Relationship Verbally abusive veterans spouse

[nav652]

hi i don;t know many people who are dealing with a veteran that has PTSD but i need advice. i don't know what to do anymore. i'm tired of always being called names because of something that hes done wrong in his life and tried to blame me for it and because i don't understand or agree with what he says.. he thinks that everyone thinks like him. which they don't he think hes always right and everything has to go his way or no way at all... i'm constantly listening to how he feels about this and that.. but he never listens to me or how i feel instead he says he doesn't care or give a f*ck.. mothers day i didn't even get a happy mothers day i got nothing from him at all. n usually never like that... for my birthday he takes me out to eat then acts as if we are going to have a date night.. then leaves me hanging and has his friend over for days. he knows how i enjoy to celebrate things like that because what if its the last... but hes going to expect me to celebrate fathers day. and hows hes made me feel is i don't want to do anything for him. he doesn't deserve it is how he makes me feel. i love him to death but the verbally abuse i'm tired of it use to make me cry and upset now i just want to punch him n his face but cant of course... idk i just don't know what to do.. part of me wants to leave and the other part doesn't...

 

[LuckiLee]

Hi and welcome. Is he getting any therapy?

 

[ILoveLife]

Ptsd is not an excuse for being abusive.

 

[ILoveLife]

Sorry, wrote more but deleted it by mistake. Welcome, and I'm sorry you're going through this.

 

[Mum91]

hi i don;t know many people who are dealing with a veteran that has PTSD but i need advice. i don't know...

I understand this situation completely. This has been my life with my veteran.
When he is in therapy he is great, empathetic, sympathetic and thoughtful. But when he isn’t in treatment he’s all over the place. Over the last 18 months I have learnt that a he cannot input into anyone else’s life whole heartedly when he isn’t actually helping Himself.
They are going through their own internal hell (and trust me I have wanted to punch him in the face several times) and often they don’t have the tools to express themselves when they are in overload.
And I have learnt it does us damage holding onto frustrations, hurts or regrets. I find sometimes words can go in his ear and out the other but when I right my thoughts out in an often open and very honest letter to my vet, it gives him the time to process and think about his actions.

Ps. Sorry this was oh so winded

 

[nav652]

I understand this situation completely. This has been my life with my veteran.
When he is in therapy he is great, empat...

i forgot to mention he also deals with bipolar and insomina along with his ptsd. being overseas did not do him justice. does it get better? or worse? he wont take his medicine because he doesnt like how it makes him feel. turns him zombie like mode. then talking to a therapist he cant do because he gets angry about talking bput what happened over there across seas. he lost a friend and it has messed him up.

 

[nav652]

Hi and welcome. Is he getting any therapy?

no he doesnt like to talk to therapist. he feels as if they are just doing their job instead of actually trying to help him.

 

[LuckiLee]

If he's untreated? I'm sorry but I believe this is as good as it gets. My guy is five years into therapy and he's doing much better but he still has days like you describe. If he wasn't putting in the effort to heal. I wouldn't still be here.

Read around the supporters forms there's alot of helpful information around here. I'd start with the PTSD stress cup explanation. And boundaries. Gotta have boundaries!!

Good luck.

 

[EveHarrington]

Run?

A bipolar insomniac ptsd sufferer who refuses medication and therapy....it’s not going to get any better I’m afraid.

How many meds has he tried? I hate to say it, but it can take up to a decade to get on the right med cocktail....I’m on a medication that’s commonly used for bipolar disorder (although I’m not bipolar), and it does an awesome job at leveling out my moods with almost no side effects. And the one side effect I do experience? I’m still not sure if it’s a side effect or a ptsd symptom! My point is that there are many meds out there, and it just takes time to find the right ones.

If he’s not trying, why should you?

 

[shimmerz]

Idk. Do you want to be angry the rest of your days? Your post sounds very resentful. Angry. Hurt.

Nothing generally changes for the best without a whole lot of work. That doesn't have to be drugs, it doesn't have to be therapy. I couldn't afford therapy for years. But I worked my freaking ass off because I wanted better for myself and those who love and care about me. If he isn't focused on improving his situation then I don't see you getting off of your emotional spiral either without a small miracle.

Miracles are hard to reach with PTSD even with effort.

 

[Sighs]

@nav652 - I could have written that post. Sigh! It just wears you down. I am now going to therapy and working on myself and what sort of life I want to lead. Then I will decide whether I can ever live that life with him as my partner. Its very hard because I love him and I keep trying but it feels like repeatedly slamming my hand in a car door and wondering why my sore hand doesn't get any better...