I don't know why I keep thinking - well, he didn't exactly hit me - I mean its not as if he punched me or anything.
I think..but I don't know of course - that it is like we have a line we swear to ourselves we will never let them cross. Then they do...and we alter where the line is or we rationalise, intellectualise, minimise or excuse because there is
always a reason that we think should be taken into consideration about their behaviour. Something we think is outside of their control, something we did or didn't do, something someone else did or didn't do and BUT for all of these considerations - we are certain he would
never have crossed that line.
when he is being lovely - which he is very capable of being - then the abuse takes on something of an surreal character.
Oh yes! And we can even think it makes up for the abusive incidents small and large. After all how could such a loving and lovely man who tells us they love us and does things that we love be
abusive? What a mind f**k that is.
intellectually I'm minimising this.
Yes probably you are minimising it. Women are taught all the way through school, at home and in the work place to not show aggression. To not be hysterical about anything. Don't yell, don't argue, don't outwit, don't cry, don't complain. There could be a dozen reasons imprinted in your upbringing and beyond that cause you to minimise his behaviour.
This isn't your fault. None of this is your fault Sighs. It is simply the way you respond to abnormal and unwanted behaviour by someone you love. It is impossibly difficult to understand but miracles of miracles our brain will intellectualise abusive behaviour and even blame ourselves. Or indeed minimise it.
What is most difficult is to make decisions that he is opposed to. Do you obey him to avoid abuse and arguments that should never be a feature of your relationship to begin with? Do you go on the jewellery trip? Do you make and keep an online presence in social media? Do you start to make decisions for yourself despite his opposition and the risk of his wrath?
I needed to re-energize myself - so I did stuff that fed my soul.
He hated that. And I didn't do it so he would hate it. I did it for my own survival.
Possibly you might see the same result. He will hate it despite it being something you need to do for your own survival and not to cause problems for you.
Can you begin to change the tone of what and why you do something to do as
@shimmerz did^^^
Sighs does you partner know how far he has pushed you? Does he understand that by trying to hang on to your so hard he is in fact squeezing the very things out of you that make you..you?
