Research Informal poll: domestic violence survivors with strained father/daughter relationship from childhood

[Kimberly D.]

Hello, my name is Kimberly and I'm a survivor of domestic violence and stalking (and PTSD).
I am looking to find out if there is a correlation between women who have been abused by a boyfriend or husband, and a strained relationship with their father as a child growing up.

A relationship with their father in which he was emotionally and/or physically unavailable, absent from their life, no relationship at all, or who have witnessed their mom being abused by their father. For this poll/survey, you can be either a survivor or currently in or trying to get out of an abusive relationship.

With your help in completing this informal poll/survey, it will allow me to understand whether or not a daughter's relationship with her father has led to a future relationship with an abusive man (verbally and/or physically) is prevalent.

Thank you so much for taking the survey. I appreciate your time and please contact me if you have any questions or just want to chat.

Please click on the link below.
https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/F3BXHTG

Sincerely,
Kimberly

 

[joeylittle]

@Kimberly D. - your link is posted.

 

[Kimberly D.]

Thank you!!!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

For research just for yourself or for a class in school or what? What's it being used for?

 

[Kimberly D.]

This is for myself. I want to find out if my theory, which is based on myself and many people I've known who have had abusive relationships with men and relationships with their father that was lacking in some way, is more prevalent out there in the world. And although I've written a book, the results of the survey will in no way be used...except for my own edification.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Why not just a poll in the poll area of the forum? I'm just curious is all. Nothing wrong with a polling site. Was just thinking a poll thread allows some discussion too and that might help.

 

[littleoc]

I don't want to follow the link right now, so I'll say something briefly here because I think it might be interesting to others.

My father is insane (glad I don't need to defend that on this site), and currently I'm not speaking to him. My first relationship doesn't count (kidnapping my father instigated for attention) but my ACTUAL first relationship was with a woman. My next relationship will more than likely be with a woman (I'm gay, most likely, but haven't cared enough to lock down on a label).

I'm saying that I think a strained relationship with my father did influence me enough to date an absolutely awful woman. My next relationship is guaranteed to be better, though!

I do have a good mother, who is kind and empathetic, but she does not know how to choose her men. I don't choose men, and it still affects me anyway. Or, it used to. I have some pretty unbebdable boundaries these days. :)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I don't want to follow the link right now,

Me either. Another reason I advised the polls here. Already struggling to feel safe here.

Ok, so yes, my absolute absent and abusive physcially and emotionally father absolutely played a role in my abusive relationship with my abusive ex and my continual seeking out abusive relationships and contact with men until my therapist helped me step out of the seeking out abusive f*ck buddies game. To be nice about what it was.

 

[Friday]

This is for myself. I want to find out if my theory, which is based on myself and many people I've known who have had abusive relationships with men and relationships with their father that was lacking in some way, is more prevalent out there in the world

There’s an incredibly strong correlation, and a huge amount of literature, on the subject(s). Plural because both daddy-issues (when something is so common it has a nickname? you know it’s a thing), AND growing up in abuse/neglect are very strong predictors of later DV.

Correlation isn’t causation, however.

- Whilst the odds are stacked against them, millions of kids growing up in domestic violence, abuse/neglect, &/or with bad (or non-existent) relationships with their fathers grow up to have wonderful relationships & marriages.

- Ditto, kids who grow up in wonderful homes -with amazing fathers- still end up in abusive relationships & marriages.

I’m part of that second set. My dad? So totally rocks! :D One of the best, kindest, bravest, most amazing men on the planet. He loved/loves us insensibly, & is/was always there for us. We had a stellar relationship with him as kids & we’re all still close with him as adults. My brother & I both have had abusive relationships. My brother only once and for a few years, while I’ve had a couple and married one of the pricks for over a decade. My brother by way of gettin mixed up with a girl in a cult, myself by way of (to quote a trauma therapist of mine) “With that trauma history, who did you THINK you would marry???” :O_o: Yeah, yeah, well...

Shrug. It’s a bell curve.

 

[joeylittle]

Why not just a poll in the poll area of the forum? I'm just curious is all. Nothing wrong with a polling site. Was just thinking a poll thread allows some discussion too and that might help.

Discussion can happen on this thread as well (as it already is).

The OP's questions are specific enough to where a survey makes sense, rather than a forum poll.

 

[Kimberly D.]

I don't want to follow the link right now, so I'll say something briefly here because I think it might...

Thank you for your candor. Your feedback and history is really helpful. Thanks for taking the time to tell me about your situation.

Discussion can happen on this thread as well (as it already is).

The OP's questions are specific...

;):)

 

[Kimberly D.]

There’s an incredibly strong correlation, and a huge amount of literature, on the subject(s). Plural b...[/Q

I don't want to follow the link right now, so I'll say something briefly here because I think it might...

Why not just a poll in the poll area of the forum? I'm just curious is all. Nothing wrong w...

I actually didn't know about a "poll area." Thanks for bringing it up. Looks like there is some discussion here, but maybe there would be more in the poll area?

There’s an incredibly strong correlation, and a huge amount of literature, on the subject(s). Plural b...

Thank you for your insightful post. While I agree that it goes both ways as far as women who get into abusive relationships coming from both seemingly "normal" families with good relationships with their father and those that are the opposite...the bottom line in all situations of women attracting abusive men, is that we did not have Self-Worth.

So, somewhere at some point in one's childhood or teenage years, that self-worth we are all born with is somehow tainted...and some time in the future as teenagers/adults we attract an abusive person.