To ask or not to ask... for a phone call

[scout86]

I don't do hugs, but here's a theoretical one. :hug: :)

 

[Freida]

. 6 of the 7 come with a risk of mental health “disturbance” and suicidal thinking. Wtf.

Yea....bout that!!! Wow .New stuff in therapy and new meds...no wonder you are struggling. Poor thing:(:hug:

 

[Muttly]

You are struggling and want the support of someone who cares about you. Nothing wrong with that

 

[NightSky]

This stuff is the hardest part of therapy for me. My T encourages out of session contact, maybe because I am terrible at talking in session but via email I’m much more open. If I go a few weeks without emailing she asks why. She wants me to contact her. But I go around in those crazy circles- why do I want to? Why do I feel like I need to know she’s there all the time? What could she say to make me pull out of this bad spot? I count the days til I see her and then hours before, I’m nervous and want to run. None of it makes any sense to me. A very brief interaction with her can sometimes stabilize me and I wonder how the heck one person can do that and why I need it and why can’t I do that on my own? It’s all attachment. It’s all confusing and hard and messy and healing and a major part of the work. I hope you do get a phone call. And I hope you talk about this with her.

 

[ButterflyBean]

@Justmehere, I just had a similar situation. I absolutely hate reaching out by text or email between sessions. However, I am dealing with an intense medical situation at the moment. I told my therapist in a very recent session that I would update her on a perticular night after an appointment, but I had a lot to process, so this was my text:

“Hi, I’m going to keep the update simple for tonight. Can we talk at some point tomorrow?” to which she responded, “Yes, we can talk tomorrow. I’ll text you when I’m able and available to talk. Good night for now.”

She set a boundary that worked for both of us and let me know she was there, even though I texted late at night. I got to practice asking for what I needed; a win-win that reinforced the fact that our relationship is still important after many years. I (you) deserve support...my therapist hasn’t left me, and she’s not leaving now. Cue childhood mess...

She also knows that my current medical situation will be long-term, and there are bound to be several “mini crises” over the next few months. As such, a few days later, in the next session, we discussed the fact that I would likely need her more in between sessions, which are already weekly. We talked about what that looks like, and the fact that I hate needing her because I’m extra overwhelmed. Mind you, there are a million nonverbal cues when I need something in session that is totally appropreiate - she expects that I will get quiet, be “little”, and have trouble asking for simple things like hugs. She continually says it’s always okay to ask...she’s never said no because again, I deserve to be/feel safe and supported.

And so do you! I’m proud of you for asking her to call you! Give yourself credit for doing something completely healthy even though you’re struggling so badly. Good for you! Remember that your therapist is a person who cares about your well-being, and you, my friend, are so worthy of care and support!

Thinking of you...it’s okay to ask for help! Gentle hugs if you need and/or accept them!

 

[Deleted member 541]

I think that you should be sooo proud of yourself... you’ve made it how many 15 minutes?!?!? You’ve found strength that you didn’t know that you had. You have resilience that you didn’t know that you had, and you’ve made it.... All things to be proud of.

Learning to stand on our own two feet, as hard as that is, is finding out that we can stand on our own two feet. I know this was tough, but you made it and you should be proud of yourself.

 

[ButterflyBean]

I just read all the other replies after I posted mine, and I have to highlight something you said:

I just want someone, no, not someone... I want her to hear me. To say I’m so sorry you feel so bad. I’m listening.

That’s it. How silly stupid is that? I just want someone here for me. Someone that knows me. Really knows me.

This @Justmehere, is not stupid, it’s human! And while I do not know you, I want you to know that I hear you! You’re vulnerable right now; you’re just getting over being sick. It’s totally okay and understandable that you feel the way you do! Is there a part of you that needs to feel and be loved?

I realize it’s not the same, or exactly what you need at the moment, but even so, I hope you can be gentle with yourself...I’m listening...

 

[Justmehere]

Is there a part of you that needs to feel and be loved?

Yeah

 

[Justmehere]

It’s monday morning. I made it to Monday morning.

No response. A no would have been better than no response.

I have an appointment Tuesday night. Just got to hang on until then.

I wish she’d just respond and say yes or no.

 

[scout86]

I wish she’d just respond and say yes or no.

There's probably a good reason she hasn't and it probably has nothing to do with you.

One other thought, these people can be amazing but they can't actually read minds. (Something I keep forgetting.) So, in spite of how intensely YOU feel what you're feeling, she pretty much only knows what you actually told her.

Glad you made it to morning!

 

[Justmehere]

Do I ask again now that it’s business hours on Monday?

 

[Justmehere]

She texted to say sorry she didn’t get the text until too late last night. That’s all she said.

Ok, that’s cool. I understand

But is this a yes or a no? I asked if she could call me and there is no yes or no.

Can you call me today?! She didn’t even ask if I still needed a call or what. I asked can you call me, just say yes or no! Please