing with trauma & PTSD. There's an extremely different paradigm (also the not insubstantial difference of a 3month CDP certification, vs 8-12years of higher ed + thousands of internship hours). It's not "freeing" with PTSD to discuss trauma. You're not as sick as your secrets. Comparatively, addiction is extremely simple.
Just because addiction counselors are used to counseling families in & about addiction doesn't mean they are even scratching the surface of being the barest beginning of being qualified to deal with heavy hitting disorders like PTSD. This would be like seeing an optometrist for open heart surgery.
Are there CDPs whose addiction counseling chops are the most minor of their training? Yep. There are some 8-12 year peeps who also counsel addicts, because addiction is a very small -but frequently found rider- to much larger issues. Most, however? Tend to view addiction as the biggest baddest be all end all of issues. Because that's their own experience. Addiction was THEIR big issue, then they took a quarter in college to counsel other addicts, and are deaf/dumb/blind/willfully ignorant of everything else out there. It drives the psych community nuts, because 90 day CDPs are constantly going after bigger game than they can even begin to handle, and seriously f*cking people up & over. The people who are actually qualified to handle much bigger issues? In a situation like with your husband, aren't going to try and bring you in for marriage counseling. They're going to be referring you to someone else with equal/better education & experience, (both trauma informed & addiction certified) who can be an impartial 3rd.
Just because your gut impulse is to run? Doesn't make it wrong.
I would very strongly 2nd marriage counseling, but not marriage counseling by a moron.
I would be exceptionally leery of seeing anyone in a 12Step / Anonymous format when dealing with trauma & PTSD. There's an extremely different paradigm (also the not insubstantial difference of a 3month CDP certification, vs 8-12years of higher ed + thousands of internship hours). It's not "freeing" with PTSD to discuss trauma. You're not as sick as your secrets. Comparatively, addiction is extremely simple.
Just because addiction counselors are used to counseling families in & about addiction doesn't mean they are even scratching the surface of being the barest beginning of being qualified to deal with heavy hitting disorders like PTSD. This would be like seeing an optometrist for open heart surgery.
Are there CDPs whose addiction counseling chops are the most minor of their training? Yep. There are some 8-12 year peeps who also counsel addicts, because addiction is a very small -but frequently found rider- to much larger issues. Most, however? Tend to view addiction as the biggest baddest be all end all of issues. Because that's their own experience. Addiction was THEIR big issue, then they took a quarter in college to counsel other addicts, and are deaf/dumb/blind/willfully ignorant of everything else out there. It drives the psych community nuts, because 90 day CDPs are constantly going after bigger game than they can even begin to handle, and seriously f*cking people up & over. The people who are actually qualified to handle much bigger issues? In a situation like with your husband, aren't going to try and bring you in for marriage counseling. They're going to be referring you to someone else with equal/better education & experience, (both trauma informed & addiction certified) who can be an impartial 3rd.
Just because your gut impulse is to run? Doesn't make it wrong.
I would very strongly 2nd marriage counseling, but not marriage counseling by a moron.
- Post starter
- #12
Gs172003
Diamond Member
I'm not sure why I never saw this but....
The counselor he was.wanting to see is also a PTSD specialist.
My biggest issues with this dude is that #1 he knows my husband through the group and knows what my husband has told him about me. Big red flag
#2 dude is a recovered sex addict. Yeah that won't cause a problem. At. All.
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