Scaring/intimidating people?

[Supervixn]

Do you ever feel like you unintentionally scare and or intimidate people? Any thoughts on this?

 

[digger]

Is this a problem you're having at work?

 

[Supervixn]

Yes

 

[digger]

Do you want to expand on your own experience with this a bit more so that people might be able to help and support you better with it?

 

[Deleted member 43454]

Yea all the time.
I just kinda get a kick outa peoples faces of shock or horror. Not that I'm seeking it by any means but if you can't prevent it might as well find comfort in your own skin and own it. Just makes me stronger. Puts a smile on my face these days like, ah wow really? :)

 

[New]

@Supervixn my old boss told me that I did scare people once they found out I had PTSD. I remember feeling so ashamed and so bad and I still worry about it.

I wish I would have said that thinking about what happened to me and having to relive it in my mind is very scary but I didn’t cause it.

My husband said to try and look at it differently and see that they were scared for me and intimidated by the drastic change in me.

Does that make sense or help?

 

[Deleted member 541]

I have a very hard shell and stance about me which puts people off when I first meet them. But it also depends on my mood and what’s going on. Today, I had to go to the cable company.. SHIT!!! That should have put me in a place that should have emptied the place out, but I was in a really good mood, no stress and I had conversations with many people, we laughed and talked.

So, it depends on my mood, body movements, and how I act toward others.

 

[Friday]

Yep. For sure.

Usually I can blend into almooooost any environment. Before PTSD that’s just how I was, byproduct of moving every 30 seconds, and half that time jumping continents. People are just people, but culture & manners change around a lot. So I was still 100% “me” (and up to trouble and mischief half the time) I was just also mindful of my shoes flying off my feet as we ran into one house, or covering my hair running out of another house, or whatever the local “what’s normal” entailed. Sumimasen! Permisso! Hey asshole I’m walking here! Shrug. Normal? I wash my hands of it. Normal is wherever you’re standing.

After my life went sideways, I couldn’t do that, anymore. At least, it wasn’t instinctive, anymore. I had to very painstakingly teach myself how to be giving off the right signals for the environment I was in. The more symptomatic I am? The less able I am to do that. I start sticking out like a sore thumb, and one that’s sizing you up to drop you. :facepalm: That’s not useful in most situations. Ditto, even if I’m not interacting with people, just walking in a crowd, if I’m not able to mind my affect, not able to keep my anxiety in check? Other people’s anxiety starts rising in response to my anxiety. And that just becomes a cycle of badness. Because we just feed off of each other. My anxiety raising their anxiety, which raises my anxiety, which raises their anxiety... ad naseam. Tensions rise astronomically and sooner or later someone is going to break & respond overtly to it. :banghead: I hate it. It drives me mad.

So I work very very hard on projecting calm, minding my affect, blending in. If I can’t? I usually don’t go anywhere.

@Supervixn ... curious how this relates to work, for you? since it’s in this forum, instead of Dysregulation or Anxiety, seems like there’s a specific aspect on your mind? Personally I LIKE scaring people at work :sneaky: Let’s me relax the control leash a bit, and then I can be all smiles & tranquillo, or mischief & fun, in my personal life. Ditto, makes it a helluva lot easier to be minding my affect when I’m purposefully using the scary as f*ck in certain situations, and then putting it away for others. It doesn’t get all uppity in the wrong situations, or bleed out as much in general when it gets exercised, instead of left to its own devices.

 

[New]

If I can’t? I usually don’t go anywhere.

I do the same and just stay home.

 

[scout86]

One of my best friends tells me I scare people. I honestly hasn't noticed... (He says I don't scare HIM.)

 

[Friday]

One of my best friends tells me I scare people. I honestly hasn't noticed...

For a long time I had to very carefully judge how much I was scaring people, in order to get the intended result. So that’s probably a part of it. Projecting just enough to be taken seriously? To clear a space around me? To get answers? To incite violence or deescalate violence? ...When I’m symptomatic that’s another thing I can’t shut off, hyperawareness of how people are responding to me. When I’m reeeeally symptomatic I DGAF how they’re responding, which is dangerous. But even mildly running hot it’s an issue.

 

[Supervixn]

Thank you all for your replies so far. I'm glad to see most of you appreciate the intimidation factor you have... I'm a little embarassed by it and it makes me feel bad that people would be fearful of me. I'm not fully understanding it. Sorry the question was short also, I was at work... lol.

I am very private though I try to be pleasant and am very polite at work. I have had a few little incidents here and there where I've gotten very um.. whats the word... firm and direct with people. For instance, someone lies to me about something and I correct them with the truth. Without care for who is around to hear it, or the authority of the person I'm "correcting". If you're lying to my face about something you told me, expect correction because I won't let you pull me into a lie, kinda thing, thats the energy behind it.

I don't know if people are seeing me as unpredictable or what, and if that's causing the intimidation? It's not like I walk around growling and hostile toward people... its just when they approach a touchy thing w me, like lying or being rude where I flip off my nice person face and turn into the firm, very direct person. Kind of like the mayor in Nightmare Before Xmas lol, how his face and personality will turn. But its not like its outta nowhere... it's not like it happens all the time but I'm sure they see a pattern.

Idk guys. Why do people fear us? Whats to fear, really? What are they afraid of in us?