Courtship and dating in different cultures

[Tornadic Thoughts]

I met all of my former partners in real life situations, most of whom ended up being highly manipulative, abusive, and incredibly unhealthy/unsafe relationships in so many ways. So I guess I got scammed in person before I even knew it was a thing. lol

I had finally decided to give up on trying to ever date again at the age of 35ish when I received a friendly casual message on the old school yahoo messenger thingy in the local music arena from a local guy who sounded really down to earth and cool...but I wasn't in a very trusting space at that time, so it took a while to warm up to the thought of getting to know him better.

We talked online for a while, then spoke over the phone for a while, then finally decided to meet in person. We decided to meet at a local pub to hear one of our favorite bands and everything just seemed to comfortably click from that moment on.

He had been married for 15 years and was a recently divorced f/t dad of two....so I often tried to talk him out of dating me, telling him I felt he may need to sow some wild oats before settling in to date only one person...and his response was why can't he sow them all in the same field. Hmmm...good answer. lol

We've now been together a total of 15 years, married for 10 of those. I wanted to date a while before committing to anything more serious, and I waited a year or so before meeting his kids, to be sure I didn't form bonds that may hurt the kids if things didn't work out.

In today's world of technology, it seems the online method of crossing paths with others is definitely becoming more of "the norm" and only looks to keep picking up speed as the technology grows. You'll soon be able to (if you can't already) special order exactly what you want and have a human-like thing assembled for you on the spot, that is if you're tired of trying to find a human version of your "perfect" mate and have tons of money to spare.

 

[420kitty]

Lol.

Well, 'back in the day' - Americans met people like you do now. Through mutual friends, family, at weddings, bars, etc. Now most people seem socially awkward, afraid of rejection but mostly; technology seems to be what Americans care more about. Also, we work a lot. It's not the great country most people think it is. We work to barely make ends meet, so in reality; there is not time to meet like we once did. Work, sleep, eat and errands on our days off.

And I'm old and have no clue what mgtow is. (Ok I'm in my early forties but still)

I'm 29 and had no idea what that meant either, lol. Maybe it is a regional acronym.

 

[Gs172003]

I'm 29 and had no idea what that meant either, lol. Maybe it is a regional acronym.

Could be lol

My sister and her husband met in college. That was 21 years ago.

 

[Deleted member 44240]

Soooo.... I start this thread because it would be off topic in another thread but still I ask myse...

I happened have known my ex for years before we started to date and I find that he has struggles with me due to his trust issues. His ptsd is from csa and I think that plays a very big role in who he is today. I haven’t met a man online in years because I usually don’t trust them. However, it seems that you have to take your time with anyone you today because just about anyone could have some hidden secrets.

 

[Deleted member 41765]

I'm currently seeing an environmental engineer I met online. Due to our limited social circles, and specialized work fields, meeting someone new would've otherwise been prodigiously challenging. It is also of note that he comes from a culture similar to that which the PO has described, and intentionally chose an online forum.

 

[Deleted member 487]

I turned to MGTOW because of my experiences with women. More often than not a girl/woman on a date with me will ask "the cursed question" (about money) by the second date. Too often women I have no relationship with HAVE asked the same question, for no reason. Casein point, some chic with the US Postal Service asked me that, and she even tried exerting her psuedo-authority ("It is my business, I'm with the USPS"). She got me kicked out, illegally, from my apartment. I have been living in either my truck or a small 12' travel trailer since. That's one example of women being problematic.

Another one I even talked about here. This girl claimed I was stalking her. She got a stalking injunction issued against me, claiming that I put my head on her shoulder for a minute straight without her permission. WTF? I'm 5'2" with neck & back impairments. She's 5'10" and in decent shape. She even said, in court, I did so unassisted, both of us standing. WTF? Physics, dude. The one set of laws we cannot break. Even my doctor was saying it's physically impossible for that to happen. And judge did not care. That is one step from alleging sexual assault. WTF?

Yeah, THAT is one of the primary causes of my PTSD. Always being accused of shit I didn't do, but punished anyhow because I have impairments people do not understand.

 

[Deleted member 41765]

And I'm old and have no clue what mgtow is. (Ok I'm in my early forties but still)

www.mgtow.com/forums/topic/i-just-realised-the-meaning-of-women/
I found this on their website which seems to sum up the spirit of the thing succinctly:
"Women are the parasites of humanity. They take and give nothing in return, and expect to be praised for it. The absurdity of it never manifests in their mind, because they are incapable of reasoning with it. They simply will blame someone else, a man of course, if they could anyways."

 

[EveHarrington]

Wow.

 

[Gs172003]

www.mgtow.com/forums/to...

Wow. That's extreme.

 

[Deleted member 44394]

I relate to what's said. Even at cafes, I try to avoid the online things because of reasons stated, and it's just lame in my book - it is hard to meet or talk with girls. Everyone seems so independent and even then you have no social context, there are no families or groups of friends usually just you two. There is no context...and this is my greatest problem I have in general and which I can relate the OP. All we have left is individualistic... these other things have faded out of American life.

People don't know who they're meeting but take a chance, shallowly not knowing that person and having no context. Since people work a lot they have no friends or little, I know this because this is my case.
No wonder relationships don't last or break apart they are built whimsically.

Many women and men are out for the dating, it's become like a game to them. I don't like this either, but what can you do?

Many of these women do serially go from man to man, to man. That is true, that guy had a point. They are just looking for a man. We need our social context back.

MGTOW is the dumbest thing, ever.

 

[Deleted member 41765]

Many of these women do serially go from man to man, to man.

I think this is an overgeneralization. It is certainly not true for me. I went online for the reasons I stated above, and with the objective of making a sincere connection from which to build a solid relationship, which is what is happening, and does happen for others.

 

[Never_falter2]

@Erics: Have you thought of joining a charity, a sports team or a church where you can be part of a group?