Inner critic?

[Still Standing]

Searching4Self had a thread discussing this. And I found it really insightful. I have never heard of the "inner critic". It gives me something to think about... I struggle with a few types of thoughts of suicide. The one is in the depths of depression...just want things to end. The other type "talks" to me. It can broadside my brain in any moment, with no conscious thinking about it on my part. It just slams into my thinking process. Just last week, as I was driving, I heard, "Suicide! Drive off the cliff!" That instantly drops me into a sad and lonely place. Usually, I am able to counter that and keep going. The other type is probably a bit OCD, I'm assuming. If I don't do something in even numbers, or if I'm doing a task of some sort, or I've done something stupid, my mind tells me I am going to commit suicide if something is not done correctly. This thought, I have learned to ignore or tell to stop. You guys are the first ones I have shared this latter issue with. I never thought about telling my T about it...suppose I should, huh? It has been so much a part of my life that it is just part of me. Another kind of suicide, that I struggle with is emotional suicide. I don't know if this if a for real definition, but it is what I have called it. This kind ends up with me wanting to be a bag lady...for real!!! It is a feelingless, black, empty hole. I just act out life but don't feel it. This one has not bothered me for a long time. But, to think it all comes from an inner critic, is new to me. That makes it sound like the persona is really a split being, of sorts. All these years, I just thought of all this as, '"me". I have good thoughts and I have bad thoughts...it is just who I am. To consider myself as having an inner critic is interesting. But, what do I know? I am only a neophyte in this mental health journey... So, do you guys, actually talk to yourself in contradicting SI or do you just think back a response? I find if I address the thoughts outloud, I have a better response in making the thoughts stop.

 

[Tinyflame]

Not sure if this is helpful, as for me the IC is just one possible source of SI and really not what I would consider my primary one, but:

or if I'm doing a task of some sort, or I've done something stupid, my mind tells me I am going to commit suicide if something is not done correctly.

would be to me a cognitive distortion- something like ~'I have to be perfect or I shouldn't be living'-?? (Though possibly the numbers-part may be related to something else, you could ask your T?)

It's my (basic) understanding the IC follows from our own self-condemnations or other's. But (only for me) I view it in terms of cognitive distortions, rather than parts. But I'm sure everyone is different. As I said I shouldn't really respond because I think that's the least of my problems, for me. Good to explore all avenues you relate to, it's your answer to yourself that will help. :hug:

 

[Freida]

I never thought about telling my T about it...suppose I should, huh? It has been so much a part of my life that it is just part of me.

oh yea - been there. My critic is a huge pain in my ass, but I'm so used to him being there that I don't even give it a thought. It's been a long slog to get to where I can identify the self-hate thoughts that drive him to action. And we still fight. The good news is that just knowing that's what is happening helps me deal with him. I can actually say ...shut the hell up! He doesn't always - but it does help

And the "parts" idea doesn't mean you are different people -- Its giving a name to your thoughts so you can identify them more easily. I took me a long time to work that out!

 

[Still Standing]

Ok, thanks, I think I understand it better. Yeh, I thought maybe it was recognizing the "self-thoughts", as Freida described, as being categorized as a type of split personality. The T has been checking in with me concerning the larger issue of suicide but I have never told him about the numbers/task issue. This psych jargon is a bit out of the norm, yet. This apparently is going to become my second language! :wacky:

 

[Rose White]

My T told me that I should talk back to the IC, and tell it to go to hell or banish it or whatever. I haven’t started doing that yet.

I realized that the IC has a soothing or familiar quality.

Have you head about a counter-irritant or counter-stimulation? Like if you hurt a part of your body, applying pain to another part to distract you from the real pain?

So the IC, for me, developed as a way to head off the emotional abuse from my father. If I hated myself more than he hated me then it didn’t hurt how he treated me. It was a way of protecting myself, sealing myself off from from his abuse.

Now it is reflexive, and always in response to something that I feel hurt by, even if I don’t realize it.

Something bad happens or someone reacts differently than I expected and my reflex is “kill yourself,” or some version of that. It could be emotional with no words at all.

Sooo... awareness... first step. It feels weird to talk back to the IC. Like if it says, “Kill yourself,” and then I’m like, “F*ck you, go kill YOUR self!” It feels weird, like a two kids yelling at each other.

But is that how it’s done? What do you say to it?

 

[EveHarrington]

@Freida

Do you know what IFST says about the inner critic?

I’m guessing it’s more of the getting in touch, asking what it needs, asking it to back down sort of thing....Given that a part shouldn’t be told what to do because if it is, then it will fight back x10.

 

[Rose White]

Oh yeah, I remember how IFST says you are supposed to have compassion toward all your parts and try to understand where they are coming from.

IFST doesn’t call it inner critic, right? It’s like the exile or the guardian?

My T hasn’t a clue about IFST. She uses TA, which recognizes, adult, child, and self, with a couple versions of adult and child.

So her understanding of inner critic is that it is maladaptive coping thoughts which have become bad habits, if I understand correctly.

The inner parts are all just ways of thinking that have served us over the years to survive the traumas and keep ourselves alive, right?

 

[EveHarrington]

IFST uses the term exile, but you can have many exiles. Exiles are wounded child parts. I know I could never tell a child part to f*ck off.

 

[TruthSeeker]

oh yea - been there. My critic is a huge pain in my ass, but I'm so used to him being there that I don'...

I draw my feelings. My inner critic has only a big mouth! Drawing the bothersome issues seems to make them less powerful.

 

[Freida]

The Body Keeps the Score (my bible!) describes it really well - but the ones I remember off the top of my head are the inner critic/manager, the firefighters and exiles. Inner critic/manager is what keeps you moving - but not always in a beneficial way. They are trying to hold everything together and aren't afraid to berate you make it happen. Firefighters are just that -- they race in and try to put out fires. But --true firefighters will let a house burn if that is the best defensive tactic and these ones are no different. They will destroy rather than save if necessary. Exiles are those that you have banished away. My screamer is an exile. She doesn't deserve to live and I refuse to face what she did to live so I banish her to a hole in my brain and don't let her come back. You can have many - individually attached to one memory or have one big one.

The idea of IFS is to get all those parts speaking to each other again so they can bring you the good things they have and you can take the pressure off them by releasing them of their duties. They are always there --- but in trauma they get splintered away and have forgotten how to work as a team. That's pretty much how I understand it anyway.

You can fight with them but they are entrenched until you convince them that you appreciate what they have done for you and that you are willing to take the whole burden back. then they can return to their original job - which is much happier. My T wants me to spend time talking to them --- asking what it is they need, why they are there, how I can make them feel better. She says it's more effective to acknowledge them as part of a team with good intentions rather than things trying to screw up your life.

I'm more aware of them these days - and I'm better at telling the critic I need things to go a different way. The exile? still needs to die..
If I ever figure out how to change that I'll let ya know!

And no - your not crazy because we are taking about people in your head. (I ask that all the time). Everyone has them, ours just got knocked off the rails.

 

[Swift]

I haven't done a lot of work on it, but my IC is more intrusive thoughts to me than an actual part, at the moment. "Kill yourself" or "just commit suicide" are pretty common.
I saw a post saying to imagine these as Donald Trump (or some other political figure you hate, no judgement).
"Kill yourself!"
"f*ck you and your f*cking wall."
Works pretty well.

 

[Freida]

Love that!!!