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Not for men only - a place to discuss men's trauma issues (comments welcomed from all)

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Sweetleaf . I have not found it triggering but increasingly find it makes me really angry because I do NOT think it lead to more justice.

I would like it too. Not only for me, but for others.

Going to freida’s point about possible deflection in advocacy; I think the personal aspect v wider aspect differs person to person possibly related to belief system? ( it’s an important part of my moving forward I know). For me besides that the ‘safer world’ idea would also feel like a not totally altruistic outcome...
 
it makes me really angry because I do NOT think it lead to more justice.
True. The media was mainly just focusing on high profile people, both for the victims and the perpetrators. The legal system hasn't improved any for survivors of sexual assault. Nobody would spread the word far and wide about my abuser, or the vast majority of abusers; nobody is going to do that - nothing like that - which is part of why it's triggering to me.
 
True. The media was mainly just focusing on high profile people, both for the victims and the perpetr...
Times up sprang from it; but as I said there exists mechanism for that. I think times up is GREAT. I think the publicity and encouragement for women to stand up for their rights is great but ..... I feel it further puts the issue of men on the back burner and it IS taking funding and attention from other forms of sexual assault from where there is no existing mechanism outside criminal system.

To put this in a little perspective I am, like somerandomguy, devoting some of my time to this kind of research ( though my head is not in the game) and meeting people to talk and further ideas etc.

My further concern is DV charity’s in uk are backing times up uk them etc, the message is very confused, as times up is not about that. It’s not furthering a situation now.
 
@Mee I have been so under a rock I don't even know what "times up" is.
I just googled it - so it's basically about sexual assault/abuse/harassment in the workplace?

I feel like part of my issue (with metoo and all that) is that my trauma, aside from I think one single incident, is all domestic violence related. I feel like a lot of people have really bad opinions about domestic violence - like we had a choice, and chose to be subjected to it, or like we did it to ourselves. Lots of victim blaming abound. Then all the stuff in the media seems to mostly focus on different types of sexual assault - the kinds that are harder for people to blame the victim on I guess. Maybe I am wrong, but that seems to be my general impression of it.
 
sweetleaf,

People are ignorant, these situations are difficult to imagine. I’ll be honest. For all my situations I did not imagine I would be in one like my trigger incident which was not dv but ... has some similarities. And ...I am considered fairly broad minded.

That’s why posts like this about men are needed. That’s why voices like some random guy’s are so important. That’s why I think he gives MY situation strength and I give his strength dispite our different demographic group.

That’s why imo there are more things abuse has in common across its differences tan it has different.
 
This is why it's important, in my opinion, for everyone who has experienced abuse and trauma to speak up, come out, and disclose - if they feel comfortable doing so.

We need a broad spectrum of voices saying "this happened to me" out there. We need the broadest spectrum possible for two reasons.
First, others who have experienced similar traumas won't feel so alone. There's strength in numbers! I know there must be other men who have experienced DV situations like I have, but they are very, very, very hard to find. If I had known someone else like me, it might not have taken me 15 years to really get serious about getting better.
Second, we need to show people who control the purse strings that we exist and we need resources. And by "we" I mean all of us who live with trauma. Because programs for trauma work!
 
@Mee - thank you. About a month ago I spent a solid week doing pretty much nothing other than googling information! That was pretty rough but I think I needed to go through that phase. I worked through it with my T. She reminded me that since I'm long out of that situation, I don't really need that info anymore.
 
The idea of men being DV victims is coming up more than you may realize. Over the last few years I was in dispatch I saw a huge spike in times that the female half of a DV fight went to jail because she was the perpetrator. LE no longer went into the house and automatically arrested the man, just because he was the man. More and more often the women went to jail - some times based on his injuries and sometimes based on what we heard on the phones. So it is changing....slowly
 
LE no longer went into the house and automatically arrested the man, just because he was the man.
Yes, this used to happen in many jurisdictions as a matter of course. It's called the Duluth Model of policing DV and it's a horrible thing to happen to male DV victims. Luckily, most places now realize how completely wrong-headed it was.
 
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