Supporter What am i supposed to do - combat vet broke up but everything still the same except living together.

[Buttercup]

Update:

Anyone want to help out? I'm feeling a little misguided, confused again. I fear to be falling b...

Why, what's going on?

 

[Deleted member 44240]

Update:

Anyone want to help out? I'm feeling a little misguided, confused again. I fear to be falling b...

Sounds like the push/pull dynamic to me, I could be wrong. You have to be mindful and not be so vulnerable because things could change very quickly, as they’re doing.

 

[LuckiLee]

I've been wondering about you @krisss. What's going on?

 

[Freida]

Poor punkin....
Yep its PTSD = 3 steps forward 2 steps back.... so count the 1 step

Be careful of pushing too much. Remember - your gentle push can be my grenade

 

[krisss]

UGH.

I was doing SO good and now im just, blah. Basically he is starting to act up again, not as bad as before, well more so not the same way. He has been going out with his friends, one bestfriend in particular, and staying out until 6am.

& I got upset about it saturday night and basically just told him that was not okay with me, I find that so disrespectful, not in a controlling "i dont want you to go out and have fun" kinda way, but more of just dont come home at 6am. Not even all that just maybe give me a heads up you're going to be out late instead of calling me at 5:30 am telling me you're finally on your way home.

So anyways, I mentioned it to him and told him he's never done that etc. and he was like you're right i havent, i dont know why i am staying out so late but i wont do it anymore.
SO, then comes sunday night. (keep in mind, he went out thursday and friday until 6am, then i worked both of those days and late, & saturday, and sunday. So i didnt get to see him really until sunday night about 7pm)

Anyways, sunday night - he tells me he isnt sleeping over or staying because he wanted to go back to his house to spend time with his family/niece and nephew which is 1000000% understandable right? Okay no big deal. (I missed him and started acting silly jokingly telling him i didnt want him to leave but i was just playing around even though internally, i really did miss him. we hadnt spent any time since wednesday)

So as he's leaving, i noticed him getting dressed dressed and so im like, why are you getting dressed like that if you're just going home?

& he say's well im going to stop at my best friends house before going home. I said okay. I was upset, but didnt tell him much about it.

Anyways, he ended up going to his bestfriends and staying the night there and never went to his families house until yesterday at like 5pm.

So to me, i was infuriated. I took it like you left, to go to your friends, and ended up staying there when you could've just stayed with me.
2. did you do that just so you could stay out or do whatever until 6-7am and me not tell you anything?
& 3. Are you even really at his house?


OMG i havent even filled you guys in on what happened last week.

He basically dangled the girlfriend thing over me. He really upset me, and apologized and then while he was trying to basically kiss my a**, he told me I could know and think i was his girlfriend but that he wanted to ask me in person (this was over the phone)

So of course, i got super happy. Well, the next 3-4 days go by, we're in person, and nothing. So on Wednesday i mentioned it and he was just like "can you please wait, can you just wait, can you be patient" & i got upset and was like " what am i waiting on, ive BEEN waiting". & then thursday was the night he went out super late and yeah here we are.

So back to my #3 - I'm a woman. He's never given me a reason not to trust him with another female however, its like, why are you stalling? I feel hurt, because he used the girlfriend thing at the moment i was upset kind of to calm me down. & now that im not upset or mad at him anymore, he has almost forgotten it. So all that is like, why are you stalling, WHO are you stalling for, when you stay out late are you really even with your bestfriend?

He really could be just playing video games or getting drunk with his friend but like damn,. We were doing so good.

& now because he said the girlfriend crap, i feel like i have some sort of expectation and am disappointed. I dont know how to snap back out of it, not let it get to me so badly, or to relax. I know i shouldnt have expectations with him, we've all gone over this. But damn.

NOT TO MENTION - my mother lives out of state, and he has never met her. & in two weeks, we're flying up for the weekend to spend it with my side of the family ( who has never met any of my bf's because of the distance ) so this is extremely important to me. & i'm just feeling like, I don't even know how to explain it. How do i bring him home and can't even call him my man.
:(

Sorry if this all seems confusing, I haven't really talked about it much and my friends don't get it or understand. I'm just feeling hurt.

 

[Justmehere]

I’d feel really hurt too. He’s simply not making you a priority, in. way that doesn’t have to do with PTSD. And saying he wants to ask you in person to be your girlfriend to kiss up to you, but then not doing it, is pretty hurtful.

 

[krisss]

I’d feel really hurt too. He’s simply not making you a priority, in. way that doesn’t have to...

SO HURTFUL. & it's like i've noticed him getting closer to me, in a way like i said with the whole new years thing. But then he does that and im like, ok i dont get it - So how do i just chill and go with the flow? Should i even?
:(

 

[Deleted member 44240]

SO HURTFUL. & it's like i've noticed him getting closer to me, in a way like i said with the whole new y...

I would suggest to give a little more time without any expectations. Maybe a few weeks; if you aren’t satisfied with what’s presented then, you’ll know if this is something you can accept.

 

[krisss]

I would suggest to give a little more time without any expectations. Maybe a few weeks; if you aren’t sa...

Very true, I mean I always had the goal to give it time, because this is someone I see myself with for the rest of my life. But I just dont think i have let go of the whole dangling the girlfriend over me as he did. Kind of like that commerical with the old man and the dollar on the fishing pole, going "ohhhh you gotta be quicker than that".

I've been so upset with him internally ever since, which i think is what has been making me so pissed off and thinking so much about what hes really doing instead of just trusting he is doing exactly what he says he is.

He even made a comment yesterday "why have you been so mad lately, you're always mad now"

DEFINITELY not something I want him thinking, that just makes him get more distant right? But i'm still mad, i'm trying to work on letting it go. I think coming here and writing it and actually GETTING IT OUT, is helping.

 

[Deleted member 44240]

Very true, I mean I always had the goal to give it time, because this is someone I see myself with for t...

Absolutely. Try not to show negative emotions right now because that could cause more problems. Just hang in there; less pressure is always better for them.

Pressure=stress
Vulnerability=fear

Check out this analogy the stress cup.

 

[krisss]

Im so thankful for this website and all of you commenting on my thread and helping me through this. I felt so heavy this morning, and after just talking it out I feel a bit more relaxed.

I'm going to try my best to just let things go and try not to let them get to me. It just sucks when you're a very emotional person, I don't always know how to control it and it gets the best of me.

 

[Deleted member 44240]

Im so thankful for this website and all of you commenting on my thread and helping me through this. I fe...

I completely understand how you feel. I’m also an emotional person who completely loves his sufferer. Unfortunately, my sufferer is not really speaking to me for whatever reason.