Forgetful therapist

[UnicornSightings]

What you describe about your T closing the door on your feelings is EXTREMELY painful. I've been through th...

I relate to being super emotional with therapists! I haven’t gotten yet to the point where I’m overly focused on his words and tone and things but I am starting to question those things. Like after our double session when I share more I think I will wonder if he now hates me. But that will be good to explore, I guess. Ok, the defensiveness?! That sucks! I would bring that up cause therapists shouldn’t get defensive as a lot of the time that’s the only opportunity the client has had to express their concerns. Ugh. But you say you connect really well otherwise? That’s really hard then. He’s gotta meet your needs for sure but you also have to give him that chance. If talking to him about your concerns STILL leaves you frustrated or not heard then maybe it is time to find someone else? Can you express these things in email? That’s easier for me. That’s how I was able to let my t know his looking away a lot really bugged me and he made a point to not do that and now he doesn’t at all anymore. And I learned he did it cause he thought he was nervous and it wasn’t about me boring him or anything. Open communication is really amazing if both parties can really listen and feel heard and NOT get defensive. I hope you do what’s best for you, whatever that may be.

 

[Deleted member 38906]

for every reaction I have there is a formidable action that happened leaving me with an inability to properly process the event and have negative thought processes.

That's gold right there. The first thought I have is why hasn't my T mentioned that to me yet? Isn't he supposed to know everything about PTSD? Maybe he's not good enough. Therefore I must fire him. But wait I can't he's good in all these other ways... And the inner turmoil continues.

This is precisely why I haven't been in a single relationship up until the ripe old age of 31. Relationships are just too painful. The end.

 

[Rumors]

That's gold right there. The first thought I have is why hasn't my T mentioned that to me yet? Isn't he sup...

Oh lord, don't get me started on relationships...lol. I feel you. I got married at 33 bc I was pregnant. I didn't think I would live to see 33 much less be married and have a family.. I can tell you that my therapist held back a lot until I showed a readiness to be well. If they think that you hearing something could be a detriment then they skip on until a time where it is appropriate. Recently, it is a no holds barred kind of thing and I am getting to hear more of the things I need to hear. It's hard... I mean REALLY HARD. I am struggling in depth right now with a lot of the very things you are posting so I have a tremendous amount of empathy for where you are. Maybe just printing off this very thread and taking it in for him to read would be helpful. All the things you maybe can't say have been said by others and may prove helpful.
I think one other thing we have to keep in mind is that we PTSD sufferers are a complex geography. We have peaks and valleys, streams and oceans, forrests and meadows, but none of which your therapist can navigate without the help of a map. Even if you are drawing the map while you go, you have to provide him with something to let him know if he is in the valley with you or rowing an ocean with you. If he is someone that you feel is trustworthy, then I would encourage you to start drawing your map so that as the terrain changes he is able to help you find a safe journey. No shit, it is the hardest thing you are EVER going to do minus facing your history with why you have ptsd. It is scary and your negative thoughts will try and vandalize that relationship sometimes daily. You will tell yourself everything including that you aren't worthy of someone caring and last but not least, he doesn't care. I do it all the time. Still struggle with it and likely will forever so I get it. However, you HAVE to start somewhere. Why not start where you know you have an ally to help and a soft place to fall? Print this out..take it with you.. then start talking. Hugs..

 

[Emotional girl]

I have a great relationship with my psychologist but like you I still have times where I think that he can't stand me , that he is bored with me and even the smallest change in the tone of his voice will set me off ,I am a shy person and find it hard to open up but over a period of time I have learnt to discuss things with him and tell him how I am feeling.
I think that therapy is about all kinds relationships(including the one you have with yourself ) both in the therapy room and outside and if you have difficulty with relationships(which I do as well) then you start finding faults in people so you can push them away and maybe you are doing that with your T.
I agree with @Rumors he may have got little details wrong but on the whole he has an idea about the whole story and seems to want to help you and also we all need to remember that therapists have to see quite a few clients and sometimes they gets little things wrong but they are only human.
You have two choices :You stay with this T and talk things through with him (you could send him a email first if that helps) and discuss your concerns/issues, how it makes you feel when he forgets things and I know it is hard but you also need to talk about your therapeutic relationship OR you look for a new therapist who you think you maybe more suited to you but be aware that you may find fault in them as well.
I know it is really hard but sometimes we have to take a leap of faith and start to learn to trust the other human being who sits in the same room as us and wants to help us.
Wishing you good luck in whatever choice you decide to go for and I really hope things work out for you.

 

[CelticHarp]

He is on your side, Moo, and he would want you to talk about it with him.

 

[Deleted member 38906]

Ho

He is on your side, Moo, and he would want you to talk about it with him.

How do you know? Why cant I see it :((

I have a great relationship with my psychologist but like you I still have times where I think t...

Thanks for your well wishes emotional girl...
Yeah I really am wondering whether I'm really just afraid of him getting close to me and us forming an attachment that I try to keep him away by attacking him... It feels like a separate part of me called the attack part just takes over my mind and my behavior and transforms me into a different person I don't even like or want to be around

I wish there was a third option of having multiple therapists.. But my T doesn't think that's a good idea.. That way if he forgets stuff I won't feel as bad cause I know I have another T that might get it right... I have a big fear of wasting my time with T that doesn't know what they're doing and just wants to use me for my money.

Oh lord, don't get me started on relationships...lol. I feel you. I got married at 33 bc I was pregnant....

Hugs back.. Love the complex geography analogy. Not brave enough to print and take this thread but will try to talk to him.

 

[EveHarrington]

Are you holding him to unreasonable expectations of perfection?

At the end of the day he is human and WILL make mistakes. (Fact.)

 

[Deleted member 38906]

Are you holding him to unreasonable expectations of perfection?

At the end of the day he is huma...

Nooo he shouldn't make mistakes at his job. It's like saying trust this pilot to fly you across the sea but beware.. He is only human and will make mistakes

 

[EveHarrington]

Nooo he shouldn't make mistakes at his job. It's like saying trust this pilot to fly you across the sea but...

Well there’s your problem right there.

Might as well just quit therapy and give up if you expect perfection.

PS Pilots aren’t perfect. Just because they get you from point A to point B in one point with minimal turbulence doesn’t mean they are perfect.

 

[Emotional girl]

I really think you need to have a discussion with him about your expectations,wanting him to be perfect and about him forgetting details.We are all human beings and we all make mistakes, forget things and even professional people do this from time to time.
I think you could be right that maybe you are scared to get attached to him or to trust him but as I keep getting told sometimes in life you have to take risks and put your trust in someone so that you can move forward.There have been times when I have been talking to my psychologist especially at the beginning where I want to run away from him because I was scared of the attachment and trust but I kept going and now we are very open and honest with each other and I am sure if you gave your therapist a chance then you could have a good therapeutic relationship as well.
Say if you were to change therapist or get multiple therapists and they did exactly the same thing as your present therapist then how would you feel? would you want to carry on with therapy? would you want them to be perfect? these are some of the questions you need to ask yourself and see what kind of answers you come up with , then you can see is the problem with him or is it a problem you have in general and then work on it.

 

[Justmehere]

Not wanting important details forgotten isn’t the same as wanting perfection.

I hope you talk to him about this @Moo and that it goes well.

 

[Deleted member 38906]

Not wanting important details forgotten isn’t the same as wanting perfection.

I hope you talk to...

It's not very easy for me to bring myself to talk about it. I feel like i have two very different minds operating inside of me. One is angry at my T for being forgetful, the other likes my T and doesn't care and just wants him to like me. If I talk about my anger, the kind part will feel ashamed and embarrassed. If I don't, the angry part will torment me. I'm dammed if I do and damned if I don't.