Coalbucket
New Here
Hello!
I have recently started a relationship with someone that I knew 45 years ago. We went our separate ways and have reconnected following years of alcoholism, diagnosis of PTSD, major depression and anxiety, following a law enforcement career that ended horribly and being denied "help." There was also a divorce, infidelity, a DUI arrest, an overnight stay in jail, homicidal and suicidal thoughts and more. That was on my part.
She has endured a very serious health scare and is still being tested for more and it doesn't appear to be very promising. In addition, she suddenly lost her husband of 28 years prior to the health scare. I have been there for her, during every Doctor's office, hospital and other specialist's visits. She knows that I am there for her! However, she does have a drinking problem (and denies it) and I have even been tolerating it since a week after we reconnected. I haven't had a drink, nor do I even think about it after 7 years.
Last night while talking with her on the phone (as she slurred her words, brought up my past relationships and was repetitive for over an hour), she hung up on me. As I was sitting here and trying to understand how she feels, her level of anxiety and concern and fear due to her illness and can relate it to her drinking, because I did the same.
I came across a PTSD/Alcohol video and decided to post it on yes, Facebook. It really hit home with me, while I listened and read actual statistics and symptoms associated with PTSD. And it made me think about my past and how I turned to alcohol, after being denied "help", from our town's fathers. And with my Facebook post, I typed a narrative explaining my past, detailed emotions that I encountered and summed it up with, "Don't wait 11 years or take no for an answer when you feel that you need help."
Today, she called and is very upset over my post stating that her family and friends have seen it and called her about it, asking if she "knew all of this", to which she replied, "Well, some of it." There wasn't one detail that I posted that I never spoke to her about. My guess is that she was drinking, when we had those talks. I hid absolutely nothing from her and I was taught to see through the stigma that is associated with PTSD, major depression, anxiety and other illnesses within the mental health community.
So now it appears that she wants to end this relationship. No, I am not perfect but I live on my own and take care of myself, my finances, my home and my dog. I love this woman with all of my heart and soul and want to be her rock through all of her life, including her ongoing illness. Her drinking is not helping with her illness and that is a proven fact, but she refuses to admit that she "drinks too much."
How wrong was I in letting people know everything that I went through on my Facebook post? I am ashamed of my past, but use those wrongs to make me a better person and hope that others will learn from my mistakes and seek help sooner than I did.
Thanks!
**May I also add that she at times appears to be "bi-polar-ish." One day she talks about buying a summer home together where we can spend the rest of our lives and the next day, she is upset because I missed 2 of her phone calls.
I have recently started a relationship with someone that I knew 45 years ago. We went our separate ways and have reconnected following years of alcoholism, diagnosis of PTSD, major depression and anxiety, following a law enforcement career that ended horribly and being denied "help." There was also a divorce, infidelity, a DUI arrest, an overnight stay in jail, homicidal and suicidal thoughts and more. That was on my part.
She has endured a very serious health scare and is still being tested for more and it doesn't appear to be very promising. In addition, she suddenly lost her husband of 28 years prior to the health scare. I have been there for her, during every Doctor's office, hospital and other specialist's visits. She knows that I am there for her! However, she does have a drinking problem (and denies it) and I have even been tolerating it since a week after we reconnected. I haven't had a drink, nor do I even think about it after 7 years.
Last night while talking with her on the phone (as she slurred her words, brought up my past relationships and was repetitive for over an hour), she hung up on me. As I was sitting here and trying to understand how she feels, her level of anxiety and concern and fear due to her illness and can relate it to her drinking, because I did the same.
I came across a PTSD/Alcohol video and decided to post it on yes, Facebook. It really hit home with me, while I listened and read actual statistics and symptoms associated with PTSD. And it made me think about my past and how I turned to alcohol, after being denied "help", from our town's fathers. And with my Facebook post, I typed a narrative explaining my past, detailed emotions that I encountered and summed it up with, "Don't wait 11 years or take no for an answer when you feel that you need help."
Today, she called and is very upset over my post stating that her family and friends have seen it and called her about it, asking if she "knew all of this", to which she replied, "Well, some of it." There wasn't one detail that I posted that I never spoke to her about. My guess is that she was drinking, when we had those talks. I hid absolutely nothing from her and I was taught to see through the stigma that is associated with PTSD, major depression, anxiety and other illnesses within the mental health community.
So now it appears that she wants to end this relationship. No, I am not perfect but I live on my own and take care of myself, my finances, my home and my dog. I love this woman with all of my heart and soul and want to be her rock through all of her life, including her ongoing illness. Her drinking is not helping with her illness and that is a proven fact, but she refuses to admit that she "drinks too much."
How wrong was I in letting people know everything that I went through on my Facebook post? I am ashamed of my past, but use those wrongs to make me a better person and hope that others will learn from my mistakes and seek help sooner than I did.
Thanks!
**May I also add that she at times appears to be "bi-polar-ish." One day she talks about buying a summer home together where we can spend the rest of our lives and the next day, she is upset because I missed 2 of her phone calls.
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