Extremely anxious today

[ILoveLife]

Have last therapy appointment with this T later today. I don't know how to break it off.
It's the first time I'll actually end therapy face to face. Other Ts just ended naturally or I sent an email or called.

I keep catastrophizing, thinking of lying my way out for it to be easier.

Then I think I should woman up and just face it head on. I don't know what to say, don't want to be too harsh or, on the other hand, say that she is great and the problem is me. :sour:

I'm so anxious I'm nauseated and shaking, thoughts are really rapid and all over the place.
Folks in my building are leaving for work and I get starteld with the doors closing noises. Even my kitty senses I'm nervous.

I think I'm only going to say it's not working for me, don't want to get too worked up or cry, or something like that.
Right now I'm trying to focus on the positives of ending therapy with her.

Baaaah I hate this

 

[bellbird]

Hey @Sietz , I don't have any specific advice for leaving a therapist. Although I definitely can relate to the feelings of anxiety you're having at the moment.
I just wanted to say that I think it shows a lot of courage, going through these unpleasant feelings, because it seems the end goal is going to be a situation that serves you better.
Since your thoughts are really rapid at the moment, you could try brainstorming on a piece of paper what you're thinking of saying? It might be easier to clarify things for yourself that way, and having a script to practice from before you go in may be more helpful than getting stuck in your head and catastrophizing.

I think I'm only going to say it's not working for me

But I think this sounds like a good idea.
You can do it.

 

[ILoveLife]

Thank you @bellbird !
The brainstorming is a great idea. I still have a few hours and I'll have some free time at lunchtime, so I'll do that. We'll see what comes up.

I'm also thinking about saying that I've tried all this time but I don't feel we're the right fit, that I don't think she's a bad therapist but all in all I can't click with her. It's the truth and it avoids awkward and uncomfortable conversation.

I'm not sure I should say I disliked her advice, or the way she handled my anxiety and paranoia. I think it's too confrontational.

 

[Sweetleaf]

I'm so anxious I'm nauseated and shaking, thoughts are really rapid and all over the place.
Folks in my building are leaving for work and I get starteld with the doors closing noises. Even my kitty senses I'm nervous.

Holy shit, this happens to me pretty much exactly the same, kitty and all. (kitties actually)
People around me also notice my heightened anxiety and startle response. It's kind of embarrassing when people point out to me how I'm shaking and stuff.

I've also been really anxious lately. I slept like an hour or so, then woke up and couldn't go back to sleep because I felt too afraid, and I couldn't stop thinking about this medical thingy coming up that I have to do. Like, I'd be laying there getting hit by waves of a panicky feeling, that makes my heart start beating all fast, and the longer I laid there the stronger it got, so I got up, paced around for a while stressing out, wound up taking valium. That was like 2 hours ago or so. The thing I hate about benzos is they make it really hard to focus and just -do- things if you get what I mean. I don't really like using them and feeling all foggy and just f*cking derpy and shit, but it is better than both being unable to sleep -and- panicking, which just makes it worse. Hopefully I'll start getting sleepy soon.

You're not alone in having to suffer through severe anxiety symptoms. I hope everything goes well for you with your T - I imagine she will be professional, though I don't know her. She -should- be professional about it, even if she's not a good match for you. Good luck :)

 

[bellbird]

It's the truth and it avoids awkward and uncomfortable conversation.

This sounds like a good plan! Glad I could be of some help :) let us know how you get on.

 

[Still Standing]

I'm also thinking about saying that I've tried all this time but I don't feel we're the right fit, that I don't think she's a bad therapist but all in all I can't click with her. It's the truth and it avoids awkward and uncomfortable conversation.

This sounds like a great approach in addressing your exit. The best way to part is on as positive note as you can honestly express. It will avoid leaving drama behind which neither of you will be able to address and close its door, because of ending therapy contact with each other. I am sure your last meeting with the therapist will go better than what you are anticipating...or at least I hope it goes better than thought. It will be nice when you can be on your way out of the whole situation and feel that wave of relief.

 

[ILoveLife]

Thanks everyone! We actually rescheduled the appointment for later this week.
I'm in the middle of a move and I'm having some problems with the TV/internet provider that I need to solve today. Not having the appointment during this awful few days is actually a blessing. I need to breathe!

You're right, I really do want to leave therapy on a positive note. :) Thank you @Still Standing

Ok. After brainstorming and honestly trying not to come up with excuses, I've decided to say the following things..Not clicking as therapist/patient and money issues.
The money problems she already knows about, so she should understand.

Sorry, hit reply. Thank you so much everyone for the help and support