Relationship Ptsd and going quiet

[mumstheword]

My partner and I are both sufferers and love each other dearly. We are both kind people.
Suffering certainly isn't synonymous with being a crappy partner. Sure it adds plenty of complications in to the mix but I think understanding is key.

It's a brain injury/ inflammation of certain primative parts of the brain and of sympathetic and parasympathetic parts of the brain/nervous and endocrine system.

It's all in how we manage our symptoms and keeping stresses at a minimum to avoid flare ups.

@Pippi427 , wow you sound like a dream supporter. I think he's a very, very fortunate man to have you.
I'm glad you do lots of self care, that's definitely one of the best things you can do to support the relationship. Also, researching like you're doing is another top-of-the-list-best-approaches, IMO.
We are resource worth tapping into, whenever.

 

[Freida]

I'm not sure I will ever understand why the supporters come or why they stay when we can sometimes be such huge pains in the ass.
But I am thankful every day that they do.

 

[Pippi427]

He often says I deserve better. I hear it a lot. What I have not heard is "This isn't working for me," or "I think we should take a break," or anything of that nature. I have told him that if he decides this relationship isn't working I need him to tell me. He's been able to tell me other highly personal and shameful facts about his life, I have to assume he would have the ability to break up with me if he needed to. Right now, we're working on building trust, establishing a professional network in our metro area (since he is new here) and reducing his shame. His mom and his aunt (who is also a retired officer and plays an important role in his life) are encouraging him not to isolate and ask about his activities with me, so it sounds like his family is supportive of what we're doing. But, Sometimes that also means I have to honor his quiet time. He's been in therapy the past two weeks, so it makes sense that he's more quiet. 2-3 days after therapy he will usually isolate to process his sessions, especially if he's angry. He's just at home with the phone turned off...playing video games and reading to quiet his mind. I can email him if there is an emergency and he will get it. If he was up to hookers and blow...this would not be my story.

 

[Pippi427]

I'm not sure I will ever understand why the supporters come or why they stay when we can sometimes be su...

It's ok. It helps me work through important questions I need to work through. As long as nobody is outright mean or judgmental.

 

[Pippi427]

My partner and I are both sufferers and love each other dearly. We are both kind people.
Suffering...

Thanks for your kind words, @mumstheword My father had Muscular Dystrophy and I learned how to support someone from my mom. I've also taken a lot of notes from an Army wife friend of mine. It never helps to try and do it in a vacuum.

 

[Freida]

He's been in therapy the past two weeks, so it makes sense that he's more quiet. 2-3 days after therapy he will usually isolate to process his sessions, especially if he's angry.

I do this -- come home after EMDR and I'm just not able to interact with anyone. It lasts about 48 hours before I can get my head above water again

 

[WinterCricket]

I'm not sure I will ever understand why the supporters come or why they stay when we can sometimes be such huge pains in the ass.
But I am thankful every day that they do.

Huge pains Freida darling :)

Why? because you've each shown us in some way your wonderful essence and it's in our nature to recognize that in people despite outward challenging behavior.

I guess we're inclined by nature to persist and not give up the fight easily and that part of us is why supporters who have the tendency stick around.

You know the term Namaste? The good in me sees the good in you!