Can anyone help me? anyone have a religion or church?

[Ronin]

@Junebug, you are loved, you aint worthless, you have a place wherever you decide is the place or waiting for you, and if it makes you feel like crap, just ignore the input whole season long.

 

[Tinyflame]

@Ronin :notworthy::hug::hug::hug::hug::notworthy:

Well my mind made a big mistake and twist-tied 5 weeks of being unable to avoid (unless I lost pay) a weird sexual situation that no one stops but shouldn't be happening- and the person uses the explanation it's necessary because of (his)'triggers'!! :eek::(:(:(:( - most refuse/ walk out, - and I have to see them and spouse every day :( , spouse 'in on it', too- yet 'nice' people, in some ways. He'd even make comments to me- 'wear something sexy, eh, not like that (sweatshirt) '- :wtf: - a 300 +lb weight lifter with 'anger' issues and no filter, well I mentally twist tied that to asking for help, which never came, and never came for that either, first, and repeatedly asking, which has been the icing on the cake of many difficult months. While I listen to you're 'supposed to'. :( :confused: :( Idk but when it comes to those situations I feel entirely hopeless and trapped and :wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::( and no way out, except for the tallest building.:cry::cry::cry::cry::(. Like others can sense the grossness now on me I can't shake. Do everybody a favor and stay far, far away. :(:cry:

Everyone looks the other way, beg for help, silence, no help.

 

[Mach123]

I do go to church it's such a long story. God is my final refuge but it took me over 20 years to even be comfortable with the concepts. I couldn't begin to explain it because the answers just bring up more questions. I know so much about it, bible studies and sermons and the Christian radio stations. I was so ill when it all happened, I really dislike to think back on it all because of what I was like. Here I am though, all these years later. I don't have any regrets about the religion. We brought all the kids up in church. They are all grown up now. Everything that happened, happened.

 

[Ronin]

@Junebug, creep and his issues are his issues, that is not what triggers are or work, and okay I wont be trigger happy about the whole of this (nor triggered to a few exes) and will just say, report him for harrassment and avoid him as much as possible? Get a restraining order if he does not stop.

The only thing you are supposed to is keep yourself safe.
Absolutely nothing beyond that owed, and definitely not to him or his wife.

That aint nice people, that assholes in nice coats.

 

[Tinyflame]

@Mach123 yes that's the 'Man in the Maze' referenced above, never heard of it til I googled it. Ty. :hug:

I felt like , I just want to die off. I know it's not right, but the heart wants what it wants people say. I'm so tired of being hurt, and being used. Even cacti in the desert get to be born with thorns. Sigh. Carry on. Like always. Bit by bit of me gets chipped away. Pity-party-table-for-one, no doubt, to say.

However, I read @Ronin 's profile post and I thank you. :notworthy::hug::hug::hug::hug: And I really appreciate your great kindness and bravery and selflessness & generosity to share here, despite being triggered. :notworthy::notworthy::notworthy::hug::hug::hug: , from all my heart. :notworthy::inlove::hug:.

That aint nice

They weren't yesterday. But I did get to see he doesn't take no for an answer from anyone. Then tries to pressure, insistence or volume or make you feel bad about yourself, or peer pressure. Though fool I am I offered to do more for her next week.

I tried to get help. They didn't. I think they think he'll go ballistic. He told me if a man even comes near him he'll punch 1st, look later. :(

But at least the weeks are over. I'm filling in in a different capacity because the last one got out of it.

Then again, I have a plethora of faults, probably greater than them combined.

I'm so very tired of being 'me'. :(:wtf:

I do know one thing though, I'm giving up on ever asking for anything or help again, for myself, other than here. No matter how bad it gets or is.

 

[blackemerald1]

Then again, I have a plethora of faults,

Hey @Junebug the late & great Leonard Cohen wrote a song in which there is a line...something about...cracks let the light shine in.... (Don't know the exact words or name of the song right now sorry).

Anyway the point is that it is ok to have imperfections, faults etc., bc that is what makes each of us unique and memorable and it is exactly those imperfections (if we see them ourselves and wish to do so) can be the catalyst for change or not. Sometimes those imperfections, faults are what make us so funny, memorable, loved and cherished.

I know I have a plethora of faults too. I want to be better, everything better...
Some things I will manage. Some I will not..
Am I going to get one thing a little bit better than yesterday...I don't know. Do I keep trying? Maybe.
Today I will try but if I don't... Will it help if I beat myself up about it...possibly but probably not.

I am not tired of you being you @Junebug. Not at all.
Btw you do write quite beautifully.

 

[ladee]

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug: @Junebug :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug: I am another one, who is not tired of you being you.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you all for your great kindness to me. :notworthy::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

Well, speaking of faults, I don't think my heart can take listening to all the Easter talk of how we're all reconciled to God, and one another. I didn't qualify, which I think they're supposed to do/ required if you don't change, etc. Whatever. It will be very hard to white knuckle it through if I make it to what is 'required'. It will just make me feel sad and - what's the word?- not supposed to be there/ ~ not applicable. ~Fraudulent.

The way I look at it even that's God's choice, as I'm a big believer if things are meant to be, or not.

Somewhere in the Bible even God slams the door on some (they earn it). If not, well I guess what I do or think of will be done privately.

Thank you (always) for your sweet selves. Xox :hug::hug::hug::hug:

 

[Ronin]

Though fool I am I offered to do more for her next week.

Not a fool. A good fella.

So you totally forgot about that offer, left that offer in another week and dont have to go by it then, or it was time limited, because that was before they acted the way they have. :sneaky: As seriously, you do not owe them a thing. Just because you are inclined to be nice, and considered being nice? Does not mean you have to.

And your faults are not at question here, not even remotely.
Theirs are.
(Seriously, I want to remove you from douchebags that make you feel you should not be, so, so hard. Back to a land of cupcakes and gentle and warmed up fruit with icecream.)

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh @Ronin , thank you, you are an angel :notworthy: , I so wish I had that courage to choose and say that, or had an invisible 'you' by my side. However, she could use the help- it's not 'mandatory' but rather to make her feel better/ be prepared/ comfortable, and Idk I just 'know' the need is there, and can't help it. Also, I know there is one part 'fear'/ ~pacifying, though I even 'know' that's useless, nothing will change. It did cross my mind however to call in sick, as I probably will be. :meh: I'm just using the thought to relieve the pressure, but I won't likely when the time comes.

I don't want to speak too soon, but I had a wee-bit of indirect help with it yesterday, outside of my control or awareness, and for that I am very thankful. :notworthy: It is a very difficult environment, every day. Like wondering if you'll be eaten and spit out before breakfast. My co-worker just said she told her Dr it is the primary source of her stress she thinks preceding her heart attack.

make you feel you should not 'be' ,

Thank you, that is it exactly ^^, though I also realize they can't "make " me- but it elicits such feelings and desires. As does fear of hurting others; being a burden; being a 'dumb bomb' to the lives of others; fear or reality of all kinds of (new) abuse; homelessness (which I fear could well follow if I were out of work, amongst other things), because I have little strength left (mostly fear or handle cold poorly, and don't think I could handle being raped if it came about. Though I know that's somewhere between catastrophising and even more so fear of the future, esp based on low current resiliency and feeling really awfully spent, no defenses).

Thank you, :hug::hug::hug::hug: for you.

 

[Tinyflame]

I do realize I have a 'blank spot' in forgetting traumatizing or highly destabilizing experiences; that is, I agree to repeat them, not remembering or at least admitting how much they harmed me or were difficult at the time. That this time I'll be stronger, or turn my feelings off, or whatever. Just, 'get it done', what does it matter how I think or feel about it, that's not important.

Almost- almost- almost did it again, re: work- despite getting extra shifts without that particular grief- ? :eek: :( Also, responding to the pressure. :( Despite the fact it just feels soul destroying to work amidst conflict, others' discord, or anger- esp anger directed at me. :( I just feel suicidal.

I saw this and liked it, to explain the Resurrection.

Bishop Barron on the Resurrection of Jesus

I thought before seeing it, if I believe it, then it should have impact daily. And how would life 'be', to just live it believing I was totally forgiven (obviously for others, also)? Not really 'mentally debating it within myself, just living if as so (~ 'act as if')?

I still like Mary Magdalene though, she 'gets it'. Because (this year/ Easter I think/ noticed) she never would have been concerned about the practicalities/ 'getting it done' either, even though 'impossible', if she hadn't already lived and had to live that way, I think. Because if you haven't the first thing you think of is going to get help, not finding or having to find a way yourself. JMHO though. :notworthy:

I suppose, too, I know that most of my mom's family were killed because of their beliefs, pre 'me'. But, or and, even the freedom to have any or not, my dad's dad got mustard gassed for in the war (they believe the primary cause of genetic cancers, or did think in my day- long ago). Which even if I got it, and also no kids, over that is worth it to me. Always thought that part though.

Somewhere I once read, 'Whatever is worth dying for is worth living for'.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I know this is a shot in the dark, but wondering if anyone goes to a church, what their religion is, and...

I personally align myself and beliefs best with UU Unitarian Universalist. They don't call themselves a church. Many faiths and personal beliefs under one roof is a better description (as long as they aren't harmful or judgemental and don't intrude on other's rights to their personal beliefs). So one's ability to demonstrate acceptance of differences in peoples personal beliefs is a huge factor in being comfortable and belonging to this kind of community. During services, they use many different texts, including secular (e.g poetry and music) to convey personal, family and community-oriented value messages. All races, creeds, faiths, sexual preferences, disabilities, and the like are encouraged to come....acceptance was the first feeling I had when I went.