Won’t my therapist see me?

[Emotional girl]

I am so sad and disappointed to hear that your T never got back to you as you have a right to explanation and he is in the wrong and not you over this matter.
I completely understand where you are coming from with the trust issues and how difficult it can be to establish any trust at all .
10 years ago I got attached to my psychologist and trusted him but we never discussed endings or closure and it left me feeling exactly the way you do now.
You have managed to trust your old therapist and although it doesn't seem like it now you can learn to trust someone else it might just take a bit of time.Plus it is better to have the support of your new therapist then go through all these thoughts,feelings and emotions alone.I think you need to your new therapist exactly how you are feeling ,you could show them this thread or you can just write down how you are feeling but I think you need to get across just how raw you are feeling.
The thing that keeps me going with regards to my child is the fact that I do not want her to have the same abandonment problems that I have later on in life .The very fact that you have all these emotions towards your child shows what a great mum you are and just how much you care about your child.

 

[Friday]

I did send my T a email and they never got back to me it does hurt so so much, I find it rediculously hard to trust ANYBODY and I just knew it was too good to be true that I trusted him, it always happens to me, i just know it’s my fault why he’s gone, I am just not worthy of anybody been nice to me!! it took me so long to be able to tell him things and now pow he’s gone like I can’t comprehend that, how am I suppose to now trust my new T how am I suppose to just work with him through all this, I can’t trust anybody!! Everything feels so raw right now I feel like I am going mental. Nobody understands and I just wish they did

If your T never got back to you, it sounds like they very much needed time off from the job / and probably limited -if any- case load at present, as they weren’t able to be doing their job well.

To me, that sounds like a good thing... that you’ve been moved to a therapist who can be doing right by you.

Similarly, you seem awfully intent on blaming yourself, which seems rather unlikely. If you disagree? Ask yourself if our situations were reversed... what *I* could have possibly have done to make MY therapist have to stay home from work for 2 months. Can you think of anything I could have done to make my T unable to work for 2 months? Even broken bones heal faster than that! How badly would I have had to assault my therapist in order to keep them off work that long??? Would anything less than in hospital following felony assault even begin to cover that time frame? Serious question. Can you think of anything that one person can do to another to keep them off work for that length of time? If so, did you do any of those things to them? (And why aren’t you in jail?) I can think of a whole helluva lot of things that have nothin to do with their clients that might keep someone off work, but since you’re blaming yourself and you probably can’t cause cancer, car accidents, death of a loved one, etc... let’s stick to just things one person could do to another. If I was absolute that I caused my therapist to be off work for 2 months, what could I possibly have done?

 

[Scott88]

I am so sad and disappointed to hear that your T never got back to you as you have a right to ex...

It’s such an awful feeling I just feel the well I can’t even explain it, I feel like I’ve been kicked in a ditch a very deep ditch with all these feelings emotions thoughts feelings and memories awful awful things spirerllying around me in this ditch and I can’t get out I can’t stop it, my head is so loud and I can’t shut it up, i know I did trust my old therapist but now I feel so let down I don’t know if I can trust again, he was the one that said he would help me and now I feel so alone again and so scared..

You don’t understand how much that means to me where you said about been a good Mum, that’s all I want to be even though I don’t belive it it is still so nice for somebody to say that I do care for them I just want them to have a good happy life. So thank you

@Friday thank you.. I really mean that. Though your message has not stopped me blaming myself it has helped even if it is an oz of help, it has. It’s just very very hard to accept expecially when they are seeing other paitents. That T works in the same practice as my ‘new’ T and I am petrified to bump into my old T as I just don’t know how I will react.. I’m suppose to be seeing this new T next week I know I need to go and see him as I need to do this for my child but at this moment in time I just know I can’t. Thank you for your replies they have helped.. and I’m sorry to burden you all, I just didn’t know what else to do I needed to get it out

 

[UnicornSightings]

I’m so very sorry for how much you’re hurting. Why can’t you trust anyone else? What exactly did the therapist do that was so terrible to make you lose trust in the whole human race? You have all these swirls of thoughts based on past trauma. You have to see that’s not actually reality.

Here’s how I see it. You were so brave and disclosed things that were very difficult for you to talk about. Congratulations!!! That is sooooo amazing! It’s so hard to open up about vulnerable things so that’s something to be so proud of!!!

The next part isn’t related. Your t got sick and is back but can’t or won’t take you back on for whatever reason. It has nothing to with you. Really hear that. It has nothing to do with you! Therapists hear stuff all the time, nothing you could possibly say could make a decent therapist think you’re terrible and not worthy of help. And indeed, your old t found you a new t to work with. He didn’t (or she?) abandon you. I feel like you’re seeing it like that, which is understandable but not true. You’re an adult, you can’t be abandoned anymore, that’s just past beliefs hurting you again. Maybe your t, upon hearing more about your trauma and then getting sick, came back and didn’t think he could give you the necessary attention you need. Or didn’t have enough skill in your area. A good t will realize their limitations. It sounds like your old t is just doing what’s best for him while also making sure you have your own support. It sucks he isn’t getting back to you for any sort of closure but that happens sometimes. Maybe you can talk to your new t about what you would want to hear as an explanation from your old t. Like maybe role playing the parts or something so you can move past this issue and get back on track. People (in general) are worth trusting. Even if they betray you. They’re worth trusting again and again because the alternative is too painful to imagine. We need people. And the more you trust, the more people you will find worthy of that trust. We do it for us, not for them.

 

[Scott88]

@UnicornSightings everytime I have trusted ANYBODY or thought I had trusted people, people that were nice to me, or people that said nice things about/to me, I never have belived it’s true and I’ve always proved myself right, there has not been many people in my life I have ever trusted because everyone leaves me, everyone hurts me, I always f*ck everything up, the therapist left me he listened to me, he was ‘nice’ to me he said he would help me and now he’s gone now he’s not there the real first person that actually listened to me that I thought actually cared for me, the first person I have EVER EVER EVER started to open up about my horrendous past to, I trusted him to tell him, that’s what he’s done to me

it doesn’t feel like past beliefs it feels like now, it feels like now I’ve been abandoned, now I’ve been hurt, now I’ve been scared now I’m alone, these things in my head these images , memories , thoughts are going crazy and screaming at me and taking over, and he said he would help me I just don’t know what to do

 

[savon davais]

ive been seeing my T for a while but they have been off on sick for the last 2 months which has been ex...

Just remember shrinks are human and not all of them have been exposed to life as a lot of people know it. As for myself I am a combat veteran and most shrinks including Va shrinks don't want to know about the life and death of a person, including the details. Well you can't really tell the story without the details. Right or wrong? Well the answer is right. So what does that mean? You yeah you , you have to learn to deal with what has or hasn't happened in your life. Yeah a shrink is helpful but let's face it none of them signed up for this shit. No shrink I have talked to could deal with hearing me tell them how horrible it feels to take a life,but on the other hand me doing that saved lives so it makes me feel better. What the f*ck! Yeah to be for real , your waisting your time . Learn to live with what has happened in your life good,bad , you may have had to do things you don't like. Live without that, as long as you don't harm an innocent person God is on your side. Shrinks are human .they don't count , what counts is this the spirit of God is in you. You are human and to be human is to ere. God is love and love is with you.

 

[Abstract]

I am so sorry this happened to you. I can understand why you feel the way you do. You have done a great job in therapy and should be really proud of yourself. You did the right thing. Maybe just be patient with yourself and sit with the feelings, go and meet the new therapist and take it one moment at a time. Totally understand bringing up trauma and then sitting with it on your own. It isn't a great place to be but I hope the new t will be the perfect help for you. Remember you aren't in fact alone as all of us on here are with you and hear you. Are you tying to ground yourself? Sometimes when we feel betrayed its helpful to write out what it brings up about our beliefs and previous experiences of relationships.

 

[Emotional girl]

How are you today at @Scott88 .When do you see your new therapist next ? Even though you feel you can't trust anyone anymore I think you should try and tell your new therapist how you are feeling at the moment,I know how hard it is going to be for you but I know you can do it as you are stronger than you think you are.
Thinking of you and here if you need to talk.

 

[Scott88]

@Abstract I appriciate you’re reply, so much. Yeah I’ve heen writing things down, and I’ve been trying to do some other mindfulness techniques but finding them to difficult to do at the moment.

@Emotional girl you asking me how I am has just made me burst into tears and feel a smile inside thank you, thank you for asking, that is too nice. Im ok, well not ok but in the last few days I’ve not come close again to just f*cking all of this, and I’ve had lots of cuddles from my child which helps. I just I’m seeing the t tomorrow.. feeling very very scared to be honest, been playing it over in my head all weekend. I do need help and I know I do for my child, I just know I’m going to freeze when I get in there which I always do with people I don’t know really, or one on ones. I appriciate your kindness more then you will realise.

 

[Emotional girl]

You are more than welcome @Scott88 .It is natural to feel scared,could you write some things down tonight and show them to your new T.
I am glad to see that you are feeling a bit more stable now and you have had lots of hugs with your child.
Good luck tomorrow,I will be thinking of you and let us all know how you get on.

 

[Scott88]

You are more than welcome @Scott88 .It is natural to feel scared,could you wr...

Only just seen this but Thank you for the luck for my appt today... I didn’t sleep a wink last night BUT I did go to my appt and I have told him I do need his help and I’m going to accept that help that he has been offering me. He said we’re going to work on stabilisation things before going anywhere near my past.. the thing that bothers me about that is my past is ‘right here’ front and centre of my head at the minute due to realeasing it a million times more with my old T... When he mentioned ‘past’ it triggered me and set me off in his office... I was so ashamed and embarrassed and scared that he saw me like that and I don’t even really know him. Also his office i feel so so so small in there, it’s a big room and empty..

 

[Emotional girl]

Well done for going to your appointment,you should be proud of yourself.
You shouldn't be embarrassed as you have been through alot over the last week and the fact you could let go is good sign.
It might take a while to build up trust with your new therapist but it sounds like they are willing to give you time and support.