To ask or not to ask... for a phone call

[Justmehere]

I tried to be productive. Did laundry. Killed my favorite hat.

Stupidly falling apart over it. (Anyone know how to restore a shrunk woolen hat? F*ck. They don’t even sell it anymore. It’s just a stupid hat but damn it. I just can’t take it anymore.)

Another 15 minutes. Just gotta make it another 15 minutes.

 

[scout86]

I’m not sure why I want to talk to her so badly.

What about that? Think about it a little. (I have no idea what the answer is.)

You have some attachment stuff, right? Is there a part of you that might be like a very small child when mom leaves the room? Don't normal kids have to learn to tolerate being alone? Is this something similar to that?

I'm not going to give any advice because this is an area I have trouble with and I pretty much always err on the side of "not bothering people". My only suggestion is to do some thinking, maybe writing, about what the reason might be for wanting to talk to her so desperately.

One other thought, My T says one of his goals is to set it up so his voice is in my head forever.(I have mixed feelings about that. LOL) But, if you asked what ever you want to ask, what would she say? If you had the conversation you want to have, what would both sides of it be?

 

[Freida]

If you can't reach her directly can someone else help? Crisis line perhaps?

 

[scout86]

http://www.countryliving.com/home-maintenance/cleaning/a36242/shrunken-sweater-trick/

 

[UnicornSightings]

I tried to be productive. Did laundry. Killed my favorite hat.

Stupidly falling apart over it. (Any...

Why don’t you contact Crisis Text Line? It would be a good place to get your thoughts out and they provide resources to help cope if you need. I used to volunteer with them. Should get back into that. Hmm. But they’re very good and this sounds like an option that would work well for you. The number is 741741. Just text. Hell, if nothing else it will kill quite a few of those 15 min chunks you’re working on.

 

[Justmehere]

I looked up the meds the full-in doc put me on this week for being pretty sick. 6 of the 7 come with a risk of mental health “disturbance” and suicidal thinking. Wtf.

I threw them all out. Kept one that I know I can handle.

Thanks for the link on the hat repair - actually kinda made me cry.

But, if you asked what ever you want to ask, what would she say? If you had the conversation you want to have, what would both sides of it be?

I think this is so hard for me because in a really raw way, I just want someone there for me without wanting anything back. (Paying a therapist for their time not counted.)

I just want someone, no, not someone... I want her to hear me. To say I’m so sorry you feel so bad. I’m listening.

That’s it. How silly stupid is that? I just want someone here for me. Someone that knows me. Really knows me.

 

[scout86]

How silly stupid is that?

I don't think it's silly or stupid at ALL. My T keeps telling me people are SUPPOSED to want that kind of thing. (I'm sorry you're feeling so bad, BTW. And I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one. And DON'T say it doesn't count because you mentioned it. Does too!)

 

[Justmehere]

Thanks @scout86, a ton.

The hat is unshrinking and in the middle of very vulnerable feelings of needing people, somehow this darn hat unshrinking is helping me breathe... it’s just a hat... but still...

My mind is weird. I’m not used to wanting someone to be there this much, just for being there. It’s very new. It was coming up before getting sick. My therapist said it was good progress. It’s so painful. Confusing. Raw.

I made it another 15 minutes, another hour...

 

[scout86]

I’m not used to wanting someone to be there this much

Scary, isn't it? :nailbiting:

 

[Justmehere]

Very! :eek:

...I see now why I have been avoiding this. :bag:

 

[scout86]

What ever you do tonight and tomorrow, this is probably worth talking about, huh?

But, I totally get a lot of what you're talking about. (And I'll deny saying that if you call me on it!)

 

[Justmehere]

Yeah... :oops: for now, imma gonna deny it too... unless she calls. Then I’ll probably spill the beans. :rolleyes:;)