Husbands and suicide threats

[Gs172003]

Have I ever told you all that my current husband has threatened suicide more than once and on one occasion called me and told me he was set up and about to do it but if I called the police he'd be dead before they got in? And that the only reason he didn't do it he says is because I had went for a hike and refused to tell him where I was and he knew nobody else knew where I was either? I kept him on the phone until I got home.


Did I ever tell you all that the man I was married to before him I wasn't going to marry until he told me he would kill himself if I didn't? I should have let him.

 

[Freida]

This may be harsh but I HATE people who use suicide as emotional blackmail. Partly because I dealt with that at 911 for years -- hysterical loved ones trying to keep someone safe and the other person using suicidal threats as a means of control. Were they actually suicidal? Sometimes yes, but more often no.

"I'm struggling with my life and don't feel like living" is a huge difference from "do what I want or I'll kill myself"

One you help through counseling and support. The other you accept as a form of blackmail and control

 

[Gs172003]

This may be harsh but I HATE people who use suicide as emotional blackmail. Partly because I dealt with...

Yeah I know. And it's not harsh. How do you know which is which at the time and when it's repeated good God..

Thankfully I haven't had to deal with it in a while. Im not sure why it's coming up for me now maybe it's a trust thing.

 

[Deleted member 40995]

This may be harsh but I HATE people who use suicide as emotional blackmail. Partly because I dealt with...

Yes I hate that too. Have had people use that against me or to scare me; threaten suicide to frighten me when they don’t get what they want. It’s cruel.

 

[Freida]

maybe it's a trust thing.

Trust? He shows you trust him because he doesn't pull the trigger? Or am I reading that wrong?

How do you know if it is real? If it starts with ... "I will kill myself if you don't (insert thing here)" could very well be real. But. He is making the outcome your responsibility. And that is bullsheet because you can't win. If he pulls the trigger you will blame yourself. If he doesn't he has reinforced he can control you by these threats.

This is a good conversation for your T - what steps should you take when those words come out of his mouth. Why with your T? Because you need to figure out what the best response is for YOU ...not him.

 

[Gs172003]

Trust? He shows you trust him because he doesn't pull the trigger? Or am I reading that wrong?

How d...

No I mean for me. I'm not sure what brought this up today .

I said something to him about it today. I told him how I felt about him doing that to me and I told him I would never do it again. He ever pulls that kind of thing again I will call the police and whatever happens happens. (Easy to say now. But as of right now that's how I feel about it)

 

[DharmaGirl]

I had a friend tell me if I didn't give her pain pills, she would kill herself from the pain. I told her I would drive her to the hospital, and she said she had to go to her boyfriend of 2 weeks, mother's funeral. I said that she must not be in that much pain if she could go to a funeral, and she said in a huffy voice that she had to support her boyfriend. I then asked her how killing herself would support her boyfriend but she didn't get it. I didn't give her any pills and she is still alive today, and still addicted to pain pills.

 

[Gs172003]

In other news... My oldest daughter took a bottle of Advil and freaked herself out. She ran across the street to my brother who's a nurse and told him. Of course she ended up in the hospital. A year or so later she put an entire mouthful of Tylenol in her mouth right in front of me. I smacked the back of her head before she has the chance to swallow and called 911. Good times.

 

[Freida]

I smacked the back of her head before she has the chance to swallow and called 91

perfect way to handle it!

 

[Sideways]

I think that there’s some people who are just manipulative eejits.

But most of the time, I think if someone says they’re on the cusp of suicide, there is almost certainly a whole lot of very real distress going on. Even if “I’m about to suicide” is hotly followed by “unless you...”, there’s a good chance that even though it is manipulative, it is also a reflection of genuine distress. There is always the possibility that even though they are being manipulative? They may also be quite serious.

Having spent a long time being suicidal myself? I think probably one of the single most helpful responses to any suicide threat is to simply call the police. Tell them that you need to call the police, hang up, and call the police.

That makes them accountable for what they’ve just said. It also shows them that you’re taking their distress, and their threat to suicide, seriously. Importantly for you, it also makes it very clear that the suicide card isn’t going to work as a negotiation tool - if they threaten suicide, the result is that they will be treated like a suicidal person, and they will actually lose their line of communication with you (rather than forcing you to continue to engage) until they’re stabilised and safe.

It’s an awful thing to be on the receiving end of a suicde threat. It takes a toll on you every time someone tells you that. So take extra good care of you.

 

[Gs172003]

perfect way to handle it!

Thanks

I think that there’s some people who are just manipulative eejits. But most of the time, I think if...

Thanks

 

[LuckiLee]

If I'm not mistaken people who commit suicide don't tell anyone about it. They don't want anyone to stop them and it's obviously a very private thing.

Sorry you've had to deal with all of that mess!