Supporter What am i supposed to do - combat vet broke up but everything still the same except living together.

[krisss]

Well, yesterday morning i woke up to two more missed calls at 6:30am and a text saying “just calling to see if you’re doing okay”

????
yes guys i know i should block him but there are actually things that don’t allow me to at this moment in time.

i didn’t answer his calls nor did i respond to his texts. i’m just so frustrated as to why he keeps doing this shit.

if he didn’t know he hurt me, he wouldn’t be wondering if i was okay. he wanted me to reply to ease his guilt and i will not make it that easy for him.

the thing that gets me, is that yesterday again when i ignored him, i felt so empowered and proud of myself etc. and then later on during the day i felt so bad. so shitty, so sad and heart wrenched again.

why does he do this to me :(

 

[krisss]

i feel like i sound like a broken record player, i’m sorry i keep bothering

 

[Gs172003]

Well, yesterday morning i woke up to two more missed calls at 6:30am and a text saying “just calling t...

I think it's his hypervigilence talking. Just because he can't be in a relationship right now Doesn't mean he doesn't care about what happens to you.

 

[krisss]

I think it's his hypervigilence talking. Just because he can't be in a relationship right now Doesn't me...

Hypervigilence? What exactly is that & what would that cause?

 

[Gs172003]

Hypervigilence? What exactly is that & what would that cause?

Honey there's thread after thread about it but basically he is waaay over protective because of what he's been through. Everything is a threat. Etc etc etc. If he lost Anybody close to him it may make him very protective of well... People close to him.

 

[krisss]

Honey there's thread after thread about it but basically he is waaay over protective because of what he'...

I just looked through some. But my thing is if he is "protective" of people close to him, why the hell has he done what he has. & pushed me to where he has. I know I can't fully understand because I don't suffer from what he does, but it is just so confusing.
Especially because he said he wanted to be alone, and now it seems like he really does not want that.

WHY ON EARTH DO I FEEL BAD FOR IGNORING HIM.

I know that if he wanted to fix things/have a real conversation with me he would. But his calls and texts only come after a long night of drinking.

 

[Friday]

if i’m not worth the sober i miss you, or the sober calls? then you can keep that shit.

1 of the best pieces of advice I got too late

It’s the person you miss at 2pm when you’re busy, not the person you miss at 2am when you’re lonely.

 

[Justmehere]

WHY ON EARTH DO I FEEL BAD FOR IGNORING HIM.

Because setting and keeping boundaries with people who are drunk is hard.

I know that if he wanted to fix things/have a real conversation with me he would. But his calls and texts only come after a long night of drinking.

Yeah, this is drunk texting.

In the mix of it all, be proud. *You* are making great strides in the right direction.

 

[Snowflakes]

But his calls and texts only come after a long night of drinking.

If this isn’t one of your boundaries, it should be. It is very difficult to have a conversation with someone after a night of drinking. Throw in PTSD and it’s damn near impossible. As a supporter married to an alcoholic now in recovery....I know.

I, like you, felt bad ignoring her but it was necessary. To do otherwise was enabling the behavior.

Take care of you.

Edit: I hit post a moment after @Justmehere . She says it better than I did.

 

[krisss]

I'm so hurt all over again.

Its like when i see the calls or texts, i feel so empowered like YES I DID IT, i didnt answer or respond!

But then later on, it hits me. Like right now, all i want to do it talk to him even when I know I shouldn't. I know it would make things harder for me and that much more painful.

@Snowflakes how long did you ignore her for?

It’s the person you miss at 2pm when you’re busy, not the person you miss at 2am when you’re lonely.

SO TRUE. I miss him constantly,. but i don' always know how to differentiate between him missing me all the time and just having the courage to tell me after a few drinks or doing it solely because he is lonely.

Which again, i dont get. He wanted to be alone, so?

 

[Gs172003]

I'm so hurt all over again.

Its like when i see the calls or texts, i feel so empowered like YES I DID...

I haven't read through all this but it's common for those with PTSD, especially combat PTSD to bail. But that doesn't matter. The way he is treating you isn't ok no matter what the reason is. Unless you are ok with him leaving, coming back, leaving, coming back over and over...let him go.

 

[Justmehere]

My drunk neighbor was screaming after the super bowl, “I’m an eagle, I want to fly! Fly!”

People under the influence say sh*t. Try to not overly psychoanalyze that sh*t.

He didn’t break up to go be alone, he broke up because he didn’t want to stop drinking and partying all night to spend time with you instead. He wanted to fuel his drinking problem instead of geting help. What he was doing was “working” for him, enough to evade working on his recovery.

I’m not sure the reasons you still stay in contact, that’s up to you - but I caution you, this will likely get worse. He’s trying to escape pain and he’ll try to hook you back in to enabling him again...

Stay strong. Plan for this to happen again and again. Keep ignoring it again and again.

You deserve better than trying to figure out what a few random lonely drunk texts mean. He is being a jerk to you. He doesn’t even try to make *you* a priority when he’s not drinking, but at 5:30 he wakes you up with drunk texts asking if you are ok after breaking up with you? Again and again... Ugh. Jerk.

You deserve a guy that will cherish you and make you a clear priority.